Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Second Degree Creepiness

It was a dark and stormy night... Not really. That is just how most creepy stories start.

I have been sick for the past few days so I haven't really wanted anything to do with the computer but I just had to tell you about this guy, for 2 reasons really

1. Because it is entertaining
2. So there will be some sort of record on file if and when I have to press charges. haha

When my kids play outside they think it is hilarious when one of them comes in first and locks the door so the other one can't get in. Of course then they have to knock and knock until someone notices and opens the door for them.

So, it didn't seem odd when I heard a knock on the door a couple of days ago because they had been playing outside and because it wasn't a normal -knockknockknock- tap that strangers use when they knock on your door...it was more of a -KNoCKknockKnoCKKNOCK- funny knock that people who are familiar with you and your house use. You know what I mean. Just think about it for a second.
Anyway, had it been the regular stranger knock I would have totally looked outside before opening the door and probably not bothered to answer it but since it was a funny knock I thought it was a kid so I opened the door right up. Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I had on my p.j.'s and my hair hadn't even been brushed yet..nevermind that it was 4 p.m....don't judge. I only tell you that because that would have been another reason not to open the door for a stranger.

In true Ralphie fashion, my dog goes nuts when someone knocks on the door so when I opened it he was right there ready to tear someone's face off (or jump up and down in the air like Michael Jordan on crack) After grabbing the dog I look up and there stood a StRaNgEr! Holy Cow! That was unexpected. At first I thought he might be the repo man but they don't knock do they? LOL

Anyway, I was all...ummmm, hi?
And he says, "hehe, Ralphie sure is a good guard dog isn't he?"

Now, at this point I was a little more relieved because who would know my dogs name if they didn't know someone in my family, right? wrong! So of course I was all, "haha, yeah right. Hardly a guard dog" and then he asks if Rocky is home.

So ok...he knows my dogs name and he knows Rocky. Whew. Then Rocky is all..."Grrr, who is that, Grrr." He likes strangers coming over as much as me..and he was playing the XBOX and who likes to be interrupted when they are playing the XBOX? Nobody, that's who! And I was all, "IDK..some guy asking for you." I wasn't worried. Rocky knew this guy, right?

Rocky opens the door and didn't say, "HEY BROTHER!" Like he would have done if he had known the guy so again, StRaNgEr DaNgEr!

Rocky came back in and told me that it was one of the guys who had been working next door at our neighbors house and he wanted to borrow a tool. I know you are thinking, whew! that makes sense. He isn't a crazy stalker. Sure, if you discount the fact that HE KNEW MY DOG'S NAME and didn't use the stranger knock like he should have then o.k. BUT, that was 2 days ago.

This morning I let my dog out to go do his business. Even my dog has manners and uses the correct knock when he is ready to come back inside...so when he started knocking to come in I opened the door right up. I looked outside and WHO WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME AND WAVING? YES! The same creepy dude! He wasn't on my porch this time but I'm not sure that makes it any better. He was next door in my neighbor's carport...staring right at my house...into my door...and waving WAVING! YOU DO NOT KNOW ME MR. CREEPY GUY! And why are you staring at my house? Why are you not working? Are you watching us? I really need to go to the store...but do I need to take my whole family and my dog? I am not very comfortable leaving them at home now, knowing you have nothing better to do than learn my dog's name and stare at my house just in case I open the door so you can wave.

So yeah, I'm totally telling on you. Now you all know what to tell the cops if I go missing. I watch those Lifetime movies. I know that the nice-guy is hardly ever really nice. If it was just dumb luck that you happened to be staring at my house at the same moment I opened the door then my apologies but Mister, that is 2 strikes. 2 times you have creeped me out. Maybe we just live in a time when friendly = creepy. Bad luck for you I guess. One more strike and I will take you out! I just completed Kung Foo Panda on the XBOX and am feeling pretty confident about my new KungFoo skillz. Don't make me use them.

On a lighter note:
We made our rice crispie treats last night. Can you say Delicious? They don't cut into nice little squares too easy though. It's like one giant treat.

That is all.

Thursday, December 25, 2008


I couldn't leave Ralphie out of the Christmas pictures! I just won't even bother telling you how stinkin' cute he was this morning opening his Christmas present. Of course he has already decapitated his new teddy bear but we didn't expect it to last very long anyway.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Party At Mom's

I didn't get as many pictures at this one so someone will have to share with me. I had several versions of the grandkid picture but this one was the best.

Christmas Party At Dad's

Monday, December 22, 2008

Festive Holiday Creation...Take Two

After the underwhelming Christmas Cookie incident we decided to try our luck with the Gingerbread House...

It started here

Next, I (yes, me) assembled the house with much care and patience (aside from the almost fit I had when the roof kept sliding off) it looked like this

And finally, after all the candy was stuck on with only a few insults hurled around by the girls (that is ugly, you aren't doing it right, that's a dumb idea, shut up) it ended up looking like this

All in all it was pretty successful. We decided that next year we will have 3 houses and a little competition. The only problem is we can't figure out how to eat it and are not sure we even want to.

Oh, after I took these pictures Kayla used the little gingerbread snowmen to create a snowman crime scene in front of the house. She took a picture. Maybe she will show you.

Zero Cookie Decorating Skillz

The original plan was to bake and decorate some festive Christmas cookies and take them to the neighbors. That was until the cookies ended up being the size of EZ Bake Oven cookies and we found out that we have zero cookie decorating skillz. Here is what they looked like...

Now you have to keep in mind that these cookies were on a regular sized paper towel. That is just how small they were. We couldn't shame ourselves by delivering these cookies so we ate them. They were pretty good for baby cookies with ugly faces.

For Your Entertainment Pleasure

Here's a snipet of the Christmas Concert. I only got Jade because Jordan was sitting with her back to me. Figures they would be sitting on opposite sides...My apologies in advance for the grandma shake my hand was doing while filming and to any innocent parties who were not aware that they would be posted on a blog.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Have Yourself A Merry Little Meltdown

Man, I just got home from church and everyone is so stressed out! Christmas is not suppose to stress you out. Well, right now I'm a little stressed but I plan on being done with all that by Sunday evening and enjoying my Christmas week. I still have to clean my house...wow, I think I just cried. Did I ever tell you how much I hate cleaning my house? And I bought a gingerbread house that the kids are going to assemble but we have to fit it into our schedule first...and we are making Christmas cookies for the neighbors AND I bought the stuff to make rice crispie treats. Sounds like fun, eh?

Sounds like a lot of fun but I don't think I like gingerbread. We are going to be super busy for the next week so I'm not sure when we are going to make all of these treats. But I bought them so I totally get a Good Mom Gold Star for it.

I wonder if what that song says about turkey and mistletoe is true...Everybody knows....a turkey and some mistletoe...help to make the season bright... That song. Yeah, I have never tried it but I guess it is worth a shot. If it doesn't brighten up the season I could just re-gift it for one of my boy/girl gifts.

I'm going to finish my shopping over the next couple of days so if I'm not around that is why. If I do not return by Monday...call 9-1-1 cause it's possible that the scuffle I get into with that grandma in the slipper sock section of Bath and Body took me out and stuffed me in her trunk.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

That's Good Stuff

BAGHDAD - An Iraqui journalist who hurled his shoes at President George W. Bush in a fit of outrage was hit in the head with a rifle butt and had an arm broken in chaotic scenes when he was leapt on by Iraqui security officers, his brother said on Tuesday...

There is more to this story but this part made me laugh out loud. If you don't get it, read it again and picture it. It's quite hilarious. Or maybe I'm just easily amused this morning. In OUR country this guy would not go to jail, would sue the police officers and win millions of dollars...even though he broke the law. I like Iraqui justice better. haha

Monday, December 15, 2008

Detox! Stat!

Hi. My name is Christi and I'm a Christmas party foodaholic. I didn't think I had a problem. I thought I would be able to stop whenever I wanted to. I was wrong. I....am....an.....addict.

So Christi, what brought you here today?

Well, it all started around Thanksgiving. You know...Yummy delicious food having Thanksgiving? I bought into the lie that it was only once a year and I should indulge myself, over and over and over. You'd think I would have learned my lesson and I did for a week or so. But then came the Christmas parties.

And what happened at these "parties".

There was food. Lots and lots of food. I can't totally blame the Christmas parties. There were also birthday parties and shopping trips that require you to eat out. Just so much food! It is everywhere! And the hosts spend so much of their time cooking, how can I say "no" to the food?

That is a good question. What couldn't you just say no?

It was like, "Hey Christi, would you like some of this delicious cheese dip?"
and me, "Why yes, I would love to do a double back-flip scissor jump round off into your yummy delicious cheese dip."
and then of course you have the main course which, if you get a little of everything, will fill your plate to overflowing. And...AND...being a member of "The Clean Plate Club" I couldn't not finish it all off.

Umm, What is the "Clean Plate Club?"
It's a club where you HAVE to eat everyting on your plate or you will die. Or, at the very least really bad things will happen to you. Don't look for logic here. There is none. It's just a fact.

Then, "Christi, would you like some yummy delicious cheese cake or chocolate cake or red velvet cake or pie or maybe a little of all."
Me, "Of Course!" because anything less would be rude.
I just thought to myself that I would make up for it by sticking to a peanut butter sandwich the next day and calling it even. Which would have probably worked had I not had yet another Christmas party to go to the next night. I'll spare you the details. Just refer back to the first scenario.
Maybe I could have undone some of the damage had I not had to go grocery shopping on Sunday.
How can you go grocery shopping and not come home and eat? Yeah, you can't.

So we are back to why you are here today.

I'm here because I need an intervention!! My jeans are screaming at me. My gut is angry. I can't sleep. I HAVE MORE PARTIES! I WILL EAT AGAIN! What am I going to do?!

Well, for $19.99 (plus shipping and handling) we can sell you our "New Year's Resolution" package that includes the "I'll go on a diet in January and lose 20 pounds by summer" if you are interested.

Does that work?

Not really.

Figures. Nevermind then. Thanks for nothing. I'm gonna go eat a cracker and a piece of lettuce. Hopefully I will even out again before the party on Saturday.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Merry Christmas From My Family To Yours

THE MOST Hilarious thing I have seen in months!
You will want to scroll down to the bottom of the page to cut the music before playing this. Consider this your Christmas card from my family to yours!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards


Toomuchtodoitis- pronounced (too much to do itis) is a common illness year round but is especially contagious during the holiday season. This illness is not life threatening unless you are over the age of 35, have a family history, breathe air, eat popcorn or shower daily. Symptoms include but are not limited to:

1. Constant feeling of frustration
2. Knowing there is something you should be doing, buying, accomplishing...but can't for the life of you remember what it is.
3. Eating Doritos for breakfast
4. Walking around your house in circles...talking to yourself.
5. Nervous unproductive energy
6. Spend 30 minutes complaining about something you have to do that would have only taken you 20 minutes to finish.
7. Brain Paralysis. Toomuchtodoitis can cause your brain to shut down completely and make you unable to do anything that requires thought so you sit on the coach and watch the latest "Survivor" episode instead.
8. Eating Ice Cream for lunch
9. Giving your dog the evil eye because he gets to lay around and do nothing.
10. Making an 'exit strategy' list so you will be prepared with a good excuse as to why you have to leave that Christmas party that you feel obligated to go to but have one million hundred other more important things that need to be done. (Hush family, I'm not talking about your parties.)
11. Blogging when there are at least 3 other things that should be finished...FINISHED, not started, in the next 2 hours.

If you have any of these symptoms you should not call your doctor because that is not on your list of things to do today and he will probably want to see you and you definetley do not have time for that. Instead, you should just suck it up...quit complaining and DO IT. Seriously Christi, get off the computer and DO IT. Now. Go.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Oh Noes! Another Teenager In The House

Jordan is officially a teenager today! Happy Birthday Jordan!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Let's Talk

I'm having a very rushed and stressful day and when this happens I tend to talk to myself a little more than usual. In an effort to clear my mind I thought it might be therapeutic to have this discussion here and be done with it.

First I would like to address my eyebrows:

Eyebrows, really? How do you grow so fast? I cannot keep up this kind of maintenance. I am really thinking about doing away with you all together if you can't control yourself better than this. Is that really want you want? Think about that before you answer. If anyone has a reason to rebel it is my legs. Hold on now stems...I was bragging on you. That was not an open invitation for you to complain. It's winter. Consider yourself in hibernation.

Face, you are ridiculous. How old do I have to be before you stop breaking out like a 14 year old? Yes, you could get more attention but if you think you are too good for soap and water you can get over yourself. I don't have time for these diva issues. Just relax. I'm sorry you are getting older but reverting back to your teenage years just makes you look silly. Grow up.

Coffee, my true love. You are killing me. I love you, you know this but you are wrecking my pearly whites. We are going to have to strike some sort of compromise. When all I want for Christmas is Crest White Strips something is wrong. Awww, come on now. Don't look at me like that. I know it is not fair to start putting conditions on our friendship after all of these years of being BFF's. I know were it not for you I would be in a coma. You know what, never mind. You are forgiven. Pretend we didn't have this conversation.

Dear RMS coaches, yes, I will have to pick Jordan up from practice early today because I have to go to a sports banquet tonight (that I totally forgot about hence my mental breakdown). Let me forewarn you though. If you put my kid on the bench for the entire game on Friday because of my issues...I will make you cry...a lot. I am still trying to forgive you for making her sit on the bench for the entire game last night because she was sick and missed the last one. You have no idea how close I came. You are lucky I love Jesus. That is all.

and lastly I would like to address my entire wardrobe....

Look, I know you are tired. I know that I have kept you through 3 cycles of being in style, out, in, out...but you have to come through for me again. I do not know what I am going to wear. I'm sure whichever one of you I choose you will want to pitch a fit and rent yourself in half but I beg you...hang in there. One day I will let you retire or you will die, whichever comes first.

Now, don't we all feel better?! Good talk guys. Now let's get back to work!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Most Excellent!

Yesterday was a good day. Don't get too excited because it probably won't mean much to you but I thought I would share anyway.

A couple of posts ago I expressed my thoughts in hoping that Corinne was voted off of Survivor. Well, I missed the original airing on Thursday but was able to catch it on Friday. I won't lie. I was looking a pretty bad for my buddy Matty (even though he is not my favorite he is in my top 2) and I was getting nervous but in the end, after all the lies and scheming by Bob and Corinne...Corinne was sent packing! Yes! Go ahead. It's o.k. You can do the happy dance. Do It. I'll wait.


We have had this gift card for Outback for a few months and last night Rocky decided he wanted to use it. I didn't tell him that I had already eaten enough at dad's birthday dinner to last me for the rest of the weekend because I didn't want to hurt his feelings...so we went.
If you have ever stood by a door and waited to be seated for almost an hour you know how unfun that is. The greeter said, "30-40 mins." which was pretty bad but we ended up waiting more like 50 mins. which in Outback time is really no big deal. What is Most Excellent about this experience is that since they made us wait a little longer than promised, the manager gave us a free appetizer! FREE. In Outback money that is the price of a small goat for a starving family in Uganda. On top of that they were really putting on the customer service show. I had 2 refills sitting on my table and had only half finished my first Diet Coke. The manager even offered a free cold brew. haha. No Thanks. But I'm sure that would have made a drunkard pretty happy, yes? And, they doubled the size of the ribs Rocky ordered. He couldn't eat them all and I couldn't finish my sandwich because of the giant plate of FREE cheese fries we ate. So we took the rest of it home...asked for a take home container and the waiter brought us 3 containers a free loaf of bread and a cool Outback bag to tote it all in. Yes, we were special because I saw lots of people taking their leftovers out without the cool bag.
Amazing Right?! I thought you would think so. That is why I am sharing. Rocky kept watching the time and the door to see when the perfect time would be to go to Outback in the future (if someone gives us a gift card) but I'm thinking I would rather wait that extra 10 min. and get great service and free stuff!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Come Baaaaack!!

I MISSED THE GARBAGE MAN 2 WEEKS IN A ROW!! How is this possible? It is not a man job to take the garbage to the road? 2 weeks now I have left this man job for the man and 2 weeks now the garbage man has passed without picking up my trash because the trash is still sitting in my trash can IN THE YARD.

Now I will be the first to say to my kids, "hush up...eat your poptart for dinner..there are kids in China who only wish they had poptarts." But come on! This is the worse! You can't miss the garbage man who only comes once a week! It is December. The month of extra trash. You miss a week you can't catch up! I fill that can up to the top every single week and now I have 2 weeks worth of backup. man o man o man o man....I need a nap.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Have Gas!

I love that title. I couldn't help myself.

I filled up my tank for $25.00! Who would have thought a few months ago that gas would be back around the $1.50 zone?! I'm loving it. Truly. I just want to drive around for no reason because I can. Well, not really. I hate to drive around for no reason. I hate driving around when I have a reason. But...IF I did like it then it would be great. I do have that 'too good to be true' feeling though. It makes me want to keep topping off my tank because when gas starts to go back up I will be sad again.
I think it dropped so much because I finally broke down and bought 2 of those energy saving light bulbs. Granted they were buy one get one free but still. I'm convinced that my efforts to save the planet has caused some sort of 'pay it forward' moment in the cosmos and the planet is thanking me.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Monkey In The Middle...On Strike

I did my best to wrangle up a Christmas get together date but it fell through so I'm passing the baton to someone else....

I am NOT available on the 12th or 13th or 18th (Christmas Concert)or 20th(Dad's party)

Jordan has basketball games on Tuesdays and Fridays but they are over by 5:30 so it shouldn't be a big deal

I personally do not care if we do it on a weekday but I only speak for myself. Everyone else will have to chime in on their own behalf.

Let's not put this off any longer than we have to or else it will be stressful and not fun. Focus people. If you work...check your calendar and just Say When.

Christmas Concert 2009

Jordan and Jade will be playing in the Christmas Concert on December 18 @ 7:00 p.m. at the Middle School.

You are all invited.

In The News...

I haven't watched the news much since the election because it is just too depressing but I did watch this morning because I had to see who won the run-off election yesterday in Georgia.
In case you didn't know or care, Saxby Chambliss won the run-off for state senate. This is why I love GA. We love our Republicans. I did vote because I'm a responsible citizen that way. What I didn't know is that there were 4 seperate run-off's in GA. Don't you hate voting for people you have never heard of? There were 2 seperate slots for judges and since they are suppose to be non-partisan it didn't give me any hints as to who was the guy for me so I made my decision based on the most scientific process available....I picked the guy with the most clever sign. Some guy named Brian House had all his signs made up in the shape of a house and I thought, "that's pretty clever". So I voted for him. I'm kinda thinking now that maybe he was not the right guy but if not, I blame the guy with the boring signs.

In other news...

I just heard this morning about the shooting at Toys R Us in California on Black Friday. 2 men are dead. What toy was that important people? From what I gather 2 women were fighting over something and their husbands (who were for some reason armed) jumped in a shot each other. I think the kids would have rather had their dad's for Christmas than that set of jumbo legos for $19.99. Not to mention the poor guy who was trampled at a Walmart by people trying to get to the cheap t.v.'s

What is wrong with people?!

Look, I want my kids to have a nice Christmas just like everyone else but not at the expense of others. If my kids can't get that high dollar item or if they only get a sweater and a box of goldfish, they should be thankful. If they are not then lack of money is the least of my worries. Wow, I just had a vision of what would happen if my kids only got a sweater and a box of goldfish for Christmas...shudder. We are fortunate and they usually get what they want (within reason)or need but I'm thinking this year we really need to have a sit down and remind each other why we even celebrate Christmas. I don't want my kids to grow up and be these crazy adults who feel like they have to shoot or trample their way to get to that *one thing* their kids have to have. It's madness. If I had it to do all over again I would have only gotten my kids 3 gifts a year for Christmas. It's too much pressure on parents to try and go bigger and better than the year before. Especially when they are struggling to pay their bills as it is. It's just sad. People shouldn't die over doorbusters.

That is all.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What Coffee and Tylenol PM Do Not Do

They do not cancel each other out. The coffee wins. For some reason I can drink coffee all day long and go right to sleep if I decide to take a nap but if I drink coffee after 9 p.m. it really works like coffee should work and keeps me from sleeping.
Last night I decided to counter the coffee with a dose of Tylenol PM. Ha! What now Folgers?! Did not work. I tossed and turned until about 2 a.m. So I was laying in bed and this is what my mind was thinking...

*Am I laying crooked? Because if I am laying crooked and I do finally get to sleep then the hubby will wake me up when he comes in here and make me move over, waking me up and then I won't be able to go back to sleep.

*All da girls standing in da line for da bathroom.

*Cyber Monday? I didn't get it. All I saw was an offer for free shipping. I can shop at the store and not have to pay for shipping.

*Basketball pictures Thursday...don't forget. Oh man, I meant to write something else down for Monday but didn't because I didn't think I would forget...what was it?

*I forgot to wash my face

*Where is the dog? Hope I didn't leave him outside.

*All da girls standing in da line for da bathroom.

*I hope Corinne gets voted out on Survivor this week.

*If I bought a big scarf for a Christmas gift would someone really wear it or would it be re-gifted...

*I wonder what would happen if the government just pardoned everyone's debt and let us all keep our stuff and start over. That would be great.

*All da girls...UGH! SHHHHHH.

*Not going to take Tylenol PM with coffee anymore.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Oh Yeah, That's Why

Every year I get sooo excited about the yummy food that is served at Thanksgiving and every year I ask myself, "Why don't we cook this yummy food all year long?!! It's the most yummy food on the planet and we wait until Thanksgiving to cook it..it just doesn't make sense."

And then Thanksgiving comes and I eat yummy food for Thanksgiving and the same yummy food leftovers for lunch the next day and then yummy Thanksgiving food from my mother in laws for dinner and then yummy leftover leftovers for lunch the next day..and then my kids decide we should cook yummy Thanksgiving food on Saturday for ourselves and so we do and we eat yummy food on Saturday and finish off the yummy food after church on Sunday.

If I have to eat one more plate of yummy Thanksgiving food before Thanksgiving next year I will cry and barf.

That is why we only have yummy Thanksgiving food once a year.