Saturday, November 29, 2008

Yo Martha

It's the year of the Chinese Christmas. I have 3 parties (and counting) that I have to find a man and woman gift $25 or less. This sounds like a great idea until you have to start shopping for it. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a nose for perfume or any fashion sense but what I think smells o.k. really stinks and I still wear the same clothes I bought 5 years ago. I don't know what a cute purse looks like. The one I carry is hanging on by a thread. Partly because it is so old that I don't even remember when or where I got it and partly because my dog chewed on the strap and it's hanging on by a thread but I don't care for I think purses are just another something I have to keep up with.

I could go with the standard candle, picture frame or warm cozy blanket but that isn't a ton of fun.

So, I'm searching for ideas. I need someone with Martha Stewart Super Hero Powers to come to my rescue and share some cool ideas with me.

Hmmm




Would this be an inappropriate gift for a lady at our annual Christmas Deacon Dinner? Shouldn't everyone own a belly dancer coin wrap?

Black Friday Haze

It's all a blur. I guess I should recap Thanksgiving since I didn't even mention it. I was going to take some fabulous pictures of the get together but my kid stole the batteries out of my camera. In short, the food was great...Sandy's hair is really long...Kayla pulled out into traffic and cut someone off and Toby almost wet himself (don't ask me again why my kid doesn't have her license yet ;) Football, Pumpkin Pie, Heath is tubby, filling your plate to overflowing always seems like a good idea at the time...grandmother...and mom deleted her blog? whew.

So, I woke up early on Thanksgiving because I knew that I needed to go to bed early for Black Friday Shopping! The problem: we didn't get home until after 10 p.m. and I wasn't sleepy. Talked to Casey and we decided we would leave my house at 3:30 A.M. We made this decision around 11:30 p.m. Do the math people. That is not enough sleep even if we had been in bed 3 hours earlier.

Now, at 3:30 in the morning, pulling your hair in a ponytail, wearing little to no make-up and dressing like a bum seems reasonable. Who dresses up at 3:30 in the morning? exactly. The problem arises around 8 a.m. when the people who waited a little longer and spent more time making themselves presentable start to show up. I'm not saying they were judging me but I was more than a little relieved when I saw others like me who were roaming around in their pre-4 a.m. fashions.

If you add all that together: very little sleep, no makeup, bad clothes and being old...come 11 a.m. or so it all starts to melt together and you don't have to look in the mirror to know what you look like. I do not do well without my sleep. I could feel the skin sliding off my face. I knew that I was starting to zone out while standing in those long lines and my jaw was starting to sag, my eyes were closing and I was hoping that I wasn't drooling but at that point didn't really care. Casey of course was still looking great with her 20 something year old self. Whatever.

I did get some great deals.

There is just something about not getting enough sleep that makes you sleepy/tired but unable to sleep. I walked around in a daze for the rest of the day yesterday. It was fun though. Fun in that I saved some money kinda way.

I do need to give a shout out to my new friend John at Walmart. He went above and beyond the call of duty and made sure I got something for free. Good job John. There may be a Christmas card in your future.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Turn It Up!

I have added a medley of fabulous Christmas tunes to this blog so turn up your volume and you're welcome.

Did You Hear That?

That loud groaning wailing panicing noise of sheer helplessness, fear, and distress that just broke the sound barrier was me...a mom...who just found out that instead of the customary 3 day Thanksgiving break from school, her kids will be home for the entire week of Thanksgiving. THE ENTIRE WEEK?! What happened to advance notice? Shouldn't parents get to vote on this stuff? Yes, I know you sent home a calendar at the beginning of the school year but who really reads it?

Now I love the idea of sleeping late...it's the getting up and finding something for 3 bored kids to do to pass the time that is not my favorite.

I'm bored
I'm hungry
Can we go somewhere
I don't want to clean
She isn't cleaning as much as me
I had t.v. first
It's too cold to play outside
I'm bored
Can we go to the mall
Can we go to the park
I'm bored
I said it was my turn to use the computer next
Shut up, no, you shut up, no you shut up
WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP
I'm bored
Why do we have to go to bed...there is no school tomorrow...and it's only 6:00
There is nothing to do

Did you hear that? It was me again.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

You Know You Watch Too Much CSI When...

You see a shoe in the middle of the road and think:

Maybe I should go back and make sure someone hasn't been hit by a car and is lying in the ditch waiting to be rescued

You spit your gum out the window and think:

I sure hope that doesn't end up being some kind of crime scene. They will find my gum and I will be a prime suspect!

You are cooking dinner and pour blood from the meat down the sink and think:

If I disappear today they will find that blood and think I was murdered. But then they will take it to the lab and figure out it is just bovine blood.

Yes, I have really thought all of these things. :D

The Traveling Pants

First of all I would like to say that if you have 3 kids a dog and a husband it is probably not the best idea in the world to have your kids do their own laundry. Why you ask? Well, the amount of laundry that flows through this house is enormous and kids who are only willing to wash what they wear the next day do not get very much accomplished...leaving piles of unwashed and neglected/rejected laundry lying everywhere...waiting.

So, in an effort to regain some sort of control over the mess that is threatening to bury my dog alive, I have been trying to get laundry done today.

Now...a few posts back I mentioned the khaki pant crusade. We are past that but we still have the old pants that were too small. Well, every time I have done laundry for the past month, these too small khaki pants have been in the laundry pile. I have washed them and put them back up and I have just hung them back up and stuck them in the closet (because I know that noone has worn them). So I'm starting on my laundry again today and what is in the pile? Yeah, those crazy khaki pants! What is going on? I keep putting them up and they keep reappearing in the laundry. Are my kids messing with me? Are the pants haunted?

I think I will probably give them away since they were barely worn but should I give someone a pair of haunted pants? Will I be under the "full disclosure" law and have to attach a warning to the pants for the next owner...just so they will know that the pants can and will walk themselves back into the laundry pile when you aren't looking? I could burn them and just rid the world of the scariness of it all but then what if I find them in the laundry again the next day...like 'Christine' the scary car movie that fixed itself everytime someone tried to destroy it. I just don't think I could handle that much creepy.

Or maybe, I'm just imagining it all because my brain is rejecting the idea of cleaning.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Round One

Ridgeland Panthers defeat the Atlanta-Carver Panthers in round one of the State Playoffs! The scoreboard says that there are still a few minutes left but the score didn't change and it was starting to rain and making me freeze so we started walking. The game was very good but the half time show was so much fun to watch! I could have gotten more of the show but I just had my regular camera and my memory card isn't really big and I had HAD Ridgeland coming in at the beginning of the game but I accidentally erased it. :( You'll just have to use your imagination or watch Drum Line...
video

From The Stands...

Sports bring out the obnoxious in parents...it is a sickness. You can try to be different and composed but eventually you will give in and spend a full hour of your life screaming at 12-14 year old kids like they can A.) hear you or B.) care

A sampling of what could be heard from the stands...from me...at Jordan's game yesterday...

HUSTLE LADIES!
WHERE IS THE COVERAGE?!
WHY CAN'T YOU SHOOT LAYUPS?!
TURN AROUND!
TAKE THE BALL AWAY FROM HER!
MAKE HER FOUL YOU! (aimed at the only really good player on the other team who had 4 fouls on her and one more would have put her on the bench :) )
TAKE IT ALL THE WAY IN! DON'T STOP AT THE 3 POINT LINE!
OH MI GOSH!! UGH!!

I would say that isn't so bad seeing as how it is too loud to hear much of anything since everyone is screaming at once...but I did hear from behind me...

PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!

I think that was coming from another kid though, not a parent. I think.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bailout Fatigue

I don't know about you but I'm getting pretty tired of all this money being thrown around. Now they want to bail out the auto makers? Umm, GM was going under before the melt-down so why exactly does the government feel like they should give them a loan? I understand the job loss and such but if they can't make money then how is throwing more money at them going to help?

I'm also annoyed because AIG has set aside 6 million dollars for employee bonuses! And they were supposed to list where all this money was going and have yet to do so. And the banks that have been given money so far are just sitting on it. And NOW they are saying that instead of putting money in into housing they are going to give more money to the banks to stimulate loans. Hello? Who has enough credit left to get a loan? If you still have that credit then you don't need a stinkin' loan. Keeping in mind that it is not the governments money they are giving away...it's tax payer money. Where does it end? We already have different States wanting money from the government because of their own financial issues.

This bailout was a really really bad idea.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Hot Off The Presses!



Jordan wants these shoes for her birthday and I found them here:

http://www.shoeshow.com/Mountain-Creek-Wallabee-P11692C5.aspx?imgbase=748148

Do any of the grandparents want to buy them for her? :D

Why Is These Fries Cold?

I was running late to Mamaw's yesterday so I had to stop and pick her up a corn dog and fries at Krystal. It was really a shame that I couldn't stay longer because she was Hilarious!

Mamaw: (after eating her corndog) Why is these fries cold?
Me: Well they weren't cold when I bought them...maybe you just waited too long to eat them!
Mamaw: No, I think you just didn't cook them long enough.
Me: Well, I was in a rush and ended up having to take the dog with me to run my errands because he wouldn't come in the house....I just went through the drive thru to get your lunch...next time I will tell them to make sure the fries are good and hot. Do you want me to heat them up?
Mamaw: NO! You'll heat my whole plate up!
Me: No, I can put them on a napkin and heat them up.
Mamaw: Awww, you're silly. (Eats all but about 5 fries) Here, you can have the rest of 'em.
Me: Gee, thanks Mamaw. I don't want your cold fries!
Mamaw: heeheeheehee...well, you should have cooked them longer then!
Me: I didn't...nevermind.
Mamaw: (look of concern on her face) You didn't let the dog eat out of my food did you?
Me: Uh, NO!
Mamaw: I bet you did! Why else would you be laughing so?
Me: Umm, I didn't and because you are being hilarious!
Mamaw: Heeheehee...You did.
Me: I don't let animals eat my people food. That is gross. That is why I don't have cats...they climb on the counters and stick their faces in your food.
Mamaw: Shoo Weee! I don't want any cats! You're mama sure likes 'em though.
Me: Sandy has about 12 cats!
Mamaw: Woooo Weeee! What does a body do with that many cats?
Me: I don't know. I think one of her cats had kittens and they couldn't bare to get rid of them so they had them all fixed and kept them.
Mamaw: WooooWeeee! That is a lot of fixin'!
Me: Yeah, I know! They have a ton of chickens too.
Mamaw: Did they fix them?
Me: haha..I don't think you can fix a chicken can you?
Mamaw: Sure you can. You wring their heads off!
Me: ROTFLMBO!! I guess that would fix just about anything!
Mamaw: My mom used to do that. Just grab them by the neck...twist it around like this (showing movements) a few times and their heads pop clean off!
Me: So, do chickens really run around after you pop their heads off?
Mamaw: Whaaat? I never seen one do that.
Me: Well, people say they "run around like a chicken with their head cut off" I was just wondering if that was true.
Mamaw: Well, not after my mama wrung their necks they weren't runnin' around.

That is all I can remember.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I Wanna Be Like Mike

video

Yay! I got the video to work! I have other segments of this game but don't want to push my luck. Yes, in case you didn't know...Jordan is multi-talented. She can be a band geek / basketball player. They cancel each other out. They lost this game and if you add an hour to this running back and forth with noone scoring you have basically seen the entire game.

Christmas Concert

video

This was from the 6th Grade Christmas Concert last year. This year Jade will be in it also in case some of you would like to come. It's pretty entertaining watching these kids play and hearing 'squeeeaakk' when they hit a wrong note.

Guilty Pleasures

I used to stay at home from 12-4 every single day because I didn't want to miss one single second of my Soap Operas. Totally over it. Have been for quite a while. Don't even care anymore who's pregnant with who's dead ex-husbands baby who will show up un-dead right when she is fixing to marry the man of her dreams.

But...

I have 2 new shows that are even better and considered 'can't miss'

Show #1 - The Amazing Race

Amazing is quite accurate! I love this show! I love watching people get mad at each other and fight over airline tickets and plot/scheme/lie to each other. It's Great! It saddens me that I could never be on this show..even though I think I could do it. It's just a fact of life that Rocky is way too high strung to be in a competition..with me..the 'have to nap every 6 hours' girl. And since there are so many maps you have to follow we would probably end up punching each other in the face since he won't ask directions and I always pick the wrong way...Seriously, I can have 2 choices, left or right, and always pick the wrong one. And if I try to out-smart myself and choose the way I think is 'wrong' just to get it right...I'm still wrong. It's useless. I have been on the fence as to who I am rooting for up until now but I think I have chosen this couple:



They are nice to everyone

So there's that one...

#2 - Survivor

Now I know that there can be some vile people on this show and they walk around in their underwear a lot but I can't help but love it. I just cheer for the good guys! It's almost down to the wire and there are some really really bad players this year. All the bad players are voting out all the good players first! It's crazy! My favorites are Matty and Sugar. Yes, Sugar. She is a pin up model or something..haha But she is really nice and not nasty so don't hate. Matty has crazy hair and competes well.

Those are my favorite shows. That and all flavors of CSI, Law and Order, and that new show The Mentalist. Lisa also has me hooked on Lost but it hasn't started again yet.

Now you can all rest better knowing what I watch on t.v.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I Just Want To Bang On The Drum All Day

Do you ever go to bed thinking, "Tomorrow, tomorrow I am really really gonna get some stuff done" and then you get up and think, "It can wait until tomorrow." Of course you do. I know who reads this blog.

I think I have decided to let my kids wash their own clothes. I'm over them going to bed talking about how they "don't have anything clean" when I spend most of my life trying to make sure they have clean clothes and it's not my fault that they leave their dirty clothes piled up in their bedroom like I'm going to collect it while cleaning their rooms and making their food. Does anyone know me? Do they not realize that I had to figure out how to mop a floor and wash clothes after I got married and how I washed dishes ONE TIME when I was a kid because I was being punished? My point being...I DON'T LIKE TO CLEAN EITHER! Yes, we are all slobs but I feel like I can be a slob because I am the one who will eventually clean. They, on the other hand, are slobs who do not clean. I win.

And my van. I drive the van. Therefore I have very little opportunity to make a mess in there because I'm busy keeping her on the road. So how then does my van look like it threw up 2 months worth of garbage? Why is there laundry in my van? Hello? Why is there popcorn on my dashboard? And why oh why are all the pennies in my change tray stuck together into one big change blob? What exactly made the sticky? Oh if I could only read the minds of the teachers who open the door to let my kids in after school.

I have seen those "clean house" shows. I have seen those people cringe and mock vomit over way less than what my house looks like. It's not for lack of trying and if it makes you feel better it's mostly new nasty since I do spend most of my life cleaning in circles to no avail. I have openly admited that were I to walk into a house that looks like mine usually looks, I would not let my kids spend the night there. Shameful? I don't know. Talk to the non-cleaning slobs because I'm feelin' pretty guilt free about the whole thing.

Now back to my 'do your own laundry' reservations. I'm just wondering who has to sort out the clothes and how much laundry detergent I'm going to have to buy before they realize that you don't have to put a full cap into a load with 2 pairs of jeans. It's a headache either way. I have heard from many parents that their kids do their own laundry so it must not be child abuse. Are we going to have to make a laundry schedule? Why is my head already hurting? No. I have made up my mind. Operation 'Do Your Own Stinkin' Laundry' is about to launch. Lord give me strength. It's fixin' to get ugly in the Bradford Crib.

Too bad I have a short attention span and will probably call off 'Operation Do Your Own Stinkin' Laundry' in a week or so because it's easier to just do it and get it over with. Don't Judge. And Don't tell my kids that I am planning an exit strategy before I even begin. Terrorists DO NOT need to know your exit strategy (O*cough*Bama)

That is all.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Deliciously Disgusting

I just ate my weight in peanut M & M's. My dog even looked at me like he was ashamed of me and sometimes he eats his own poo. <----that was nasty eh? haha

My intention was to show you a video of Jordan playing basketball tonight but it wasn't working and I got over it. We lost. But the score was 3-4 and it wasn't because both teams were amazing at defense...:/

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Khaki Schmaki

Just an update:

I went to Old Navy and they didn't have her size.

So I came back home...waited for her to get out of BB practice and went back to the mall. Just so happens...Santa Claus came to town at the mall today so what was already a crowded area was aggrivated by swarms of toddlers waiting to see the jolly fat man.
Ended up going to American Eagle who had khaki's but they were $24.99 so we checked Aeropostle and they had left over school uniform khaki's on sale for $14.99 and I was super excited until I found out it was just the left over sizes...in which, they had a size 1/2 but in 'short' only.
So we got the American Eagle pants. I didn't see them any cheaper at Walmart and I didn't have time to order online. Also, I'm out of gas again and Jordan was grumpy. Finding them 5 dollars cheaper just didn't seem worth it. :D
Oh, and the kicker...picked up Jade from school and told her we couldn't go to the library because I had to get Jordan's khaki's and she said, "Oh, I need some for band"
Curses!! I would order hers online but she needs odd sizes too. So, as soon as I get the pen I just shoved into my eyeball healed up...I will be going back to the mall.

Kayla's Blog

http://kayla-blahblahblog.blogspot.com/

Sufferin' Sucatash

RMS Basketball Coaches:

Dear Mrs. Bradford,

We are very pleased that your child made the RMS Basketball team! We are looking forward to a great year. Now what we need from you is to buy your child a pair of khaki pants in the winter when no one sales khaki pants unless they are on the clearance rack and are capri's or size one million and have them by this Friday since 3 days notice is perfectly reasonable. We realize that your child is an abnormally tall and thin girl who winces at the thought of a pair of pants that rise above her ankles when she sits down and is too small for a size 2 but too tall for a size 1 and too short for a size 1/tall without stepping all over her brand new khaki's and soiling them beyond repair.
The good news is, Walmart carries khaki pants and they are only $12 what we failed to mention is that this is in the kids department and a child your age probably...no, more than likely...can no longer wear these sizes but hey, it sounds nice, yes? Now, Mrs. Bradford, what you have to do is drive all around the country since we gave you zero time to order something online and use all your gas making whatever you might happen to find cost an extra $10 to put more gas in your tank and if you don't your child will not only not match the rest of the team but will also be humiliated and have to wear her old, too short, size 0 khaki pants that no longer fit her. And, as an added bonus, we will keep your kid in basketball practice until 5:30 every day this week to make sure you will have to fight the after work crowds no matter where you go.

Congratulations!
RMS Coaches

Dear RMS Coaches,

How about you just shoot me in the face and we will call it even?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Bradford

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Baby Got Back

I have to say that I just cannot wait until the low low low rise jeans are out of fashion. I was at church tonight and saw 1 crack, 2 Hanes waistbands and 4 kids continuously checking to make sure their backside was covered when they sat down.

If you can't kneel down at the alter to pray without mooning the crowd...your pants are too low.
If you can't get out of a car without mooning your mom...your pants are too low.
If you can't sit in a chair without having to hang your jacket on the back to keep from showing your underwear or booty...your pants are too low.

I can't totally blame the consumer. I have a really hard time finding pants for my kids that are high enough. They fit well when you are standing in front of the dressing room mirror but after wearing those puppies for a couple of hours...they start to stretch and I really don't care who you are...that is not a flattering look.

Speaking of pants. If anyone can give me any ideas of where I can find a size 2 khaki pant for Jordan without paying out the nose I would appreciate it. She has to have some for basketball. I guess they are wearing khaki's and team shirts when they play out of town, which I respect because at least they are trying to make the kids look nice but they obviously have never had to shop for a kid that is too tall for kids sizes and too skinny for adult sizes.

Time

Who was the genius that decided our days needed to be measured out in time? I think I could be more productive if there were no clocks. Of course we need our day and night...that isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about having to go to bed at a certain time because I have to get up early in the morning. I work better at night! But then, I stay up late...can't get up...finally get up but am very sleepy so I take a nap...stay up late...can't get up...etc. etc. You get the point.

What if we could just say, 'you have to work 8 hours today...don't care when...just get your 8' and do the same thing with school and appointments. Everything open 24 hours..walk in only.

I just think that would be amazing.

I would sleep from 6 a.m. - 3 p.m. because nothing good is on t.v. and there is nothing to do. Keeping in mind that in my world you can go to the bank and the doctor or work or whatever..whenever you felt like it so sleeping til 3 would be totally fine.

Anyway, time for my nap. :))

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

State of the Union

Statement made tonight by a teenager...

I can't wait to get home and watch the election!
Obama...Obama...Obama...(hands clapping)
If he wins, we will get EVERYTHING FREE!

And there we are.

Congrats my fellow Americans. You have elected one Barak Obama for your President. Now get in line and get your free stuff.

Ode To George

Georgie Porgie Puddin' Pie
You always made the Democrats cry
When you took office...tragedy struck
You showed the world that Texans had guts

They didn't find the WMD's
But you did hunt down and destroy some sand fleas
You were patient when the protesters wailed
I would have made them take showers and put them in jail

You choked on a pretzel and people made fun
You fell off your mountain bike, you should probably just run
It cracks me up when you get tickled
I like to see your shoulders wiggle

Hollywood seems to think you're dumb
Which only leaves me thinking, ummmm
Shut up and entertain me nitwit
You shouldn't speak unless you're reading a script.

I have watched you age in the past 8 years
I'm sure you're probably tired
But if McCain gets elected you can rest
Sarah Palin can see Russia from her yard

Farewell my friend
You will be missed
If Obama wins
We'll be communists
But just to leave it on a happy note
Yee-Haw, happy trails, and don't forget to vote!!

Lifetime Movie Network For Women

Anyone who knows me knows that I get hyper-obsessed with something until I get over it and I find something else to obsess over. Lately it has been HGTV, The Food Channel and The Vacation channel. Well, I'm over it. So...I have been searching for something new. I like the old movie channel unless it is a war movie or a western. Since that is what was showing this morning I decided to switch over to the Lifetime Movie Network for Women. I'm perplexed.

What makes this channel for women? Here's a sampling of the line up....

A woman marries a man who she thought was a good guy but he turns out to be a pshyco killer...so she kills him

A woman works for a doctor that she thinks is a good guy, turns out he kills his patients and stalks her...so she kills him.

A woman's child is kidnapped...she hunts him down....and kills him

A woman is raped...the guy gets off....she kills him

A husband cheats on his wife....she kills him

A woman cheats on her husband...totally not her fault...he was probably gonna kill her, right?

A kid has an eating disorder...which in my opinion is just a movie to teach kids how to successfully have an eating disorder...good news? no one dies (most of the time)

I kinda feel bad for the unsuspecting husband that comes home to a wife who has watched these movie marathons all day.

"Honey, supper is cold" BAM...she kills him.

Saturday, November 1, 2008