Just Curious

Lost Fatigue?

2010-02-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

I was SO excited about the season premiere of Lost last week but when it was all over I was left feeling a tad...how you say?..bored? I'm pretty over the whole time traveling/flash to the future/flash to the past/flash to the your guess is as good as mine scenes.
I thought our relationship had progressed further than that. The last time we were together you were promising that all would start to make sense and we could start fresh, with a clear sense of purpose and direction. Instead I find myself daydreaming of the days of Lost past when all the drama was centered around the biggest and only mystery of "what the heck is that smoke monster thing?"

And another thing...why come can Sayid be dead and brought back to life but Juliette couldn't. Except for the fact that she is on that new T.V. show "V". I was thinking, "wait sawyer! haven't you been watching this show? Maybe she isn't really dead! Don't bury her so fast!" And what did she mean by "it worked"? I think that is when I started getting a little frustrated. They better not be not there but there at the same time. It's one thing to keep me on my toes and make me think. It is quite another to just be lame.

Also, I guess Miles was right about them exploding that bomb and how maybe that was the "incident" that everyone talked about. IDK. Maybe this week will help shed some light. It's the last season. It has to make sense eventually, right?

Valentines Banquet

2010-01-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

We are having a Valentines Banquet at church this year and am desperately searching for some cute/inexpensive decorating ideas but so far have found nothing inspiring...if anyone sees this before FEB. 10 and would like to share some websites with pictures (gotta have pictures!) I would be most appreciative.

No Guilt or Shame

2010-01-27T13:49:00.000-08:00

I was feeling too guilty to post on my blog since I have neglected it for so long but it appears as though 85% of my blog list friends are just as pitiful as I am so it's not that big of a deal...

So I think I will start posting again. But not today. I'm pretty busy and on my way to Church. But later. For sure.

Just For Fun

2009-08-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

I took this quiz thing on Crown.org (Crown Financial Ministries) Not sure what this has to do with getting me out of debt but it was pretty cool. :)

General Description
As an Analyzer, you tend to seek perfect outcomes in all of your plans and projects. In many situations, you “take things apart” in your mind and think about ways to do them better. You excel at this kind of mental examination, but you may tend to see family and friends as “projects,” rather than as people.

Typical Areas of Strength
Analyzers, like you, tend to be analytical, logical, direct, confident, and they like new challenges. They excel at seeing the larger vision, creating efficient methods and procedures, and listening carefully for the facts.

Typical Areas of Struggle
Due to your tendency to focus on tasks, you sometimes show a lack of sensitivity to the feelings of family members and friends. When you are sharply focused on a task, you may come across as being overly critical, judgmental, blunt, or impatient with others.

Your Preferred Activities
To maximize your talents, you look for situations in which you can offer logical solutions to complex challenges, and you evaluate and make the necessary changes to assure the desired outcome.

Your Communication Style
You tend to provide insights and direction by teaching, managing, clarifying, and advising.

Hot And Sticky

2009-08-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to tell you guys how hot I am. Yes, I know you are thinking..."well duh!" but I'm talking about temperature people! :p Seriously, I think my house was built pre-caveman so the insulation is no good. As a matter of fact it is probably asbestos so that would explain a lot...like why I can sleep 20 hours a day. Pre-coma? You be the judge. I also have one of the first ever, experimental stage, cooling systems. It doesn't really work but we let it run anyway because we enjoy massive electric bills. It is only 10 a.m. and 90 plus degrees outside and it feels better out there than in here. :/ It's a good thing I am cold natured, right? Besides, there are worse things. I could be a democrat.

Other things...

I am finally painting my walls a color that isn't in the white family. Kayla bought paint for me for my Christmas present! It takes a long time to paint walls an actual color because you have to do a good job or it will look messy which means I have to work harder to make it look good. Working hard is not my favorite...working harder is plain ridiculous. The color is brown but not chocolate brown or beige..more like a milkshake brown. Walls that make you think of ice cream cannot be a good thing. But overall I am pleased with how it is looking. However, this morning I was watching one of my favorite shows, "Design Star", and the in the preview for the next episode one of my favorite designers said, "I will gladly go home before I paint a wall brown." How am I suppose to take that? I guess until he comes over here...buys the paint...and paints the walls himself...they will just have to be brown. Besides, most of the HGTV shows tell you to go neutral! Most HGTV shows have way more to work with than I do. So W/E.

That is all for now. I am melting a little bit so I should probably go find a fan.

Gentlemen Start Yer Engines

2009-07-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

Thursday we went to Daytona Speedway. Guess who's day it was?! Of course we couldn't be that close to the "most amazing racetrack/race on the planet" and not take a tour. The girls didn't really want to go but we made them and they had fun...really. Fun they had.

They were giddy on the inside. You just can't really tell here because it was hotter than lava and they had been through 5 days of pictures already.

Victory Lane

Rocky's new friend the tour guide man. We are not just the last people to leave the church parking lot...we are the last people to get on the track trolly too.

Picture of the girls waiting for their dad to get back on the trolly truck ... Jordan taking a nap.

It's hard to see this picture but Rocky just finished setting a new "record" on the nascar racing game thing. I think I was 4th out of 4. W/E

One of the few pictures I was in (on purpose)... you see, in Florida you can take a shower, not dry your hair and not wear make up and go anywhere you want and not stand out because people just assume you just finished swimming. It was most excellent as long as no one had a camera around. All week I told the girls, "It's vacation ladies...let your ugly hang out....no one cares" And let me tell ya, we did just that. :-)

The rest of our adventures are waiting for me to pick them up at the Walmart photo counter so you'll have to sit tight and wait until I have enough energy to travel ALL THE WAY to Walmart.

...Two Mondays Later

2009-07-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

So I said I would post more pictures on Monday but I didn't say which one..and technically today is Sunday so I'm early. You're welcome.

This is the day we went to Disney. Since Kayla graduated this year we let her choose which Disney park she wanted to go to and she chose EPCOT.

This is when everyone was starting to get grumpy because the lines were getting long and we couldn't decide what we wanted to do next so we sat down to eat popcorn (because that is what you are supposed to do when you can't decide what to do.)Kayla was being a trooper. She is the only one who would smile.

A cool fountain and a random girl trying to lick her elbow

The boat ride that takes you through the "It's A Small World" show

Moroccan Belly Dancer

This is a picture I took of Rocky outside of the store in Morocco because we were waiting for Kayla to finish buying her magic genie lamp but she was inside flirting with the Moroccan sales boy so it took a while.

Chinese acrobats.

The only Disney characters we saw...I was a little disappointed with Mickey Mouse. You'd think that he would be all over the place since he charges so much but I didn't see him one time.

Who's Blog Is This?

2009-07-10T08:28:00.002-07:00

Here's something you may not know about me...I can only be obsessed with one thing at a time and lately it has been t.v. and not computer. But, I'm getting a little bored with t.v. so I think it is time to move on.

So...

We just got back from our Florida vacation! Well not just just but a couple of weeks ago just. I have decided that the thing I do not like about vacation is getting ready to leave. The cleaning, packing, paying bills ahead of time, doing EVERYTHING a week in advance (this is just not how I operate)having to take the dog to puppy prison, oil changes, tire rotations, no money havin'...it's exhausting!

I have also decided that I feel really bad for anyone who has to drive more than 8 hours to get to the beach. We usually go to a different part of Florida so the scenery was a little different this time but I have to say...going through Alabama with their no paved road having selves was more interesting then going straight across Florida. Something you may not know about Florida...If you are not at the beach or in a tourist town there is a whole lot of NOTHING. Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything but I would never live in or around Atlanta. I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. I don't like driving OR riding through that traffic. My head hurts just thinking about it. Anyway...

Let me show some pictures...First from St. Augustine...This is where I picked to visit because I had thought a few times that it would be fun to vacation there but since we were so close I could just go see it...

We went to the Mission of Nombre De Dios Shrine of Our Lady Of La Leche. This is the only place I bought anything for myself. What did I buy you ask? Well let me tell you. You guys, they had a gift shop and in that gift shop was a container of water BUT not just any water...it was of the Holy version. So yes, I purchased a plastic flask full of Holy Water. You just don't know how excited I was/am. I got a couple of drops on my hand and it didn't burn so I'm thinking that was a good sign. Anyway, pictures...

This squirrel was posing so I took a picture.

This is the actual Mission.

I made the girls pose with a Saint.

Not sure what this building was...I was just taking pictures

So then we went to St. George's Row and did some shopping.
We saw the oldest schoolhouse but they charged admission to actually go inside and since it was the size of my bathroom I was pretty sure I wasn't going to pay someone to let me look at the inside four walls when I could look at the outside walls all I wanted to without paying a dime.

A cool fountain. I told the girls to make the face but Jordan was the only one who would play.

Ok. So then we went to the Lightner Museum

And saw a dead guy

And sniffed armpits

Flirted with pasty white guys

Posed like Super Hero's (I told the girls to pose or something so all of our pictures wouldn't look the same and this is what I got...nevermind)

And walked over a bridge

So it was really really hot and we were getting tired so after we paid $50 for 5 slices of pizza and 5 waters we decided to wrap it up at this fortress thingy..I can't remember the name. It was a place where people fought and it was made of rocks and was kinda stinky and if you ever go save your money...not really interesting at all.

Done and Over It

Gah that took me an hour to post...I'll put up more pictures tomorrow...or Monday. :)

Kate Plus 8?

2009-05-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

Even though I have watched a total of maybe 10 episodes of Jon & Kate plus 8 I caved last night and watched the season premiere. I know, I am a hypocrite but so? It was the season premiere and I would much rather hear from the actual people what is going on instead of reading about it in trashy tabloids while standing in line at Walmart!

I have to say...it was pretty sad. I am not emotionally invested in this couple at all but I still felt really bad for them and those kids. I'm no expert but it doesn't look like those two really like each other anymore and that is sad because I am also pretty sure that this 'reality' show has a lot to do with it.

Jon is hating this whole reality thing. He is over it. But since he won't stand up to his wife and continues to let her treat him like her 9th child...he isn't getting out of it. So, plan B, act like a baby,abandon your husband/daddy duties and revert back to your teenage years. How's that working out for ya? Anyone else notice how rough that brother was looking on the show last night? Obviously noone is laying his clothes out for him or making sure he is eating a nutritious meal...

Kate, darling, you are great, amazing, beautiful, #1 mom...if I write that enough times would you consider dropping the show? I can't help but think that you have chosen this show and the glamour/money/benefits you receive from it over your family. You can still make appearances and write books and travel without having cameras following you around 24/7. Your kids have been living like this since they were born! Can't you give them a break? You can do like the rest of the moms on the planet and document your children growing up with blurry pictures and video that shakes because your hands won't be still! Think about it. You can't say it is for your family anymore. It's not for your husband and it's not for your kids...so who does that leave?

Not judging...just an observation. :)

Blahdy Blah WHAT?

2009-05-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

I know that most of you don't watch LOST but dang...the season finale last night left my head spinning. It was just "'aight for me dawg" until the last 10 min. If you would have been in my house at 10:50 last night you would have heard...

LOL @ Miles
WAIT!
WHAT?!
HO-LEE COW!
NO NO NO NO NO
RUN RUN SHOOOOOT HIM!
JUUUULIETTTTEEE
AWWWWW DANG
JOHN? JOHN IS IN THE BOX??!! Then who is....
No Ben. DON'T!
"What about you?" HAHA oOoOoOoOo
OUCH
NO! STOP WITH THE BOMB! BAD IDEA! You are NOT a variable!
The End (it took me about 3 min. to recover and un-drop my jaw.)

I have officially concluded that by the end of the final season I will either be deeply offended by the story line and launching an anti-LOST campaign or I will be amazed at the genius of it all and will have to watch it all over again from episode one just to take in all of the awesomeness of it.

In Other News...

I was lucky enough to avoid braces with Kayla. Thinking I'm not gonna be so lucky with Jordan. I'm kinda bummed about it. Her teeth aren't really jacked up but they could use some straightening.
I get annoyed at these parents who have a kid with one crooked tooth on the bottom back half of their mouth, who go out and get the kid braces and pay thousands of dollars for it. That is just dumb. One crooked tooth is not going to kill a person. But when they are front teeth you kinda have to consider it. I don't really understand why they cost so much though. We are talking about glue and metal. How much could that really cost? And the orthodontist spends what? 5 seconds tightening the braces once a month? I think we are getting ripped off.

Gah, I wish someone would come clean my house! No...it wouldn't help. I just need to have a 'throw stuff in the garbage' party. I have been watching marathons of all the HGTV decorating shows and I think I am almost ready to tackle something. I'm thinking we should have our own little challenge. What if we all picked a project we have been putting off forever and do our own little 'before and after' pictures? There would have to be a time limit because I know how unmotivated we all are...and the only prizes would be either tons of praise for a job well done or heaps of shame for those who don't finish. Sounds like fun, yes? Think about it.

Oh For Cryin' Out Loud

2009-04-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm back! whoop whoop.

Where have I been?

A. Backpacking through Europe
B. On a secret mission for the government
C. At home, spring cleaning and being a good mom who cooks a lot of food
D. At home but too lazy to blog

You decide.

Well, I just watched the last episode of LOST and I have to tell ya that it is starting to look less like a mystery and more like a family reunion on Sand Mountain. Dude, everyone is related. Sisters are moms of brothers who are dads to the cousins who married the sisters. It is bizarre. I'm semi-upset about Daniel but at the same time would have picked him as the person (regular) that I read about who was going to be killed off the show this season...even though his demise made this whole episode seem pointless. I would also like to comment about the GOOFY smoke monster from the prior episode. Not that smoke monsters are not cool and all but when Ben flushed that muddy toilet to "call the monster" I was all, "really? A mud hole toilet? That was lame."
So I'm not really feeling a new theory here except for now I'm wondering what was the point of the secret smoke monster cave and the Egyptian hieroglyphics. Anyone out there read Egyptian wall art? Richard is the key. I am convinced. If I can figure out who he is and why he is then I got this. Maybe Richard is the dad of everyone on the island!
This better not end up being some kind of dumb public service announcement about how we are all related in one way or another so we should be nice to each other and stop shooting people.

Anyway, what else have I been doing....

My yard has been mowed TWICE in as many weeks.

I have been trying to do my Jillian Michaels 30 day shred workouts but I swear I am gaining weight. Of course it could be because of those ice cream snicker bars or that Burger King at 10 p.m. but still. I can now do at least 15 push-up's without falling on my face (girl style push-up's...don't judge)

I have a new favorite show to add to my favorite show list! There is this show on Discovery channel about this group of people who have been dropped in the middle of Alaska and have to hike their way out before they die from starvation, exposure, or bear. Good stuff. It comes on after Deadliest Catch, which is also on my favorite show list.

Jade's excellent amazing best field trip ever has been cancelled. They were supposed to go to Huntsville, Al tomorrow to the Space Center but since somebody was just diagnosed with the swine flu in that area they canceled the trip. Jade insists that she would rather risk getting this "Swan flu" than have to miss her field trip though. She also babbled on about how they had already paid for the charter buses so we may not get our $40 back that was paid for this trip and all I have to say about that is someone better be calling BO and asking for a special "canceled excellent field trip bus fare already paid parents need money back" stimulus package.

Jordan pulled a muscle during track practice a couple days ago and told me on the way home that her coaches said she may have "split shins" hehaha. Don't tell her I told you...she will hit me.

Kayla has decided that cute summer dresses are not the same as wearing shorts (which she has refused to wear for the past 6 summers). I think I would be way more comfortable hanging around in shorts than I would a dress but w/e...it's better than bluejeans! She is getting there.

Ralphie has figured out that after we put him in the van to drive to school we open the gate...so now, instead of being a good bratty dog and jumping right into the van...he runs to the gate to try and get out. grrr @ paininthebutt dogs.

That is all I can think of right now because Survivor is coming on in 3 min. and I have to go watch.

Bye!

You've All Gone Mad

2009-04-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

Up until today I was feeling a little guilty for not being excited about Spring Break. Well, I was selfishly excited because I wouldn't have to set my alarm and could sleep as long as I wanted, but that was as far as it went. Then you hear all these mom's who are all: "I'm so excited about Spring Break! I'm gonna take my kids here and do this and spend lots of quality time and blah blah gag..." So I thought, ok. This year we are going to stop cleaning and working and really concentrate on doing fun stuff...and then:

Wake up on the first day of Spring Break and it is 30 degrees outside and drizzling with the possibility of snow showers by Tuesday.

The kids decide that since it is Spring Break they can destroy my house more than usual and get offended when I ask them to pick up after themselves because, "Gah mom, it's Spring Break!"

Even the dog woke up this morning and decided to eat his toy basket so now we have shredded wicker all over the house as well.

2 hours after the kids finally decide to wake up they are already:
"I hate you"
"Shut up"
"You shut up"
"I would shut up if you would shut up but since you won't shut up I won't shut up"
"You started it"
"No, you started it"
(Mom: holy cow girls...could you both just stop talking?)
"she won't stop!"
"You are the one who won't stop!"
pushing and shoving and girl fighting
(Mom: just go to your rooms, NOW!)
"Fine, I don't care"
"You ALWAYS take her side!!"
(Mom: I sent BOTH of you to your rooms!)
"But SHE started it!!"
fake crying and stomping...slamming doors
(Mom: you are both grounded)
"THIS IS NOT FAIRRRRRR!!!"
(Mom: Tell me about it. :/ )

Not Fair Indeed.

Moment Of Silence

2009-04-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

I am officially retiring some of my clothes. Normally I would just keep them until they die but since I am still wearing stuff I bought 10 years ago it is obvious that I am just too good of a shopper and these clothes aren't going anywhere voluntarily. Who knew that clearance rack $2 pull-over would last that long?!
When your mother posts a picture of you and your little sister from 5 years ago...and the outfit you were wearing then is the same outfit you wore 2 days ago...it is time to refresh your wardrobe. When you are a 36 year old mom who has a t-shirt collection that puts your teenage daughters to shame...it is time to buy some big girl clothes.

But...here is my problem. The Junior section of the store is not fit for a child over the age of 14 which means that the older teenager needs to shop in the older, still hip but fit for a young ladies body section. That my friends, only leaves the stretchy pants and embroidered hummingbird shirts. What do 30 somethings wear? You don't want to dress like a teenager (really ladies, please don't dress like a teenager..it is not attractive on them and it looks plain silly on you...)however, if the teenagers are shopping in the more adult section, there isn't anything left!

Another major turn off is when you are looking at what seems to be a nice "in-between" section and see something that you think is pretty cute and then a lady in her early 80's comes over and says, "lookie here Gladys..this is cute" and is talking about the same thing you were just looking at...it is time to go home and regroup.

I think I need Clinton and Stacey from What Not To Wear to come and throw all of my clothes away, give me a $5000 credit card and tell me what to buy. I'm not sure I would enjoy paying $750 for one pair of pants though. Someone needs to teach them how to bargain shop.

Moral Dilema

2009-04-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I just watched LOST. I still haven't seen the 2 episodes I missed so I won't give any theories this week...however, this episode has me pondering on a different question. Would I have let Ben die? I think my answer is Yes. Yes I would have let Ben die. What? Don't judge me. I didn't shoot the kid...I just wouldn't go out of my way to save him. Does that make me a bad person? :)

I really got a kick out of Hurley trying to figure out what was happening. He thinks a lot like me. I wonder if that is why Clair disappeared? Maybe something changed and whatever it was made Clair disappear back to the future, erm, or past? In fact, maybe all of the appearances by "dead people" weren't really dead people at all but instead people from different time periods trying to make contact or change something. Ouch...brain cramp.

I lied, I can't help myself. I have to try to figure this thing out.

It is Kate and Sawyer's fault that Ben turns out to be evil. He was supposed to die from the gunshot. Richard said that if he took him that he would no longer be the same boy and that he would lose his innocence, right? And that he would forget everything that had happened which would explain why he didn't remember any of them...Well, had Kate and Sawyer not taken Ben to them then that would not have happened. So obviously evil little boy Ben goes back and proceeds to kill them all.

Question: What was the name of the little girl that young Ben was friends with? The one who gave him a doll...? (This was from an episode a long time ago)

Sidebar

2009-03-30T18:46:00.001-07:00

I have found 2 websites you can use (free of charge) to check out the contents of movies, books etc... before you watch, buy or rent

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/

and

http://www.pluggedinonline.com/

The Vampire Slayer

2009-03-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is me. I am the one person I know that has not let my kids watch *****T*W*I*L*I*G*H*T***** Apparently this translates into me being unreasonable and overprotective. Does anyone besides me see a pattern emerging here? I should sell t-shirts and start a club. OPUM - OverProtective Unreasonable Mom - Club. If I weren't the founder I would definitely be a member.

I know that some of you may be thinking that I am one of the crazy Jesus people who refuses to let her kids participate in the real world and that one day they will be wild because they were too sheltered. Ok. I'm cool with that. However, untrue that may be I do not mind being one of those Jesus people. And yes, I am a little touched in the head but you can't outgrow genetics people. Also, if my kids are going to be wild it will be of their own free will and not because their parents were too afraid to tell them No.

I guess I will, grudgingly, state my case on this subject because...well, because I'm a little bored right now and this is the only thing I could think of to blog about...just be clear that it is not because I feel like I should have to ever explain my parenting skillz because people, there are some Mad Skillz involved that the average brain cannot and will never be capable of comprehending. I don't hold a grudge against people who don't understand. I don't expect you to get it.

5 Reasons why my kids will not watch *T*W*I*L*I*G*H*T*

1. Because it is a PG-13 movie and my youngest kid is only 11. Not only will she most likely have nightmares about vampires for the next 3 months but she is underage and I do not want to break any Federal Laws. If you knew anything about Jade you would know that she is all about drama and needs no cinematic extravaganza of vampire lust to add to her list of things to obsess about.

2. I have made it a general rule in my own life to never subject my kids to anything, whether it be a movie or a book or piercings or bad fashion etc... that causes the type of obsessive behavior that is clearly CLEARLY present with this movie. When grown women wear "I love Edward" t-shirts or parents let their kids skip school so they can be the first ones to see the movie or you have 5 shirts in your wardrobe and 4 1/2 of them say something about TWILIGHT on them or When adults get angry with you because you won't let your kids watch the movie...there is a problem. For the record, I won't let my kids watch Cartoon Network after dark, or some Nickelodeon shows or Desperate Housewives or 99% of Lifetime Network movies or Law and Order SVU (I have a pretty long list). It is called discernment and I be usin' mine. It be my job as a mommy. I'm sure this is where someone in my past will point out that I was once in love/obsessed with Michael Jackson but I would like to argue that this only adds validity to my point. Luckily I outgrew it before he lost his nose.

3. Because so many people think I should let them watch it. Nothing deep here. Just don't like to be told what to do. :)

4. I do realize that vampires are fantasy like the wolf man, dracula, frankenstein...etc...but I do get a little eye twitch when it comes to the eternally damned and wondering if my kids are equating cheesy movies with Scripture. Just a little eye twitch but usually if the best answer I can come up with is "I don't know" the correct response is to just say "No". This could be another area that people will want to argue with me about to which I will go ahead and respond with: I don't care...Care I don't...Do I care? Nope...I careth not...Who me? Care? Don't think so. This is more of an informative post than a debate.

5. Rumor has it that the books progress into a "darker" theme and that their is a pretty descriptive sex scene further ahead. Now, I ask you this, are you someone who can watch part 1 of a 3 part movie and walk away satisfied to never watch the other 2 parts? Don't lie. You know you can't. So how and why would I expect my young daughters to be satisfied with the not so bad first movie knowing that I will have to fight them later when the a little worse and then the flat out not gonna happen movies come out? Why would I want to do that?

Guys, it is a vampire movie. Watch it, buy the t-shirts, marry Edward...I don't care.... I just think I will sit this one out. I truly do not believe that my kids are going to suffer if they miss this movie. If you are seeing red right now and your ears are pouring steam you may want to relax a little bit and try to figure out why you are so bent out of shape because I won't let my kids watch this movie. Think about it.

P.S. - I would be a liar if I didn't admit to be obsessed with certain shows. If you truly need to add meaning and depth to your life you should try watching the BACKYARDIGANS on Nick Jr. Best show ever!

P.P.S. - I did turn off comments for this post because it is not intended to call out any one person but to share with the planet, or the 3 people who will read this, the reasons why it is pointless to continue to TWILIGHT me. I am not calling into question anyone's character or saying that those who watch this movie are making a bad decision. I know a few perfectly brilliant Christian families that have let their kids watch this movie and have no negative feelings towards that decision at all. It really is a matter of opinion. My concern is less about this movie than the next one or the one after that. I'm just planning ahead. My decision was made before Thanksgiving of last year (before the movie but after the book obsession) so this post is not a reaction to any one event but a compilation of several TWILIGHT episodes over the past 6 months. So please do not get your feelings hurt because you think I am talking about or to you. I am talking to Edward and he understands.

Peace Out

No...It's Not Like Your House

2009-03-24T10:46:00.001-07:00

I know I have already posted once today but as I was looking around my house trying to figure out why I was on the verge of a panic attack yesterday because of all the things I needed to do but today can't think of one thing knowing full well that something needs to be done, I remembered a couple of darling kids that came over to my house a long time ago. This story is still relevant today because nothing has changed, in fact, it is probably worse...

First Kid: We will call him boy #2 because Lisa numbers her kids instead of calling them by name.

He was over at my house and needed to go to the bathroom. Nothing exciting about that. When he came out of the bathroom he said: "You need to call Bob Villa". And walked off. You have to understand that this kid never speaks and yet he felt compelled to point out to me the sad state of disrepair my bathroom was in. Message for Boy #2: It still looks the same way...5 years later. :p

Second Kid: This was the grandkid of a neighbor who used to come over and play with my girls.

This kid walked into my living room and said, "Are y'all havin' a yard sale?" I know you are wondering what the big deal is. The big deal is that NO we were not having a yard sale. I just had piles of clothes, dishes, dvd's, shoes etc... all over the living room and this kid thought we were having a yard sale when in reality that was just our everyday stuff that we walk on, over or around.

This weekend Jade had a friend spend the night and my house ate her cell phone. I can't find it anywhere! Of course, you really don't have a 'starting place' when it comes to looking for something around here because it is all one giant mess.

I tell you this because for those of you to whom I say, "My house is a mess", I would respectfully ask that you not say, "Oh, it's ok...so is mine" when we all know that your definition of mess is: dust, vaccuum, empty trash...and mine is: I lost my dog somewhere..I can hear him whining but I can't pinpoint which pile he is under.

Think of it this way: If my kid wanted to spend the night at your house and your house looked like my house looks all the time, I wouldn't let them come over there. :)

My mess can beat up your mess.

Why Dost Thou Hateth Me So?

2009-03-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Y'all I still can't get ABC to let me watch LOST. CBS let me watch the Amazing Race and Survivor but ABC won't budge. Who is this vile creature who goes by the name ABC? What transgressions have I commited against thee? I have requested access to your vault of rerun webisodes for half a fortnight but alas my efforts have been in vain. Thou teaseth me by loading a mere 30% each time only to shatter my hope and freeze my computer.

Is it because I haven't brushed my hair? Is there a dress code to attend this shindig? Are my theories better than the ones the writers have thought up and they are feeling intimidated?

I am fixing to just hop on a plane and go to the island and just ask Sawyer what has been going on. He'll tell me....(after he makes fun of me and calls me names)

I guess I will just have to invest in a pair of headphones and hook up the laptop at church in the Pastors office and catch up. Don't think I won't!

In Other News...

Jordan ran her first track meet yesterday. She was scheduled to run in 3 events but since there isn't a coach in this entire area that is qualified to do the job they sign up for it was unorganized and chaotic so they decided to cut the last event. Anyway, she was running the 400...(I wasn't there because I had other kids to pick up from work and take home and so forth and so on...just say what you are thinking, "Bad Mommy!") Where was I? Oh, she was running the 400...Now here is where I need to give a back story.

Jordan said that her coaches told them that they needed running shoes with spikes and that it was ok not to have them for the first meet but Jordan is not very patient and she hearts new shoes so she went ahead and found some. Now, for those of you who do not know, the spikes are metal and you can only wear the metal spikes on grass or rubber tracks (please don't ask what the heck a rubber track is because I am just repeating what I was told and have absolutely no knowledge on the subject..just work with me)
anyway, she asked her coaches if the shoes were ok and they said yes. So...she put the spikes on her shoes and got ready for the race. This was a full on track meet...hurdle jumping and all...so she was there for almost 3 hours before the race she was in started (that tidbit has no relevance to my story at all)

Finally, it was time for her race. She started in the back of the pack but before she got to the 3rd turn she was in 2nd and about to take 1st...and then...she fell! The stupid track was stupid asphalt and the dumb underqualified coaches didn't think to mention that or didn't know or didn't care or maybe aren't even coaches at all but just a couple of random parents with whistles...(I have underqualified coach turrets.) So of course when the spikes got hot the shoes got slick and my kid did a number on her kneecap and her ankle.

Que: "Chariots of Fire" song....

This, my friends, is why my kid is better than your kid... Instead of renting her clothes, gnashing her teeth and curling up in the fetal position wailing like a baby, MY KID picked herself up and finished running her race...gimped up ankle, bloody knee and all. Granted it was probably pride that kept her from crying and quitting and we all know that pride cometh before the fall...BUT...in this case the fall cameth before the pride so I'm pretty sure that is ok. :D

Now I get to go buy my kid some new running shoes before the next track meet because I'm sure we are all now aware that the underqualified coaches have no idea which shoes should be worn on which track and since the only solution to that problem that I can think of is to put metal spikes on their shoes and insist they run around the track to see if they slide and bust their face on it...it is better to be safe than sorry (sorry for causing a huge scene if my kid falls again because I will and people will cry and it won't be anyone related to me) Amen.

Short Pants Short Boots

2009-03-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

I was super excited in Pigeon Forge because I scored a pair of short boots for 75% off! I KNOW! All I have are long boots and while noone can tell the difference when you wear them with jeans...at some point it gets too hot to be wearing them. Last year I pondered on buying the short boots when they were on clearance but decided not to and then when the next year rolled around I was filled with regret because I needed some but I refuse to pay full price for short boots because you are getting less product for the same price as long boots. Are ya feelin' me? Good.

So I get my short boots and am all looking forward to wearing them with my new dress pants. I got all ready and the boots looked good but then I sat down and the pants shrank up above my ankles. :( I don't usually lose my cool just because my ankle is showing but when you add short boots and short pants you get a whole bunch of ugly. Add to the fact that I don't usually invest much time or thought into sock shopping so I just had on my regular all white ankle socks. Now picture it. Short boots, short pants, white ankle socks sticking out of short boots. Pretty sure that picture hasn't been in any fashion magazines lately.

I'm so sad! Now I have to go and buy dress pants that are 'long' just so I can wear my short boots. I don't like to wear pants that are so long I walk on them. It's annoying!

So if there is anyone out there who is looking to buy boots, remember: short boots/long pants...long boots/short pants...and buy colored socks so you won't look like a hillbilly.

4 Reasons Why I Will Probably Be Grumpy Today

2009-03-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

Reason #1:

I cannot get ABC to load the last LOST episode! Maybe I should reboot my computer? Everything else works. Lisa sent me a text last night about jumpsuits and Jack and Workman and now I'm all, "dang, I might have to rethink my theory" but I can't watch it to see what is going on! I will save it until I am able to watch the show. I'm sure there is a special secret hint in there just for me.

Reason #2:

Bugs. A bee flew by my head this morning! Isn't it too early for bees? GAH! I hate bees. AND that is not the worst thing. Jade said she found a TICK in the bathroom (of course she crushed the life out of the little beast and flushed it but still..) I also found a tick crawling on my dog a few days ago. Do you know how many ticks I have seen in my life? Maybe 2. But already this year I have seen 2. That makes me itchy and paranoid. What if I have a tick? Maybe that is why my blood doesn't flow!

I have never had a seasonal preference because it's always springtime in my house no matter what the weather is outside..however, now I think I hate summer/spring because of bugs and bees and fleas and ticks and hotness and sweat and lawn mowing and flip flopping (I love flipflops I just can't stand hearing them flip and flop) and how obvious it becomes that I don't have a tan and leg shaving and having to match your toe polish with your clothes and bathing suit shopping.

Reason #3:

I don't care who wins this basketball thingie...what I do care about is that you are putting this dumb basketball thingie in the place of some of my favorite shows. Don't you have your own special sport channel for stuff like this? I guess I will be able to get more stuff done around the house until your giant ball dribblers finish throwing the little orange ball into the nets but next year you should really consider showing it on CNN or PBS. I never watch those channels. Thanks.

Reason #4:

I accidentally left the news channel on this morning and heard BO's (Barak Obama) voice. I'm starting to understand the people who couldn't watch George W talk. However, at least my W. was entertaining. BO just gets up there and says, "I am wonderful...you people are dumb...I can say HOPE and you all fall at my feet...I am a pretty man...You people are suckers...I won...you are all losers...I am running the country into the ground and putting us into so much debt that the United States will no longer be a super power and will have no voice in world affairs because we will have to ask China for permission to speak because they own us! If you love my decisions it is all me...if you hate them, it was someone else's fault...I have no idea what I am doing...blahdy blahdy blah I'm amazing. Now cheer for me so I can go pick my favorites to win the basketball tournament while you all try to figure out how you are going to buy groceries this week...."

I'm not sure if that was an exact quote... but that's how I heard it. :)

Can't Get Right!

2009-03-17T19:46:00.001-07:00

I really wish I was one of those people who could lay down and BAM! I'm asleep in 5 seconds and then when it is time to wake up....KAPLOW! I'm up and happy and energetic and ready for the new day....sigh....

Instead it takes me 30-45 min. to fall asleep and a pot of coffee & 3-4 hours after I get out of bed to completely wake up and feel alert enough to function.

So I have been trying to figure out how to manage my sleep schedule to best fit my day.

The whole time I was on Lisa's retreat I went to bed early-ish (as early as someone can go to bed when Lisa has the microphone haha) so when I woke up I wouldn't be grumpy and would have enough sleep to be sociable. That was ok except I missed most of the social time because I was in the bed trying to get enough sleep to be social. I know. By 10 p.m. I was done and ready for bed again and it was because I was missing my afternoon nap! So going to bed early and getting up early doesn't suit me....

Next I have tried to go to bed a little later (11ish) and get up early (6ish-to take the kids to school) and nap around noon. Well that is all fine and good but it totally takes away a third of my day when I have no distractions and a little peace and quiet. That's no good.

Then I tried the whole 11 bedtime and 6 get up time with a 4 p.m. nap. That works out pretty good except then I am not sleepy until around 1 a.m. and still have to get up at 6 a.m. to get the kids off to school or sleep late and pull into the school parking lot sideways...tires squealing...saying "if you run to class you may get in there before the bell rings!!" but since I only had 5-6 hours of sleep I wake up sleepy and even if I don't take a nap until 4 I am useless because I am too tired to do anything.

This morning I just said forget it...I'm going back to bed as soon as I watch the episode of Amazing Race that I missed on Sunday. That is what I did and I slept until noon. Grrr. The dog was supposed to wake me up around 10 but he fell asleep too so he is useless. There is no accountability in this house.

So anyway. That is my issue for the day. I still haven't figured it out. I just wish I could sleep all morning and stay up all night. I don't like morning or anything associated with morning. Except sunshine. If the sun could shine at night that would be great.

Ummm...

2009-03-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

I was out of space on my card so I didn't get much of this one

Black Eyes And Huge Buts...

2009-03-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a weekend retreat with Lisa's church and for those who have never had the pleasure I thought I would fill you in...

Let's start with my favorite quote:

"We have these huge buts with all this nasty stuff trailing behind them"

This little gem came straight from Lisa on the last days session. Now taken out of context it is probably one of the most hilarious things I have ever heard. Being the good sister that I am, I shared this with Lisa after it was over. Just trying to be a blessing Lis. :) This is why you should never take things out of their original context. haha.

Keeping things in context is a different story. I can honestly say that I have heard many people speak and after sitting through this weekends study...my sister has some mad skillz! I can usually tell how well a speaker or preacher does by looking at my notes later. I am a doodler. If you lose my attention or if I get bored or you are just plain bad at what you do, I will have lots and lots of pictures, creative ways to write my name, circle chains, flowers etc... doodled all over my paper. However, after sitting through 4 sessions that lasted about an hour each time I only had one, "C"...one "Christi" and one "Circle chain" That only totals about 5 min. of mind wandering. That is amazing! God has truly taken Lisa's gift of gab and turned it into a ministry. She did an excellent job. People get paid to do what she did this weekend that do not do it as well as she does. I'm really glad I went and will probably be pondering on this study for several more weeks. Buts and all.

If it were me trying to lead a ladies Bible study it would last about 20 seconds and all I would be able to say is:

Jesus loves you
Stop being silly
Go and sin no more
The end.

Now, I'm breaking out in hives so enough with the sister love.

Let's move on to the after hour parties......(Keep in mind that these are Lisa's people)

There is a whole 'pee on yourself' story that goes along with this picture that Lisa might want to explain. lol Yes, those are Depends undergarments.

Lisa speaking....

Lisa gagging? Sorry Lisa, this is one of my favorite pictures. I couldn't not post it. :))

The ladies who cooked the delicious food...

This is Ms. Greene. She is 79 and I want to be her when I grow up!

Fridge Full Of Cookie Dough

2009-03-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

For those of you who supported the RMS band program by buying a tub of cookies...it has arrived! Not sure when it will be delivered. :p

I have to give it to the school system. They really know how to get a kid to sell overpriced items to family and friends. I'm usually opposed to all things fundraiser which is why you normally do not have to buy things from my kids but this time they were on a mission and there was no stopping them. They were promised a party for those who sold at least 5 tubs and a prize for those who sold at least 10. So, of course that was the goal and while Jade didn't make the 10 mark she hit the 5 so it was all good.

As it turns out, the party was an after-school event which if you ask me defeats the purpose of a party because what is a school reward party if you can't skip a class to go to it?! So on top of the inconvience of selling and the constant pestering from my kids, I had to postpone my day even more to pick them up late from school. When I picked them up they said, "that party was lame, all we did was eat chips and play video games." They do that every day at home. To make matters worse, the "prize" Jordan got for selling 10 tubs of overpriced cookie dough was this little plastic toy that I could have bought at the dollar store.

But, I guess it was for the good of the school so I can't complain much. I just think that if kids are going to ask people for money they should have something amazing to offer like house cleaning or yard work. Something useful. Or it could be that I'm just no fun and am not a team player. Yeah, probably that.

I am also going to tell you how the first day at the new church went but am kinda waiting for this guy to send me some pictures so I can have a little show and tell. I took my camera but have a hard time with taking pictures in church. My camera doesn't do well without the flash and it's pretty distracting to have a flash going off during church so I didn't take any pictures.

I'm An Athletic Child

2009-02-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

According to my blood pressure which is 103/64 I fall into the range of Athlete/Child. I'm halfway to a coma and if my blood pressure gets lower I will have to take meds to keep from randomly passing out. Ha Ha. Well maybe not that close. I'm in the Low Normal range. And I haven't really moved much today or yesterday or tomorrow.
Or maybe I really am an athlete. Maybe what I do every day is all they do everyday and all this exercise stuff is just hype!
Since I now know that my blood pressure probably rivals that of Michael Phelps, I will go take a nap and relax for a while.

Peace Out

Lost Thoughts...

2009-02-23T08:41:00.000-08:00

First, I would just like to say...for the record...that it would be O.K. with me if Desmond were in every television show on t.v. I would watch t.v. all day because, well....

I know! Right?!

Anyway...

Jack - if I were knowingly getting on a plane that is going to drop out of the sky and end up on a mysterious moving island I would not wear a suit! Really Jack? A suit? Did you learn nothing from your last adventure? You could have at least wore layers so you could share some of your freshly laundered clothing with those people who were not fortunate enough to get off the island. You should have also stuffed your pockets with some sort of tasty treats for those who were left behind. Maybe some everlasting gobstoppers? Those last a while. Also, what if that note had said, "JACK DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT GET ON THAT PLANE!" You would have felt a little silly, right? You should never not read notes from dead guys before trying to crash land on an invisible island. That should be in a rule book somewhere.

Kate - I'm beginning to dislike you and your moodiness.

Sun - You are not a super hero. Why would you leave your child with your mother when you know your dad whom you hate will end up raising said child if you do not return? Yeah, too late to ponder that now.

Hurley - You would be my best friend in real life.

Sayid - You are second only to Desmond. I'm glad they let you get back on the plane!

Now, here's what I think....I think Kate is pregnant now. This is because she didn't take the baby back to the island but to recreate the whole scenario as much as possible there needed to be a baby going back. Also, I believe that Ben killed Penny. He promised her dad that he would kill Penny since his dad was responsible for killing his (not really) daughter. I know he was all bloody and beat up looking but Ben is shady. He probably beat himself up after he killed her. And why is it noone asked what happened to his face? Anyway, that was the thing he had to go do after he left the church. That would also support my theory that baby Charlie is Charlie charlie because something happens to Penny and Desmond. I believe Desmond will find Penny dead and come back to the island later to kill Ben because really, how much of a show is left if we can't see Desmond?

That is about all I felt like needed to be said. We'll see what happens this week!

99%

2009-02-19T07:54:00.001-08:00

The vote is in! Rocky is the new pastor in Sale Creek. 99% was the vote count.

I Went Outside!

2009-02-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

Today me and Kayla (Kayla and I?) decided to lock the doggie in his cage and take a trip to downtown Chattanooga just to hang out. I was thinking we could go to some of those cool shops that you can't find at the mall but we only hit a couple of them.
Kayla is not the best shopper. I look and she follows me. Literally. She follows me around the store without looking at anything for herself. Just follows. Weirdo. I did make her go browse by herself but that only lasted about 3 min. until she decided there was nothing she was interested in. Movin' on...
When we go out just the two of us...and have money...we always eat somewhere we have never eaten before so we can have something different and maybe find a new favorite place to eat in the future. Today we went to 'The Mud Pie'. It was underwhelming. It wasn't bad but it wasn't memorable either. Kinda bland. Thumbs down. Next.
Our plans were to walk across the bridge, we were on the Coolidge park side, and check out the other side of the river but it was getting close to school being out and I wasn't sure if Rocky would get my message to pick up the girls and I really didn't want to get halfway across the river and have to run back across to get to the school in time...so we left.
On the way home we stopped at the LaDean shop to see what kind of prom dresses they had. Ummm, no. Dude, when you have prom dresses with tons of sequins on them you can hang them next to each other without putting them in bags. You wouldn't believe how many dresses were damaged. Bad business. She tried on a couple and decided she wasn't going to the prom..lol.. Don't you love how trying on clothes makes girls want to just go back home, get in their p.j's and forget about going anywhere again...ever? The lady who worked there had her little girl with her. She was pretty hilarious. She kept asking if I wanted a "bar". I had no idea what she was talking about so I said, "no, thanks" Turns out she was selling candy bars. I still didn't want any but she did manage to sell 4 to a nice man who was getting fitted for a tux. After he bought them the little girl proceeded to tell him that his "butt looked big in those pants". Then she told her mom that she wanted to go watch t.v. because "her neck hurts because she has been wearing it all day"
I did manage to get ahold of Rocky and he agreed to pick up the girls so we went back to Chattanooga to finish what we had started. We went to the Hunter Museum and looked at the art stuff. It was pretty cool for the most part. I'm not entirely sure that the old mansion part of the museum is safe though. We went up to the third floor and I'm tellin' ya, those floors did not feel stable. They were creaking and seemed to be sinking when you took a step. I told Kayla that the people on the second floor were probably wondering who those fatties were on the third floor making all that noise. It was fun but like the Aquarium it is one of those places you could go to once a year and that would be plenty.
We got to walk around the Art District. I have decided that the only thing you need to do to be considered artsy is to braid your unbrushed hair into pigtails...throw on a crocheted beanie hat and some pointy glasses and you're in the club. I also saw one girl's entire butt. Not on purpose. I actually gasped because it caught me off guard. She was sitting in one of those outdoor restaurants and her whole butt was hanging out of the back of her pants. Whole butt. Sadly I have become accustomed to seeing crack so that doesn't phase me much anymore but entire butt's should not be shown in public. I don't care if you are an artist. That is ugly.
hmmmm. what else...
We walked down to the Aquarium in search of a Cold Stone Creamery but couldn't find one. I'm pretty sure there is one down there somewhere but it was getting late and I didn't want to be caught 5 miles from my car when the sun started going down so Kayla bought us an ice cream from Ben and Jerry's and we headed home.

Tomorrow I get to stay home and try yet again to get the funk out of my carpet. If it doesn't work I am ripping them up.

That is all.

Lost Theory & Feet

2009-02-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

I just got caught up on LOST and I have a new theory. This one has to do with Desmond and Charlie. If you don't watch this show you should stop your life right now...go to ABC.com and watch every season online until you get caught up. So here's my theory....

After watching the last episode and learning that Desmond's son is named Charlie I started thinking that his son Charlie might be the original Charlie in baby form. Now before you tell me I'm crazy think about it. Daniel, the scientist guy, said in one of the shows that for some reason...and he wasn't sure why...Desmond wasn't affected by all the strangness that was happening which is why Daniel was able to talk to Desmond and tell him to find his mom. Right? So, while Desmond met Charlie on the island and became BFF's with him, until Charlie died, then it is possible that Desmond was in the future at the time without knowing it and was in reality hanging out with his grown son Charlie. I'm just assuming that he named his kid Charlie in memory of his friend Charlie but in the land of Lost that could be a part of the giant circle of confusion.
The only thing that makes me think I might be wrong is that Charlie had an older brother that was in his band and Desmond doesn't have any other children BUT maybe Charlie was adopted and didn't know it because something is going to happen to Desmond and Penny because Penny's dad is a nut job. Confused yet? Me too.

On a totally different note:
I shampooed my carpets a few days ago over and over in the same spot because they were just that gross and it took until today for them to get dry but now my carpet smells like feet!! haha. Why does my carpet smell like feet? Not just my carpet but the whole room smells like feet. Yet another reason why we never have company over. They would be all, "why does this room smell like feet?" and I would be all, "it didn't stink until you got here so maybe you are smelling yourself?!"
I need new floors. Rocky says that I shouldn't shampoo them so much because they shouldn't be wet like that...they could get moldly but I'm thinking you should have seen the water after I shampooed them. We are obviously going to die from gross carpets no matter what I do.

One More

2009-02-08T15:25:00.001-08:00

I couldn't leave out Jade. Here is the link to her new blog. I would also like to say for the record that I am in on way responsible for what is said on these blogs and if it is something bad about me then it is probably not true and they will be grounded forever. :)

http://jades-jade-blog.blogspot.com/

Sup

2009-02-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Jordan started a blog! Maybe she will talk more on her blog than she does in person.

http://supjordan.blogspot.com/

Not My Favorite

2009-02-04T19:49:00.001-08:00

Valentines Day is coming up and I'm not excited. I don't like it. I think it is lame. Flowers are pretty but they are flowers and should not cost $100...they die. Things that die in less than 48 hours should cost no more than $3.99.
Chocolate is yummy but those boxes of Valentines heart shaped boxes full of mixed chocolates are gross. You get 30 pieces of chocolate, eat 5, and have finger holes in the rest (because that is the only way you can tell what they are). If I were a box of mixed chocolate maker I would make boxes with only caramel, almond, plain milk chocolate and crunch. Dark chocolate should be against the law along with unsweet tea.
Going out to eat on a normal day is annoying but on Valentine's Day it is impossible. Why does everyone have to eat steak on Valentine's Day? It is not romantic to have to stand in line for an hour and a half to get food. Since when does, "I love you", translate into a medium well slab of beef with a side of garlic potatoes? You should feed the people you love all year long.
Jewelry is great but I would much rather you save your money and take me on a trip...but not on February 14th because it is cold and I don't like to be cold.
Better yet, bring home a couple of pizzas and a movie. That would be amazing and would cost less than $20.

Preach Sunday And Wednesday And Bury Our Dead

2009-01-31T15:12:00.000-08:00

That is what will be expected of Rocky from our new church in Sale Creek as told to him by Wally. I'm not sure what Wally's last name is but who cares right? People named Wally do not need a last name because their first name is so fun to say! Wally Wally Wally. Ok.

They will be voting on him February 15th I think but they have talked lots and it's pretty much a done deal. It will be bi-vocational but I think that makes me happy because I'm not a huge fan of change. Just ask my wardrobe. This way he can keep working in this new steady job with insurance but still pastor.

We have been up there a couple of times and the people are really nice. We even ate at this one lady's house (I'm pretty sure she has a name but it wasn't "Wally" so I don't remember it...)I'm just gonna tell ya, she knows how to cook food.

It seems far away but it only takes me 30 min. or so to get there and the drive is very easy. Most people drive that far to work every day and I'll only be driving it a couple days a week. Plus, if you subtract the amount of time it takes me to get to my church now...it will only take an additional 20 min to get to the new one. Can you tell I have been trying to rationalize the driving time in my head? Wally.

So there ya go!

Seriously? Nah, just kidding.

2009-01-29T11:35:00.001-08:00

It looks as though we may be attending a new church soon (don't ask me about it on here because I'm feelin' too lazy to explain and have very few details...maybe in another post? K.) Anyway, I have decided this will probably be a good time to start having adult conversations with people...the mature serious all the time kind...instead of the ones I usually have that sound a lot like this one I had with one of my friends at church last night:

My Friend: So Christi, I have been trying to call you all week now but you won't answer your phone and you won't call me back.

Me: Well My Friend, I don't usually have my volume on.

My Friend: Why?

Me: Because I went to a comedy show a couple of months ago and there was this hypnotist there and now every time I hear a phone ring I bark like a dog and shove a banana in my ear.

My Friend: Seriously?

Me: Nah, Just kidding.

My Friend: I left you a voicemail

Me: Don't check those either.

My Friend: Well that is ridiculous. Why have a phone then? I think you need to stop being like that and turn up the volume on your phone.

Me: Well I think you should turn the volume down on your mouth.

My Friend: Fine, I will just come to your house.

Me: You were not invited and I won't answer the door. I'm not even sure I like you.

My Friend: Well I am very sure I do not like you.

Me: Great. Glad we agree.

My Friend: Oops. I'm late for choir practice. Call me tomorrow?

Me: Of Course!

Nonsense right?

I have a hard time transitioning into seriousness so I'm thinking I should just start my conversations with the intention of being completely serious and fight the urge to say things that will make other people ask if I am being serious. I really don't want to scare these poor new people or make them cry or have Rocky come home and say, "there were 138 complaints in the complaint box at church this morning and guess how many of them have your name in the subject line?"
Then I would be all like:

Are you serious?

and he would be all:

(insert face of despair and disappointment)

and I would be all:

I was kidding!

and he would be all:

Christi, you can't be telling people that "The Message" bible was written by the devil. They didn't know you were kidding.

Then I would be all:

I wasn't kidding.

and he would be all:

Seriously?

and then I would say:

Nah, just kidding.

See how complicated that could get?

Sold!

2009-01-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, someone is going to have to come up with better television programming in the morning! I used to wake up, turn on the news and yell at my kids until they got ready for school. Now, since I am going to have to stop watching the news because it makes my head hurt, I am having to channel surf to find something that will keep me from going back to sleep. This morning I discovered that most of my favorite channels show nothing but infomercials before 8 a.m. Since I am a sucker for infomercials and QVC could talk me into buying ANYTHING! (I mean seriously, who buys candy apples through the mail? I know! But they almost had me this past Christmas..you should all be thankful that I broke the hypnosis before I found my purse.) Anyway, if I had any money, this morning I would have totally bought...

This is the AMAZING HAAN. It is a steamer mop that according to the infomercial kills every germ within a 2 mile radius. It could have been purchased (if I would have called within the first 5 min. after the show) for the low low price of $99.99. But wait! Just to make it easier they will break that up into 3 easy to pay installments of $33.33. They are practically giving it away, right?!

And then I would have bought this...

This is the Best of Philosophy skin care which can be found at bestofphilosophy.com..clever eh? They didn't have me at hello on this one. I had to watch it a little longer than the other one just because I'm pretty convinced that most skin care products are the same just some are more expensive. But then they said, "This item was featured as one of Oprah's favorite things a few years ago". Umm, Hello? Oprah loves it! SOLD! Don't get me wrong. I am far from being an Oprah follower. Don't even watch the show. However, this woman has e-ver-y-thi-ng and I'm guessing isn't easily impressed so when she says it is one of her favorite things I pay attention! I bought the flip video for Kayla because it was one of Oprah's favs and I have to tell ya, it is one of my favorite things too! Oh, so it was offered at the introductory price of $29.95 but that is just for the trial sizes.

And lastly, (mostly because it was time to take the kids to school) I would have bought this...

Yeah, Jillian Michaels has teamed up with NordicTrack and they have this new cool treadmill that includes these cool workout cards designed by Jillian to make you cry alot and possibly vomit. I would probably buy anything exercisey she peddled, if I were an exerciser, because she is a beast and shows no mercy. I admire that. This would have only set me back $1599.00 but I'm pretty sure that is without tax and shipping.

Luckily, none of this was an option and it was time to drop the kids off. By the time I got home I was able to settle into my regular programming while I drank a gallon of coffee.

What I Am Not Going To Talk About

2009-01-25T18:15:00.000-08:00

As much as I would like to stop taking my Political Turrets meds and let loose on the new administration, I will not. I refuse to mock or point out the obvious lack of experience Barak has. I will not say that the only CHANGE he has brought to this country thus far is the CHANGE that the lefty loonies paid for when they donated to his campaign. I will not quote him as saying,

"What an opportunity we have to change this country," the Democrat told his senior staff the day after his inauguration. "The American people are really counting on us now. Let's make sure we take advantage of it." And take advantage of it he has!

"On Thursday and Friday, Obama, with an executive pen in his left hand, overruled eight years of Bush administration policies, signing several executive orders on national security and abortion funding."

I will not tell you how thrilled sarcasm intended...IF I was talking about this I am that during this time of financial trouble when people are struggling to pay their bills, have lost their house and/or their job, ...our new president considers sending tax payer dollars overseas to help them kill babies, one of his first and most important priorities.
And while I'm not talking about it I'm wondering how shutting down a prison that is full of terrorists (just to appease people in other countries who hate us) and bringing those terrorists into the United States makes sense. Aren't we supposed to be trying to keep them out?

This is certainly the CHANGE I expected. It isn't looking any different to me. Ok, well maybe he looks better in swim trunks than George W would and his kids are adorable but that is about it. I'm just going to go sit in the corner and HOPE this country is strong enough for the CHANGE. I don't think anyone wants the man to fail. I just want him to hurry up and finish paying back his supporters and get his advisors to tell him how to handle the real important issues.

I am done not talking about this.

Why Aren't You Happy Dancing?

2009-01-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

I just installed a door knob all by myself. YES! I KNOW! It was one of those, "oh forget it, I will just do it myself" moments. Jade's room wouldn't shut all the way and for some reason the dog decided that it looked like a nice place to tinkle when it was too cold outside so it was either get rid of dog....

awwww, that is his scared look...just kidding buddy.

-OR-

install a new door knob which I would have done a long time ago had it occurred to me that we have 3 doorknobs just waiting to be installed. Why do we have a supply of spare doorknobs you ask? Talk to the closet doors that have been sitting on my back porch for 4 years waiting to be put in. My next project. :D

So anyway, I did it all by myself! Without directions because the directions were too confusing and mostly in a foreign language.

Now you can start happy dancing.

I'm Lost

2009-01-21T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm totally pumped that 'Lost' is back. However, I just read an article that says Season 5 will be even more complicated!

I have to watch last season's finale tonight before I start on the new season. Does anyone know what happened to Claire?

A New Era

2009-01-21T10:06:00.001-08:00

I don't know...maybe I'm just that much of a hater. It's not even that I do not like Barak Obama. I have to admire a man who can convince a country full of people that he is capable of leading with no experience. I do hope that his "advisers" have the experience because technically they are the ones calling the shots here but I digress.
I have tried to avoid the news lately because I can't decide whether to laugh or be frightened. Most in the media are acting like they are 3 years old and just got a pony for Christmas. The problem is, you grow up and realize the pony leaves large piles of poo in the yard and smells bad. The fantasy never really lives up to the reality. After catching a little bit of the euphoria from the crowds of people who caught a glimpse of our new Rock Star Prez on the news yesterday this video came to mind and it cracked me up. Tell me this doesn't remind you of the cult-like followers of Obama. Oh, and Obama would be the leopluradon that makes a noise but never really says anything and of course candy mountain represents the illusion he is trying to sell us. Guess I will be Charlie. haha.
Now, I'm going to find a hobby.

Mindy & Lisa

2009-01-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

I was looking around at blogs and found this one that I thought you both might like since you have little girls with long hair.

http://cute2tryhairdos.blogspot.com/

So Anyway...Senior Pictures

2009-01-18T13:12:00.001-08:00

I am going to try and get an order together for Kayla's senior pictures. I want to at least get a good idea of how many children I will have to sell to be able to afford them so if any of the grandparents or great grandparents know what they want, let me know and we'll see if there is any way we can just combine them into one order and get it done.

Let me know!

7

2009-01-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

It was 7 degrees outside this morning when I got up. 7. Do you know how cold that is? I am still not warm.

7 is a lucky number
7 is the name of a scary movie
7 is how many days there are in a week
7 is the balance of my checking account

7 should not be a temperature!

That is all I have to say about that.

You Had Me At Dorito

2009-01-15T08:03:00.000-08:00

I have been really good about not buying junk food lately. One reason of course is to save a little money but the other reason is because I love it a lot and if it is here I will eat it. To keep from being tempted I usually just skip the chip/snack isle all together. It is also pretty expensive (if you get the good stuff). So there you go. Saving money and eating better. Hm.

I walked into the grocery store last night thinking in my mind that I just had to get some tea, coffee, bread and cheese and you'll never guess what they did. There was a giant display of every variety of Doritos you can imagine AND it was buy 1 get 2 free! Buy 1 Get 1 free I could have probably resisted but get 2 free?! Heck no. I'm talking the display was right in front of the door. You had to walk around it to get inside. All that was left was to decide which kind I was getting!
This is where it gets ugly... I got one of those bags with 2 flavors mixed, the Chipotle Ranch and Zesty Taco..mmmmmm. My lack of willpower combined with the addictive crunch of Doritos topped with my love of all things Taco was a disaster waiting to happen and it did. Dude, I ate the whole bag. Yeah. Well, minus maybe 2-3 servings between Jordan/Jade/Ralphie (you have to feed him equal amounts of whatever you eat because he stares at you with those giant eyeballs until you give in). But yeah, the whole bag of Doritos. Shameful. I didn't even bother to eat a sandwich with them to make it appear as though it was a semi meal. And you know that it is a cosmic rule that when you eat something salty you have to wash it down with something chocolate-y. So I also had a nutty bar. ha! Dang. But yeah, that was dinner.
I'm wondering if I could sue Dorito for making a taco flavored chip. They have to know that there are people like me out there who will find that combination irresistible and eat entire bags in one sitting. I'm pretty sure Jillian Michaels would be really unhappy with me right now. I did do that one workout but I'm pretty sure a bag of Doritos and a Nutty Bar cancelled that out pretty quick. Hmmm, but, if you figure that in with the calories I saved by skipping the sandwich and washing it down with a DIET coke then maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all that bad, yes?

Speaking of Nutty Bars, I'm getting pretty tired of all this salmonella stuff getting into my peanut butter. First of all, how the heck does it keep getting in there? Maybe the people who work there had eggs for breakfast and didn't wash their hands afterwards. Maybe it is a terrorist attack on peanut butter loving Americans. I don't know. I just know that by the time I hear about the recalls I have already consumed that peanut butter sandwich or those peanut butter crackers that go really well with my morning coffee. I just think it will really stink if my cause of death is tainted peanut butter. On the other hand it would make for a pretty hilarious tomb stone

Favorite Daughter
Loving Mother
She was killed
by Peanut Butter

The Invisible Post

2009-01-13T20:26:00.000-08:00

The Story Of My Life

2009-01-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

In case you have been wondering what I have been up to since I haven't been posting I thought I would hop on here for a second and catch you up....in book form.

Chapter One: I Thought About Getting Up...Once

I mentioned a little something about not feeling well last week but I never found out what was wrong with me. Mainly because I'm positive that as soon as I finally walk into a Doctors office they will inform me that I have 7 different types of disease and 2 of them are deadly....p.s. you have less than a month to live. Who wants to hear that? Yeah, not me either.
So I wasn't on my death bed but I was feeling pretty lousy. It wasn't a sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I couldn't rest sickness...it was more of a I Just Don't Feel Good And Have No Desire Or Enough Energy To Move From The Bed To The Couch Today So I Will Just Stay In Bed kind of sickness. I'm pretty sure I caught someone's germs from all of the holiday festivities or food poisoning or I ate way too much sugar over the holidays for the not yet discovered diabetes I'm sure that I have (I know you are thinking that I sound like Nikki so I feel like I should point out that we differ in that I do not search for illness nor do I seek out Doctors to confirm my illnesses. I am just sure I have them and that is all. Big Difference) So Anyway, I finally started to regain some energy which leads me into Chapter 2...

Chapter 2: The Really Good Bad Idea

After I finally built up enough energy to make it from the bed to the couch I was flipping through some channels and saw Exercise T.V. Now usually I would just watch and think to myself
these people really have no life...don't they know that if they ever stop exercising all of that muscle will to turn to junk and they will look like everyone else? Who wants to be held captive to that kind of forced program and how much of their life have they wasted just so they can look amazing in case what? In case they are ever naked in public? Or maybe they might be chased by a serial killer and they want to make sure their endurance is high enough to outrun them...or maybe they just want to look cute in their clothes but really, you will be old one day and noone will care how cute you were in your clothes and all that time you spent at the gym could have been spent doing something fun like watching people on t.v. exercise. Just please don't tell me it is because you want to be healthy because I heard on the news that cell phones can give you brain cancer as well as french fries, microwaves and breathing air...
Anyway, on this day I saw Jillian Michaels (?) from the Biggest Loser on there and she has her own 30 min. workout. I was feeling a bit froggy so I decided I would try it out to see how hard it was. Well, I did it. All 30 min. of it. No big deal. That was Monday. I am still walking like a grandma. And Now, I don't feel good again!!! This exercise stuff lowered my immune system and the mystery disease is coming back. Now, not only can I not walk right or raise my arms above my head, I'm tired again. Of course it could also be because of stress...Chapter 3.

Chapter Three: The Heavyset Lawman

Here's where I confess that I am a law breaker. I have not renewed my tags since last year on my birthday. Before you judge me, the economy has been bad and we have just been trying to live with does not include paying a ridiculous amount of money to the woman at the tag office, who always smells like fried chicken, for a STICKER to put over the 20 other stickers on my tag. Call it a form of protest.
So anyway, I have been evading the law for the past 9 months. It is exhausting. Last night I had to stop on my way home from CHURCH to grab a jar of spagetti sauce to use for dinner. That is relevant because had I not stopped I would have gotten home without incident. I made it all the way to the road I turn on and he got me. The stupid stinkin' blue lights came on and I knew I was busted. I didn't get nervous I got mad. I drive like a grandma. I always make complete stops at the stop signs. I slow down on yellow lights. I drive in the slow lane and never go more than 5 miles over the speed limit and yet here I am getting pulled over.
REALLY?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
What is worse, Jordan and Jade were with me. No, that made it hilarious! They have never been pulled over before. I thought Jade was going to have a panic attack. Good Stuff.
Moving on. The cop was some 12 year old heavyset guy who probably has his mother iron his uniform for him in the mornings. I probably could have worked myself into a pitiful mess and told him a sad story and maybe gotten away with a warning but pride set in and I just could not do it.
He was all.."I pulled you over because you have an expired tag"
And I was like, "Oh."
That was it. OH.
What I was thinking was..Really Mr. Heavyset Lawman? Really. You have nothing better to do than pull over mom's in minivans to give them a ticket that will probably cost more than the tag renewal? Are there not any illegal aliens you could be pursuing or does your mom not allow you in those types of neighborhoods? You know, that nice lady that walks up and down in front of the gas station on the Blvd. in her torn fish net stockings and pleather mini skirt is not there to buy gas or a newspaper. Maybe you could go harass her for a while, yes? Oh, no. No, because if you were to look for real criminals you might miss out on all the good stuff like pulling over old ladies because they drive too slow or asking that fellow who hangs out in front of the grocery store to "move along" because he is bothering the customers. I wouldn't want you to break a sweat. You do realize though that if you were to be chased by a serial killer that you are not in good enough shape to outrun him, right? I have the perfect workout for you.
He kinda paused for a second waiting for me to wail like a girl and beg for forgiveness but this kid wasn't getting it from me. My luck he would have let me pitch my fit and still given me a ticket...
I think that there should be a law that having 2 out of 3 required documents to drive should get you off with a warning. I had a license and insurance I was just missing the sticker from the chicken lady.

Well, when I started I was thinking that there were 4 or 5 chapters to this book but my illness is forcing me to return to my bed and be pitiful for the rest of the night. Maybe I will remember what the rest was tomorrow.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous week!

So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

2009-01-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Goodbye 2008! I'm still re-couping from our New Years Eve festivities. We had a lock-in with some of the kids at church. I thought maybe we would get to go to sleep at some point but I was wrong. Not only did we stay up all night/morning but I couldn't go to bed until after I took Kayla to work. If our nights and days weren't already screwed up enough they sure are now! I'm still too tired to think much so I'm just going to post some pictures and maybe a little video to show you what we did...

Second Degree Creepiness

2008-12-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

It was a dark and stormy night... Not really. That is just how most creepy stories start.

I have been sick for the past few days so I haven't really wanted anything to do with the computer but I just had to tell you about this guy, for 2 reasons really

1. Because it is entertaining
2. So there will be some sort of record on file if and when I have to press charges. haha

When my kids play outside they think it is hilarious when one of them comes in first and locks the door so the other one can't get in. Of course then they have to knock and knock until someone notices and opens the door for them.

So, it didn't seem odd when I heard a knock on the door a couple of days ago because they had been playing outside and because it wasn't a normal -knockknockknock- tap that strangers use when they knock on your door...it was more of a -KNoCKknockKnoCKKNOCK- funny knock that people who are familiar with you and your house use. You know what I mean. Just think about it for a second.
Anyway, had it been the regular stranger knock I would have totally looked outside before opening the door and probably not bothered to answer it but since it was a funny knock I thought it was a kid so I opened the door right up. Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I had on my p.j.'s and my hair hadn't even been brushed yet..nevermind that it was 4 p.m....don't judge. I only tell you that because that would have been another reason not to open the door for a stranger.

In true Ralphie fashion, my dog goes nuts when someone knocks on the door so when I opened it he was right there ready to tear someone's face off (or jump up and down in the air like Michael Jordan on crack) After grabbing the dog I look up and there stood a StRaNgEr! Holy Cow! That was unexpected. At first I thought he might be the repo man but they don't knock do they? LOL

Anyway, I was all...ummmm, hi?
And he says, "hehe, Ralphie sure is a good guard dog isn't he?"

Now, at this point I was a little more relieved because who would know my dogs name if they didn't know someone in my family, right? wrong! So of course I was all, "haha, yeah right. Hardly a guard dog" and then he asks if Rocky is home.

So ok...he knows my dogs name and he knows Rocky. Whew. Then Rocky is all..."Grrr, who is that, Grrr." He likes strangers coming over as much as me..and he was playing the XBOX and who likes to be interrupted when they are playing the XBOX? Nobody, that's who! And I was all, "IDK..some guy asking for you." I wasn't worried. Rocky knew this guy, right?

Rocky opens the door and didn't say, "HEY BROTHER!" Like he would have done if he had known the guy so again, StRaNgEr DaNgEr!

Rocky came back in and told me that it was one of the guys who had been working next door at our neighbors house and he wanted to borrow a tool. I know you are thinking, whew! that makes sense. He isn't a crazy stalker. Sure, if you discount the fact that HE KNEW MY DOG'S NAME and didn't use the stranger knock like he should have then o.k. BUT, that was 2 days ago.

This morning I let my dog out to go do his business. Even my dog has manners and uses the correct knock when he is ready to come back inside...so when he started knocking to come in I opened the door right up. I looked outside and WHO WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME AND WAVING? YES! The same creepy dude! He wasn't on my porch this time but I'm not sure that makes it any better. He was next door in my neighbor's carport...staring right at my house...into my door...and waving WAVING! YOU DO NOT KNOW ME MR. CREEPY GUY! And why are you staring at my house? Why are you not working? Are you watching us? I really need to go to the store...but do I need to take my whole family and my dog? I am not very comfortable leaving them at home now, knowing you have nothing better to do than learn my dog's name and stare at my house just in case I open the door so you can wave.

So yeah, I'm totally telling on you. Now you all know what to tell the cops if I go missing. I watch those Lifetime movies. I know that the nice-guy is hardly ever really nice. If it was just dumb luck that you happened to be staring at my house at the same moment I opened the door then my apologies but Mister, that is 2 strikes. 2 times you have creeped me out. Maybe we just live in a time when friendly = creepy. Bad luck for you I guess. One more strike and I will take you out! I just completed Kung Foo Panda on the XBOX and am feeling pretty confident about my new KungFoo skillz. Don't make me use them.

On a lighter note:
We made our rice crispie treats last night. Can you say Delicious? They don't cut into nice little squares too easy though. It's like one giant treat.

That is all.

We Call Him DELICIOUS

2008-12-25T19:38:00.001-08:00

I couldn't leave Ralphie out of the Christmas pictures! I just won't even bother telling you how stinkin' cute he was this morning opening his Christmas present. Of course he has already decapitated his new teddy bear but we didn't expect it to last very long anyway.

Christmas Party At Mom's

2008-12-24T09:07:00.001-08:00

I didn't get as many pictures at this one so someone will have to share with me. I had several versions of the grandkid picture but this one was the best.

Christmas Party At Dad's

2008-12-24T08:49:00.000-08:00

Festive Holiday Creation...Take Two

2008-12-22T19:16:00.000-08:00

After the underwhelming Christmas Cookie incident we decided to try our luck with the Gingerbread House...

It started here

Next, I (yes, me) assembled the house with much care and patience (aside from the almost fit I had when the roof kept sliding off) it looked like this

And finally, after all the candy was stuck on with only a few insults hurled around by the girls (that is ugly, you aren't doing it right, that's a dumb idea, shut up) it ended up looking like this

All in all it was pretty successful. We decided that next year we will have 3 houses and a little competition. The only problem is we can't figure out how to eat it and are not sure we even want to.

Oh, after I took these pictures Kayla used the little gingerbread snowmen to create a snowman crime scene in front of the house. She took a picture. Maybe she will show you.

Zero Cookie Decorating Skillz

2008-12-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

The original plan was to bake and decorate some festive Christmas cookies and take them to the neighbors. That was until the cookies ended up being the size of EZ Bake Oven cookies and we found out that we have zero cookie decorating skillz. Here is what they looked like...

Now you have to keep in mind that these cookies were on a regular sized paper towel. That is just how small they were. We couldn't shame ourselves by delivering these cookies so we ate them. They were pretty good for baby cookies with ugly faces.

For Your Entertainment Pleasure

2008-12-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

Here's a snipet of the Christmas Concert. I only got Jade because Jordan was sitting with her back to me. Figures they would be sitting on opposite sides...My apologies in advance for the grandma shake my hand was doing while filming and to any innocent parties who were not aware that they would be posted on a blog.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Meltdown

2008-12-17T17:33:00.000-08:00

Man, I just got home from church and everyone is so stressed out! Christmas is not suppose to stress you out. Well, right now I'm a little stressed but I plan on being done with all that by Sunday evening and enjoying my Christmas week. I still have to clean my house...wow, I think I just cried. Did I ever tell you how much I hate cleaning my house? And I bought a gingerbread house that the kids are going to assemble but we have to fit it into our schedule first...and we are making Christmas cookies for the neighbors AND I bought the stuff to make rice crispie treats. Sounds like fun, eh?

Sounds like a lot of fun but I don't think I like gingerbread. We are going to be super busy for the next week so I'm not sure when we are going to make all of these treats. But I bought them so I totally get a Good Mom Gold Star for it.

I wonder if what that song says about turkey and mistletoe is true...Everybody knows....a turkey and some mistletoe...help to make the season bright... That song. Yeah, I have never tried it but I guess it is worth a shot. If it doesn't brighten up the season I could just re-gift it for one of my boy/girl gifts.

I'm going to finish my shopping over the next couple of days so if I'm not around that is why. If I do not return by Monday...call 9-1-1 cause it's possible that the scuffle I get into with that grandma in the slipper sock section of Bath and Body took me out and stuffed me in her trunk.

That's Good Stuff

2008-12-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

BAGHDAD - An Iraqui journalist who hurled his shoes at President George W. Bush in a fit of outrage was hit in the head with a rifle butt and had an arm broken in chaotic scenes when he was leapt on by Iraqui security officers, his brother said on Tuesday...

There is more to this story but this part made me laugh out loud. If you don't get it, read it again and picture it. It's quite hilarious. Or maybe I'm just easily amused this morning. In OUR country this guy would not go to jail, would sue the police officers and win millions of dollars...even though he broke the law. I like Iraqui justice better. haha

Detox! Stat!

2008-12-15T05:16:00.000-08:00

Hi. My name is Christi and I'm a Christmas party foodaholic. I didn't think I had a problem. I thought I would be able to stop whenever I wanted to. I was wrong. I....am....an.....addict.

So Christi, what brought you here today?

Well, it all started around Thanksgiving. You know...Yummy delicious food having Thanksgiving? I bought into the lie that it was only once a year and I should indulge myself, over and over and over. You'd think I would have learned my lesson and I did for a week or so. But then came the Christmas parties.

And what happened at these "parties".

There was food. Lots and lots of food. I can't totally blame the Christmas parties. There were also birthday parties and shopping trips that require you to eat out. Just so much food! It is everywhere! And the hosts spend so much of their time cooking, how can I say "no" to the food?

That is a good question. What couldn't you just say no?

It was like, "Hey Christi, would you like some of this delicious cheese dip?"
and me, "Why yes, I would love to do a double back-flip scissor jump round off into your yummy delicious cheese dip."
and then of course you have the main course which, if you get a little of everything, will fill your plate to overflowing. And...AND...being a member of "The Clean Plate Club" I couldn't not finish it all off.

Umm, What is the "Clean Plate Club?"
It's a club where you HAVE to eat everyting on your plate or you will die. Or, at the very least really bad things will happen to you. Don't look for logic here. There is none. It's just a fact.

Then, "Christi, would you like some yummy delicious cheese cake or chocolate cake or red velvet cake or pie or maybe a little of all."
Me, "Of Course!" because anything less would be rude.
I just thought to myself that I would make up for it by sticking to a peanut butter sandwich the next day and calling it even. Which would have probably worked had I not had yet another Christmas party to go to the next night. I'll spare you the details. Just refer back to the first scenario.
Maybe I could have undone some of the damage had I not had to go grocery shopping on Sunday.
How can you go grocery shopping and not come home and eat? Yeah, you can't.

So we are back to why you are here today.

I'm here because I need an intervention!! My jeans are screaming at me. My gut is angry. I can't sleep. I HAVE MORE PARTIES! I WILL EAT AGAIN! What am I going to do?!

Well, for $19.99 (plus shipping and handling) we can sell you our "New Year's Resolution" package that includes the "I'll go on a diet in January and lose 20 pounds by summer" if you are interested.

Does that work?

Not really.

Figures. Nevermind then. Thanks for nothing. I'm gonna go eat a cracker and a piece of lettuce. Hopefully I will even out again before the party on Saturday.

Merry Christmas From My Family To Yours

2008-12-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

THE MOST Hilarious thing I have seen in months!
You will want to scroll down to the bottom of the page to cut the music before playing this. Consider this your Christmas card from my family to yours!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Toomuchtodoitis

2008-12-12T08:43:00.000-08:00

Toomuchtodoitis- pronounced (too much to do itis) is a common illness year round but is especially contagious during the holiday season. This illness is not life threatening unless you are over the age of 35, have a family history, breathe air, eat popcorn or shower daily. Symptoms include but are not limited to:

1. Constant feeling of frustration
2. Knowing there is something you should be doing, buying, accomplishing...but can't for the life of you remember what it is.
3. Eating Doritos for breakfast
4. Walking around your house in circles...talking to yourself.
5. Nervous unproductive energy
6. Spend 30 minutes complaining about something you have to do that would have only taken you 20 minutes to finish.
7. Brain Paralysis. Toomuchtodoitis can cause your brain to shut down completely and make you unable to do anything that requires thought so you sit on the coach and watch the latest "Survivor" episode instead.
8. Eating Ice Cream for lunch
9. Giving your dog the evil eye because he gets to lay around and do nothing.
10. Making an 'exit strategy' list so you will be prepared with a good excuse as to why you have to leave that Christmas party that you feel obligated to go to but have one million hundred other more important things that need to be done. (Hush family, I'm not talking about your parties.)
11. Blogging when there are at least 3 other things that should be finished...FINISHED, not started, in the next 2 hours.

If you have any of these symptoms you should not call your doctor because that is not on your list of things to do today and he will probably want to see you and you definetley do not have time for that. Instead, you should just suck it up...quit complaining and DO IT. Seriously Christi, get off the computer and DO IT. Now. Go.

Oh Noes! Another Teenager In The House

2008-12-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

Jordan is officially a teenager today! Happy Birthday Jordan!

Let's Talk

2008-12-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

I'm having a very rushed and stressful day and when this happens I tend to talk to myself a little more than usual. In an effort to clear my mind I thought it might be therapeutic to have this discussion here and be done with it.

First I would like to address my eyebrows:

Eyebrows, really? How do you grow so fast? I cannot keep up this kind of maintenance. I am really thinking about doing away with you all together if you can't control yourself better than this. Is that really want you want? Think about that before you answer. If anyone has a reason to rebel it is my legs. Hold on now stems...I was bragging on you. That was not an open invitation for you to complain. It's winter. Consider yourself in hibernation.

Face, you are ridiculous. How old do I have to be before you stop breaking out like a 14 year old? Yes, you could get more attention but if you think you are too good for soap and water you can get over yourself. I don't have time for these diva issues. Just relax. I'm sorry you are getting older but reverting back to your teenage years just makes you look silly. Grow up.

Coffee, my true love. You are killing me. I love you, you know this but you are wrecking my pearly whites. We are going to have to strike some sort of compromise. When all I want for Christmas is Crest White Strips something is wrong. Awww, come on now. Don't look at me like that. I know it is not fair to start putting conditions on our friendship after all of these years of being BFF's. I know were it not for you I would be in a coma. You know what, never mind. You are forgiven. Pretend we didn't have this conversation.

Dear RMS coaches, yes, I will have to pick Jordan up from practice early today because I have to go to a sports banquet tonight (that I totally forgot about hence my mental breakdown). Let me forewarn you though. If you put my kid on the bench for the entire game on Friday because of my issues...I will make you cry...a lot. I am still trying to forgive you for making her sit on the bench for the entire game last night because she was sick and missed the last one. You have no idea how close I came. You are lucky I love Jesus. That is all.

and lastly I would like to address my entire wardrobe....

Look, I know you are tired. I know that I have kept you through 3 cycles of being in style, out, in, out...but you have to come through for me again. I do not know what I am going to wear. I'm sure whichever one of you I choose you will want to pitch a fit and rent yourself in half but I beg you...hang in there. One day I will let you retire or you will die, whichever comes first.

Now, don't we all feel better?! Good talk guys. Now let's get back to work!

Most Excellent!

2008-12-06T08:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a good day. Don't get too excited because it probably won't mean much to you but I thought I would share anyway.

A couple of posts ago I expressed my thoughts in hoping that Corinne was voted off of Survivor. Well, I missed the original airing on Thursday but was able to catch it on Friday. I won't lie. I was looking a pretty bad for my buddy Matty (even though he is not my favorite he is in my top 2) and I was getting nervous but in the end, after all the lies and scheming by Bob and Corinne...Corinne was sent packing! Yes! Go ahead. It's o.k. You can do the happy dance. Do It. I'll wait.

Also,

We have had this gift card for Outback for a few months and last night Rocky decided he wanted to use it. I didn't tell him that I had already eaten enough at dad's birthday dinner to last me for the rest of the weekend because I didn't want to hurt his feelings...so we went.
If you have ever stood by a door and waited to be seated for almost an hour you know how unfun that is. The greeter said, "30-40 mins." which was pretty bad but we ended up waiting more like 50 mins. which in Outback time is really no big deal. What is Most Excellent about this experience is that since they made us wait a little longer than promised, the manager gave us a free appetizer! FREE. In Outback money that is the price of a small goat for a starving family in Uganda. On top of that they were really putting on the customer service show. I had 2 refills sitting on my table and had only half finished my first Diet Coke. The manager even offered a free cold brew. haha. No Thanks. But I'm sure that would have made a drunkard pretty happy, yes? And, they doubled the size of the ribs Rocky ordered. He couldn't eat them all and I couldn't finish my sandwich because of the giant plate of FREE cheese fries we ate. So we took the rest of it home...asked for a take home container and the waiter brought us 3 containers a free loaf of bread and a cool Outback bag to tote it all in. Yes, we were special because I saw lots of people taking their leftovers out without the cool bag.
Amazing Right?! I thought you would think so. That is why I am sharing. Rocky kept watching the time and the door to see when the perfect time would be to go to Outback in the future (if someone gives us a gift card) but I'm thinking I would rather wait that extra 10 min. and get great service and free stuff!

Come Baaaaack!!

2008-12-05T07:32:00.000-08:00

I MISSED THE GARBAGE MAN 2 WEEKS IN A ROW!! How is this possible? It is not a man job to take the garbage to the road? 2 weeks now I have left this man job for the man and 2 weeks now the garbage man has passed without picking up my trash because the trash is still sitting in my trash can IN THE YARD.

Now I will be the first to say to my kids, "hush up...eat your poptart for dinner..there are kids in China who only wish they had poptarts." But come on! This is the worse! You can't miss the garbage man who only comes once a week! It is December. The month of extra trash. You miss a week you can't catch up! I fill that can up to the top every single week and now I have 2 weeks worth of backup. man o man o man o man....I need a nap.

I Have Gas!

2008-12-04T06:23:00.000-08:00

I love that title. I couldn't help myself.

I filled up my tank for $25.00! Who would have thought a few months ago that gas would be back around the $1.50 zone?! I'm loving it. Truly. I just want to drive around for no reason because I can. Well, not really. I hate to drive around for no reason. I hate driving around when I have a reason. But...IF I did like it then it would be great. I do have that 'too good to be true' feeling though. It makes me want to keep topping off my tank because when gas starts to go back up I will be sad again.
I think it dropped so much because I finally broke down and bought 2 of those energy saving light bulbs. Granted they were buy one get one free but still. I'm convinced that my efforts to save the planet has caused some sort of 'pay it forward' moment in the cosmos and the planet is thanking me.

Monkey In The Middle...On Strike

2008-12-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

I did my best to wrangle up a Christmas get together date but it fell through so I'm passing the baton to someone else....

I am NOT available on the 12th or 13th or 18th (Christmas Concert)or 20th(Dad's party)

Jordan has basketball games on Tuesdays and Fridays but they are over by 5:30 so it shouldn't be a big deal

I personally do not care if we do it on a weekday but I only speak for myself. Everyone else will have to chime in on their own behalf.

Let's not put this off any longer than we have to or else it will be stressful and not fun. Focus people. If you work...check your calendar and just Say When.

Christmas Concert 2009

2008-12-03T17:56:00.001-08:00

Jordan and Jade will be playing in the Christmas Concert on December 18 @ 7:00 p.m. at the Middle School.

You are all invited.

In The News...

2008-12-03T06:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't watched the news much since the election because it is just too depressing but I did watch this morning because I had to see who won the run-off election yesterday in Georgia.
In case you didn't know or care, Saxby Chambliss won the run-off for state senate. This is why I love GA. We love our Republicans. I did vote because I'm a responsible citizen that way. What I didn't know is that there were 4 seperate run-off's in GA. Don't you hate voting for people you have never heard of? There were 2 seperate slots for judges and since they are suppose to be non-partisan it didn't give me any hints as to who was the guy for me so I made my decision based on the most scientific process available....I picked the guy with the most clever sign. Some guy named Brian House had all his signs made up in the shape of a house and I thought, "that's pretty clever". So I voted for him. I'm kinda thinking now that maybe he was not the right guy but if not, I blame the guy with the boring signs.

In other news...

I just heard this morning about the shooting at Toys R Us in California on Black Friday. 2 men are dead. What toy was that important people? From what I gather 2 women were fighting over something and their husbands (who were for some reason armed) jumped in a shot each other. I think the kids would have rather had their dad's for Christmas than that set of jumbo legos for $19.99. Not to mention the poor guy who was trampled at a Walmart by people trying to get to the cheap t.v.'s

What is wrong with people?!

Look, I want my kids to have a nice Christmas just like everyone else but not at the expense of others. If my kids can't get that high dollar item or if they only get a sweater and a box of goldfish, they should be thankful. If they are not then lack of money is the least of my worries. Wow, I just had a vision of what would happen if my kids only got a sweater and a box of goldfish for Christmas...shudder. We are fortunate and they usually get what they want (within reason)or need but I'm thinking this year we really need to have a sit down and remind each other why we even celebrate Christmas. I don't want my kids to grow up and be these crazy adults who feel like they have to shoot or trample their way to get to that *one thing* their kids have to have. It's madness. If I had it to do all over again I would have only gotten my kids 3 gifts a year for Christmas. It's too much pressure on parents to try and go bigger and better than the year before. Especially when they are struggling to pay their bills as it is. It's just sad. People shouldn't die over doorbusters.

That is all.

What Coffee and Tylenol PM Do Not Do

2008-12-02T06:45:00.000-08:00

They do not cancel each other out. The coffee wins. For some reason I can drink coffee all day long and go right to sleep if I decide to take a nap but if I drink coffee after 9 p.m. it really works like coffee should work and keeps me from sleeping.
Last night I decided to counter the coffee with a dose of Tylenol PM. Ha! What now Folgers?! Did not work. I tossed and turned until about 2 a.m. So I was laying in bed and this is what my mind was thinking...

*Am I laying crooked? Because if I am laying crooked and I do finally get to sleep then the hubby will wake me up when he comes in here and make me move over, waking me up and then I won't be able to go back to sleep.

*All da girls standing in da line for da bathroom.

*Cyber Monday? I didn't get it. All I saw was an offer for free shipping. I can shop at the store and not have to pay for shipping.

*Basketball pictures Thursday...don't forget. Oh man, I meant to write something else down for Monday but didn't because I didn't think I would forget...what was it?

*I forgot to wash my face

*Where is the dog? Hope I didn't leave him outside.

*All da girls standing in da line for da bathroom.

*I hope Corinne gets voted out on Survivor this week.

*If I bought a big scarf for a Christmas gift would someone really wear it or would it be re-gifted...

*I wonder what would happen if the government just pardoned everyone's debt and let us all keep our stuff and start over. That would be great.

*All da girls...UGH! SHHHHHH.

*Not going to take Tylenol PM with coffee anymore.

Oh Yeah, That's Why

2008-12-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

Every year I get sooo excited about the yummy food that is served at Thanksgiving and every year I ask myself, "Why don't we cook this yummy food all year long?!! It's the most yummy food on the planet and we wait until Thanksgiving to cook it..it just doesn't make sense."

And then Thanksgiving comes and I eat yummy food for Thanksgiving and the same yummy food leftovers for lunch the next day and then yummy Thanksgiving food from my mother in laws for dinner and then yummy leftover leftovers for lunch the next day..and then my kids decide we should cook yummy Thanksgiving food on Saturday for ourselves and so we do and we eat yummy food on Saturday and finish off the yummy food after church on Sunday.

If I have to eat one more plate of yummy Thanksgiving food before Thanksgiving next year I will cry and barf.

That is why we only have yummy Thanksgiving food once a year.

Yo Martha

2008-11-29T20:52:00.000-08:00

It's the year of the Chinese Christmas. I have 3 parties (and counting) that I have to find a man and woman gift $25 or less. This sounds like a great idea until you have to start shopping for it. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a nose for perfume or any fashion sense but what I think smells o.k. really stinks and I still wear the same clothes I bought 5 years ago. I don't know what a cute purse looks like. The one I carry is hanging on by a thread. Partly because it is so old that I don't even remember when or where I got it and partly because my dog chewed on the strap and it's hanging on by a thread but I don't care for I think purses are just another something I have to keep up with.

I could go with the standard candle, picture frame or warm cozy blanket but that isn't a ton of fun.

So, I'm searching for ideas. I need someone with Martha Stewart Super Hero Powers to come to my rescue and share some cool ideas with me.

Hmmm

2008-11-29T15:43:00.000-08:00

Would this be an inappropriate gift for a lady at our annual Christmas Deacon Dinner? Shouldn't everyone own a belly dancer coin wrap?

Black Friday Haze

2008-11-29T11:55:00.000-08:00

It's all a blur. I guess I should recap Thanksgiving since I didn't even mention it. I was going to take some fabulous pictures of the get together but my kid stole the batteries out of my camera. In short, the food was great...Sandy's hair is really long...Kayla pulled out into traffic and cut someone off and Toby almost wet himself (don't ask me again why my kid doesn't have her license yet ;) Football, Pumpkin Pie, Heath is tubby, filling your plate to overflowing always seems like a good idea at the time...grandmother...and mom deleted her blog? whew.

So, I woke up early on Thanksgiving because I knew that I needed to go to bed early for Black Friday Shopping! The problem: we didn't get home until after 10 p.m. and I wasn't sleepy. Talked to Casey and we decided we would leave my house at 3:30 A.M. We made this decision around 11:30 p.m. Do the math people. That is not enough sleep even if we had been in bed 3 hours earlier.

Now, at 3:30 in the morning, pulling your hair in a ponytail, wearing little to no make-up and dressing like a bum seems reasonable. Who dresses up at 3:30 in the morning? exactly. The problem arises around 8 a.m. when the people who waited a little longer and spent more time making themselves presentable start to show up. I'm not saying they were judging me but I was more than a little relieved when I saw others like me who were roaming around in their pre-4 a.m. fashions.

If you add all that together: very little sleep, no makeup, bad clothes and being old...come 11 a.m. or so it all starts to melt together and you don't have to look in the mirror to know what you look like. I do not do well without my sleep. I could feel the skin sliding off my face. I knew that I was starting to zone out while standing in those long lines and my jaw was starting to sag, my eyes were closing and I was hoping that I wasn't drooling but at that point didn't really care. Casey of course was still looking great with her 20 something year old self. Whatever.

I did get some great deals.

There is just something about not getting enough sleep that makes you sleepy/tired but unable to sleep. I walked around in a daze for the rest of the day yesterday. It was fun though. Fun in that I saved some money kinda way.

I do need to give a shout out to my new friend John at Walmart. He went above and beyond the call of duty and made sure I got something for free. Good job John. There may be a Christmas card in your future.

Turn It Up!

2008-11-20T22:01:00.000-08:00

I have added a medley of fabulous Christmas tunes to this blog so turn up your volume and you're welcome.

Did You Hear That?

2008-11-20T10:29:00.000-08:00

That loud groaning wailing panicing noise of sheer helplessness, fear, and distress that just broke the sound barrier was me...a mom...who just found out that instead of the customary 3 day Thanksgiving break from school, her kids will be home for the entire week of Thanksgiving. THE ENTIRE WEEK?! What happened to advance notice? Shouldn't parents get to vote on this stuff? Yes, I know you sent home a calendar at the beginning of the school year but who really reads it?

Now I love the idea of sleeping late...it's the getting up and finding something for 3 bored kids to do to pass the time that is not my favorite.

I'm bored
I'm hungry
Can we go somewhere
I don't want to clean
She isn't cleaning as much as me
I had t.v. first
It's too cold to play outside
I'm bored
Can we go to the mall
Can we go to the park
I'm bored
I said it was my turn to use the computer next
Shut up, no, you shut up, no you shut up
WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP
I'm bored
Why do we have to go to bed...there is no school tomorrow...and it's only 6:00
There is nothing to do

Did you hear that? It was me again.

You Know You Watch Too Much CSI When...

2008-11-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

You see a shoe in the middle of the road and think:

Maybe I should go back and make sure someone hasn't been hit by a car and is lying in the ditch waiting to be rescued

You spit your gum out the window and think:

I sure hope that doesn't end up being some kind of crime scene. They will find my gum and I will be a prime suspect!

You are cooking dinner and pour blood from the meat down the sink and think:

If I disappear today they will find that blood and think I was murdered. But then they will take it to the lab and figure out it is just bovine blood.

Yes, I have really thought all of these things. :D

The Traveling Pants

2008-11-19T10:27:00.000-08:00

First of all I would like to say that if you have 3 kids a dog and a husband it is probably not the best idea in the world to have your kids do their own laundry. Why you ask? Well, the amount of laundry that flows through this house is enormous and kids who are only willing to wash what they wear the next day do not get very much accomplished...leaving piles of unwashed and neglected/rejected laundry lying everywhere...waiting.

So, in an effort to regain some sort of control over the mess that is threatening to bury my dog alive, I have been trying to get laundry done today.

Now...a few posts back I mentioned the khaki pant crusade. We are past that but we still have the old pants that were too small. Well, every time I have done laundry for the past month, these too small khaki pants have been in the laundry pile. I have washed them and put them back up and I have just hung them back up and stuck them in the closet (because I know that noone has worn them). So I'm starting on my laundry again today and what is in the pile? Yeah, those crazy khaki pants! What is going on? I keep putting them up and they keep reappearing in the laundry. Are my kids messing with me? Are the pants haunted?

I think I will probably give them away since they were barely worn but should I give someone a pair of haunted pants? Will I be under the "full disclosure" law and have to attach a warning to the pants for the next owner...just so they will know that the pants can and will walk themselves back into the laundry pile when you aren't looking? I could burn them and just rid the world of the scariness of it all but then what if I find them in the laundry again the next day...like 'Christine' the scary car movie that fixed itself everytime someone tried to destroy it. I just don't think I could handle that much creepy.

Or maybe, I'm just imagining it all because my brain is rejecting the idea of cleaning.

Round One

2008-11-15T07:56:00.000-08:00

Ridgeland Panthers defeat the Atlanta-Carver Panthers in round one of the State Playoffs! The scoreboard says that there are still a few minutes left but the score didn't change and it was starting to rain and making me freeze so we started walking. The game was very good but the half time show was so much fun to watch! I could have gotten more of the show but I just had my regular camera and my memory card isn't really big and I had HAD Ridgeland coming in at the beginning of the game but I accidentally erased it. :( You'll just have to use your imagination or watch Drum Line...

From The Stands...

2008-11-15T07:46:00.000-08:00

Sports bring out the obnoxious in parents...it is a sickness. You can try to be different and composed but eventually you will give in and spend a full hour of your life screaming at 12-14 year old kids like they can A.) hear you or B.) care

A sampling of what could be heard from the stands...from me...at Jordan's game yesterday...

HUSTLE LADIES!
WHERE IS THE COVERAGE?!
WHY CAN'T YOU SHOOT LAYUPS?!
TURN AROUND!
TAKE THE BALL AWAY FROM HER!
MAKE HER FOUL YOU! (aimed at the only really good player on the other team who had 4 fouls on her and one more would have put her on the bench :) )
TAKE IT ALL THE WAY IN! DON'T STOP AT THE 3 POINT LINE!
OH MI GOSH!! UGH!!

I would say that isn't so bad seeing as how it is too loud to hear much of anything since everyone is screaming at once...but I did hear from behind me...

PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!

I think that was coming from another kid though, not a parent. I think.

Bailout Fatigue

2008-11-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you but I'm getting pretty tired of all this money being thrown around. Now they want to bail out the auto makers? Umm, GM was going under before the melt-down so why exactly does the government feel like they should give them a loan? I understand the job loss and such but if they can't make money then how is throwing more money at them going to help?

I'm also annoyed because AIG has set aside 6 million dollars for employee bonuses! And they were supposed to list where all this money was going and have yet to do so. And the banks that have been given money so far are just sitting on it. And NOW they are saying that instead of putting money in into housing they are going to give more money to the banks to stimulate loans. Hello? Who has enough credit left to get a loan? If you still have that credit then you don't need a stinkin' loan. Keeping in mind that it is not the governments money they are giving away...it's tax payer money. Where does it end? We already have different States wanting money from the government because of their own financial issues.

This bailout was a really really bad idea.

Hot Off The Presses!

2008-11-12T10:20:00.001-08:00

Jordan wants these shoes for her birthday and I found them here:

http://www.shoeshow.com/Mountain-Creek-Wallabee-P11692C5.aspx?imgbase=748148

Do any of the grandparents want to buy them for her? :D

Why Is These Fries Cold?

2008-11-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

I was running late to Mamaw's yesterday so I had to stop and pick her up a corn dog and fries at Krystal. It was really a shame that I couldn't stay longer because she was Hilarious!

Mamaw: (after eating her corndog) Why is these fries cold?
Me: Well they weren't cold when I bought them...maybe you just waited too long to eat them!
Mamaw: No, I think you just didn't cook them long enough.
Me: Well, I was in a rush and ended up having to take the dog with me to run my errands because he wouldn't come in the house....I just went through the drive thru to get your lunch...next time I will tell them to make sure the fries are good and hot. Do you want me to heat them up?
Mamaw: NO! You'll heat my whole plate up!
Me: No, I can put them on a napkin and heat them up.
Mamaw: Awww, you're silly. (Eats all but about 5 fries) Here, you can have the rest of 'em.
Me: Gee, thanks Mamaw. I don't want your cold fries!
Mamaw: heeheeheehee...well, you should have cooked them longer then!
Me: I didn't...nevermind.
Mamaw: (look of concern on her face) You didn't let the dog eat out of my food did you?
Me: Uh, NO!
Mamaw: I bet you did! Why else would you be laughing so?
Me: Umm, I didn't and because you are being hilarious!
Mamaw: Heeheehee...You did.
Me: I don't let animals eat my people food. That is gross. That is why I don't have cats...they climb on the counters and stick their faces in your food.
Mamaw: Shoo Weee! I don't want any cats! You're mama sure likes 'em though.
Me: Sandy has about 12 cats!
Mamaw: Woooo Weeee! What does a body do with that many cats?
Me: I don't know. I think one of her cats had kittens and they couldn't bare to get rid of them so they had them all fixed and kept them.
Mamaw: WooooWeeee! That is a lot of fixin'!
Me: Yeah, I know! They have a ton of chickens too.
Mamaw: Did they fix them?
Me: haha..I don't think you can fix a chicken can you?
Mamaw: Sure you can. You wring their heads off!
Me: ROTFLMBO!! I guess that would fix just about anything!
Mamaw: My mom used to do that. Just grab them by the neck...twist it around like this (showing movements) a few times and their heads pop clean off!
Me: So, do chickens really run around after you pop their heads off?
Mamaw: Whaaat? I never seen one do that.
Me: Well, people say they "run around like a chicken with their head cut off" I was just wondering if that was true.
Mamaw: Well, not after my mama wrung their necks they weren't runnin' around.

That is all I can remember.

I Wanna Be Like Mike

2008-11-11T10:12:00.000-08:00

Yay! I got the video to work! I have other segments of this game but don't want to push my luck. Yes, in case you didn't know...Jordan is multi-talented. She can be a band geek / basketball player. They cancel each other out. They lost this game and if you add an hour to this running back and forth with noone scoring you have basically seen the entire game.

Christmas Concert

2008-11-11T09:52:00.000-08:00

This was from the 6th Grade Christmas Concert last year. This year Jade will be in it also in case some of you would like to come. It's pretty entertaining watching these kids play and hearing 'squeeeaakk' when they hit a wrong note.

Guilty Pleasures

2008-11-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

I used to stay at home from 12-4 every single day because I didn't want to miss one single second of my Soap Operas. Totally over it. Have been for quite a while. Don't even care anymore who's pregnant with who's dead ex-husbands baby who will show up un-dead right when she is fixing to marry the man of her dreams.

But...

I have 2 new shows that are even better and considered 'can't miss'

Show #1 - The Amazing Race

Amazing is quite accurate! I love this show! I love watching people get mad at each other and fight over airline tickets and plot/scheme/lie to each other. It's Great! It saddens me that I could never be on this show..even though I think I could do it. It's just a fact of life that Rocky is way too high strung to be in a competition..with me..the 'have to nap every 6 hours' girl. And since there are so many maps you have to follow we would probably end up punching each other in the face since he won't ask directions and I always pick the wrong way...Seriously, I can have 2 choices, left or right, and always pick the wrong one. And if I try to out-smart myself and choose the way I think is 'wrong' just to get it right...I'm still wrong. It's useless. I have been on the fence as to who I am rooting for up until now but I think I have chosen this couple:

They are nice to everyone

So there's that one...

#2 - Survivor

Now I know that there can be some vile people on this show and they walk around in their underwear a lot but I can't help but love it. I just cheer for the good guys! It's almost down to the wire and there are some really really bad players this year. All the bad players are voting out all the good players first! It's crazy! My favorites are Matty and Sugar. Yes, Sugar. She is a pin up model or something..haha But she is really nice and not nasty so don't hate. Matty has crazy hair and competes well.

Those are my favorite shows. That and all flavors of CSI, Law and Order, and that new show The Mentalist. Lisa also has me hooked on Lost but it hasn't started again yet.

Now you can all rest better knowing what I watch on t.v.

I Just Want To Bang On The Drum All Day

2008-11-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

Do you ever go to bed thinking, "Tomorrow, tomorrow I am really really gonna get some stuff done" and then you get up and think, "It can wait until tomorrow." Of course you do. I know who reads this blog.

I think I have decided to let my kids wash their own clothes. I'm over them going to bed talking about how they "don't have anything clean" when I spend most of my life trying to make sure they have clean clothes and it's not my fault that they leave their dirty clothes piled up in their bedroom like I'm going to collect it while cleaning their rooms and making their food. Does anyone know me? Do they not realize that I had to figure out how to mop a floor and wash clothes after I got married and how I washed dishes ONE TIME when I was a kid because I was being punished? My point being...I DON'T LIKE TO CLEAN EITHER! Yes, we are all slobs but I feel like I can be a slob because I am the one who will eventually clean. They, on the other hand, are slobs who do not clean. I win.

And my van. I drive the van. Therefore I have very little opportunity to make a mess in there because I'm busy keeping her on the road. So how then does my van look like it threw up 2 months worth of garbage? Why is there laundry in my van? Hello? Why is there popcorn on my dashboard? And why oh why are all the pennies in my change tray stuck together into one big change blob? What exactly made the sticky? Oh if I could only read the minds of the teachers who open the door to let my kids in after school.

I have seen those "clean house" shows. I have seen those people cringe and mock vomit over way less than what my house looks like. It's not for lack of trying and if it makes you feel better it's mostly new nasty since I do spend most of my life cleaning in circles to no avail. I have openly admited that were I to walk into a house that looks like mine usually looks, I would not let my kids spend the night there. Shameful? I don't know. Talk to the non-cleaning slobs because I'm feelin' pretty guilt free about the whole thing.

Now back to my 'do your own laundry' reservations. I'm just wondering who has to sort out the clothes and how much laundry detergent I'm going to have to buy before they realize that you don't have to put a full cap into a load with 2 pairs of jeans. It's a headache either way. I have heard from many parents that their kids do their own laundry so it must not be child abuse. Are we going to have to make a laundry schedule? Why is my head already hurting? No. I have made up my mind. Operation 'Do Your Own Stinkin' Laundry' is about to launch. Lord give me strength. It's fixin' to get ugly in the Bradford Crib.

Too bad I have a short attention span and will probably call off 'Operation Do Your Own Stinkin' Laundry' in a week or so because it's easier to just do it and get it over with. Don't Judge. And Don't tell my kids that I am planning an exit strategy before I even begin. Terrorists DO NOT need to know your exit strategy (O*cough*Bama)

That is all.

Deliciously Disgusting

2008-11-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

I just ate my weight in peanut M & M's. My dog even looked at me like he was ashamed of me and sometimes he eats his own poo. <----that was nasty eh? haha

My intention was to show you a video of Jordan playing basketball tonight but it wasn't working and I got over it. We lost. But the score was 3-4 and it wasn't because both teams were amazing at defense...:/

Khaki Schmaki

2008-11-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

Just an update:

I went to Old Navy and they didn't have her size.

So I came back home...waited for her to get out of BB practice and went back to the mall. Just so happens...Santa Claus came to town at the mall today so what was already a crowded area was aggrivated by swarms of toddlers waiting to see the jolly fat man.
Ended up going to American Eagle who had khaki's but they were $24.99 so we checked Aeropostle and they had left over school uniform khaki's on sale for $14.99 and I was super excited until I found out it was just the left over sizes...in which, they had a size 1/2 but in 'short' only.
So we got the American Eagle pants. I didn't see them any cheaper at Walmart and I didn't have time to order online. Also, I'm out of gas again and Jordan was grumpy. Finding them 5 dollars cheaper just didn't seem worth it. :D
Oh, and the kicker...picked up Jade from school and told her we couldn't go to the library because I had to get Jordan's khaki's and she said, "Oh, I need some for band"
Curses!! I would order hers online but she needs odd sizes too. So, as soon as I get the pen I just shoved into my eyeball healed up...I will be going back to the mall.

Kayla's Blog

2008-11-06T18:14:00.000-08:00

http://kayla-blahblahblog.blogspot.com/

Sufferin' Sucatash

2008-11-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

RMS Basketball Coaches:

Dear Mrs. Bradford,

We are very pleased that your child made the RMS Basketball team! We are looking forward to a great year. Now what we need from you is to buy your child a pair of khaki pants in the winter when no one sales khaki pants unless they are on the clearance rack and are capri's or size one million and have them by this Friday since 3 days notice is perfectly reasonable. We realize that your child is an abnormally tall and thin girl who winces at the thought of a pair of pants that rise above her ankles when she sits down and is too small for a size 2 but too tall for a size 1 and too short for a size 1/tall without stepping all over her brand new khaki's and soiling them beyond repair.
The good news is, Walmart carries khaki pants and they are only $12 what we failed to mention is that this is in the kids department and a child your age probably...no, more than likely...can no longer wear these sizes but hey, it sounds nice, yes? Now, Mrs. Bradford, what you have to do is drive all around the country since we gave you zero time to order something online and use all your gas making whatever you might happen to find cost an extra $10 to put more gas in your tank and if you don't your child will not only not match the rest of the team but will also be humiliated and have to wear her old, too short, size 0 khaki pants that no longer fit her. And, as an added bonus, we will keep your kid in basketball practice until 5:30 every day this week to make sure you will have to fight the after work crowds no matter where you go.

Congratulations!
RMS Coaches

Dear RMS Coaches,

How about you just shoot me in the face and we will call it even?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Bradford

Baby Got Back

2008-11-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

I have to say that I just cannot wait until the low low low rise jeans are out of fashion. I was at church tonight and saw 1 crack, 2 Hanes waistbands and 4 kids continuously checking to make sure their backside was covered when they sat down.

If you can't kneel down at the alter to pray without mooning the crowd...your pants are too low.
If you can't get out of a car without mooning your mom...your pants are too low.
If you can't sit in a chair without having to hang your jacket on the back to keep from showing your underwear or booty...your pants are too low.

I can't totally blame the consumer. I have a really hard time finding pants for my kids that are high enough. They fit well when you are standing in front of the dressing room mirror but after wearing those puppies for a couple of hours...they start to stretch and I really don't care who you are...that is not a flattering look.

Speaking of pants. If anyone can give me any ideas of where I can find a size 2 khaki pant for Jordan without paying out the nose I would appreciate it. She has to have some for basketball. I guess they are wearing khaki's and team shirts when they play out of town, which I respect because at least they are trying to make the kids look nice but they obviously have never had to shop for a kid that is too tall for kids sizes and too skinny for adult sizes.

Time

2008-11-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

Who was the genius that decided our days needed to be measured out in time? I think I could be more productive if there were no clocks. Of course we need our day and night...that isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about having to go to bed at a certain time because I have to get up early in the morning. I work better at night! But then, I stay up late...can't get up...finally get up but am very sleepy so I take a nap...stay up late...can't get up...etc. etc. You get the point.

What if we could just say, 'you have to work 8 hours today...don't care when...just get your 8' and do the same thing with school and appointments. Everything open 24 hours..walk in only.

I just think that would be amazing.

I would sleep from 6 a.m. - 3 p.m. because nothing good is on t.v. and there is nothing to do. Keeping in mind that in my world you can go to the bank and the doctor or work or whatever..whenever you felt like it so sleeping til 3 would be totally fine.

Anyway, time for my nap. :))

State of the Union

2008-11-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

Statement made tonight by a teenager...

I can't wait to get home and watch the election!
Obama...Obama...Obama...(hands clapping)
If he wins, we will get EVERYTHING FREE!

And there we are.

Congrats my fellow Americans. You have elected one Barak Obama for your President. Now get in line and get your free stuff.

Ode To George

2008-11-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

Georgie Porgie Puddin' Pie
You always made the Democrats cry
When you took office...tragedy struck
You showed the world that Texans had guts

They didn't find the WMD's
But you did hunt down and destroy some sand fleas
You were patient when the protesters wailed
I would have made them take showers and put them in jail

You choked on a pretzel and people made fun
You fell off your mountain bike, you should probably just run
It cracks me up when you get tickled
I like to see your shoulders wiggle

Hollywood seems to think you're dumb
Which only leaves me thinking, ummmm
Shut up and entertain me nitwit
You shouldn't speak unless you're reading a script.

I have watched you age in the past 8 years
I'm sure you're probably tired
But if McCain gets elected you can rest
Sarah Palin can see Russia from her yard

Farewell my friend
You will be missed
If Obama wins
We'll be communists
But just to leave it on a happy note
Yee-Haw, happy trails, and don't forget to vote!!

Lifetime Movie Network For Women

2008-11-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I get hyper-obsessed with something until I get over it and I find something else to obsess over. Lately it has been HGTV, The Food Channel and The Vacation channel. Well, I'm over it. So...I have been searching for something new. I like the old movie channel unless it is a war movie or a western. Since that is what was showing this morning I decided to switch over to the Lifetime Movie Network for Women. I'm perplexed.

What makes this channel for women? Here's a sampling of the line up....

A woman marries a man who she thought was a good guy but he turns out to be a pshyco killer...so she kills him

A woman works for a doctor that she thinks is a good guy, turns out he kills his patients and stalks her...so she kills him.

A woman's child is kidnapped...she hunts him down....and kills him

A woman is raped...the guy gets off....she kills him

A husband cheats on his wife....she kills him

A woman cheats on her husband...totally not her fault...he was probably gonna kill her, right?

A kid has an eating disorder...which in my opinion is just a movie to teach kids how to successfully have an eating disorder...good news? no one dies (most of the time)

I kinda feel bad for the unsuspecting husband that comes home to a wife who has watched these movie marathons all day.

"Honey, supper is cold" BAM...she kills him.

Best Halloween Face Award

2008-11-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

Halloweenies

2008-10-31T20:52:00.001-07:00

Awwww

2008-10-31T20:49:00.000-07:00

The cutest picture ever!

I'm Quitting School...

2008-10-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

I picked Kayla up from school a couple of weeks ago and she said, "I'm quitting school, it costs too much to graduate." I agreed. She is quitting tomorrow.

haha. not really.

Seriously though, dang. Senior year is ridiculous expensive...if you want your kid to have
Senior Pictures - approx. $300-400 (plus a $75 sitting fee)
A Cap and Gown - $40
Graduation Invitations (and all the stuff that goes with them) - $160
Senior Prom - $200-300
Yearbook - $50 etc... (And these are only the necessities)
And could one of you guys buy this poor kid a car?

Hope you have an extra $Grand$ or so laying around when your kid is a Senior or at least plenty of candles and bottled water when your utilities get shut off. lol
note to self: pay power bill today before 5.

Btw, I ordered the 'Poor Boy Package' of invitations so I may have to ask you to read the invitation, re-seal the envelope and forward it to the next address.

And to think, this is my easy one. Jordan and Jade will graduate back to back.
Wonder if it is too late to start home schooling?

Things That Annoy Me

2008-10-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

Walmart on a Saturday
Running out of toilet paper
Putting down my ink pen and 2 seconds later finding the remains where my dog ate it
When the sheet pops off the matress
Getting excited about cooking something good but it requires milk and the milk is gone
Forgetting to wash my hair while I'm in the shower
Running out of coffee
Having to keep useless paperwork because one day..maybe in 10 years or never..you might need it
Being told at 7 a.m. by a kid that they 'don't have anything clean to wear to school'.
Cell Phones
People who spend $500 on a t-shirt
Bees
Spiders
Pumping Gas

To Be Continued...

Ms. Grumpy Pants

2008-10-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at Mamaws...

Me: Hi Mamaw
Mamaw: Hey, why are you here?
Me: I'm here to see you and I thought you might be hungry...want some lunch?
Mamaw: Well, if I knew who's house I was in, maybe. I had to hunt for the bathroom. Who are these people who live with me.
Me: This is your house. No one lives here with you. Darla spends the night.
Mamaw: Why?
Me: Errrr
Me: Did mom come see you yesterday?
Mamaw: I don't know
Me: She brought you some HOT Taco Bell didn't she?
Mamaw: Oh, yeah. Look of disdain. Why do they keep moving me?
Me: They don't, this is your house.
Mamaw: giving me the crooked one eye stare, OH! PHHUUMP.
Me: So...you hungry?
Mamaw: Well, I guess, there probably isn't anything to eat though.
Me: I'll go check it out...back to the living room...You have some Chick-Fil-A Nuggets in there
Mamaw: Oh. Goody.
Me: hehe, huh? Are you being sassy?
Mamaw: Crooked eye stare
Me: Or, you have some cup 'o soup.
Mamaw: That sounds good.
After Lunch and Back to The Chair
Me: Have you listened to any good tapes?
Mamaw: NO
Me: Hmm, o.k. Turning the tape on anyway....
After a few minutes of awkward conversation
Me: Well, I have to go pick up a kid. Darla will be here soon!
Mamaw: I'm getting sick of being moved. You tell them to quit moving me so much.
Me: Okey Dokey.

So...Stop moving Mamaw. She is getting grumpy about it. :p

When You Live In RossVegas

2008-10-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

People make fun of my town a lot but there is at least one reason you gotta love it...

After cleaning mom's kitchen/deck today...and after picking Jade up from school and taking Kayla to work, I decided to come home and nap for an hour until it was time to pick up Jordan at basketball practice.
Of course I was running a few minutes late, as usual. Still had on my cleaning clothes...hoodie and very baggie sweatpants topped off with a greasy ponytail. It wasn't until I got to school that I remembered that there was a Parent Meeting for all the basketball kids! Ugh.
Since I was late already I couldn't come home and change so I had to dig around in the van for a pair of jeans (which I found..don't judge..I knew they would come in handy) and run into the cafeteria hoping no one would notice that my hoodie was dusty, my hair was greasy and the jeans I had on were about 3 inches too short for me. Turns out, the meeting was very unnecessary and no one seemed too repulsed at my appearance which brings me to why I love my town...80% of the people look like I did today on purpose so when I get caught off guard it's o.k.