Thursday, August 13, 2009
As an Analyzer, you tend to seek perfect outcomes in all of your plans and projects. In many situations, you “take things apart” in your mind and think about ways to do them better. You excel at this kind of mental examination, but you may tend to see family and friends as “projects,” rather than as people.
Typical Areas of Strength
Analyzers, like you, tend to be analytical, logical, direct, confident, and they like new challenges. They excel at seeing the larger vision, creating efficient methods and procedures, and listening carefully for the facts.
Typical Areas of Struggle
Due to your tendency to focus on tasks, you sometimes show a lack of sensitivity to the feelings of family members and friends. When you are sharply focused on a task, you may come across as being overly critical, judgmental, blunt, or impatient with others.
Your Preferred Activities
To maximize your talents, you look for situations in which you can offer logical solutions to complex challenges, and you evaluate and make the necessary changes to assure the desired outcome.
Your Communication Style
You tend to provide insights and direction by teaching, managing, clarifying, and advising.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I am finally painting my walls a color that isn't in the white family. Kayla bought paint for me for my Christmas present! It takes a long time to paint walls an actual color because you have to do a good job or it will look messy which means I have to work harder to make it look good. Working hard is not my favorite...working harder is plain ridiculous. The color is brown but not chocolate brown or beige..more like a milkshake brown. Walls that make you think of ice cream cannot be a good thing. But overall I am pleased with how it is looking. However, this morning I was watching one of my favorite shows, "Design Star", and the in the preview for the next episode one of my favorite designers said, "I will gladly go home before I paint a wall brown." How am I suppose to take that? I guess until he comes over here...buys the paint...and paints the walls himself...they will just have to be brown. Besides, most of the HGTV shows tell you to go neutral! Most HGTV shows have way more to work with than I do. So W/E.
That is all for now. I am melting a little bit so I should probably go find a fan.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
They were giddy on the inside. You just can't really tell here because it was hotter than lava and they had been through 5 days of pictures already.
Rocky's new friend the tour guide man. We are not just the last people to leave the church parking lot...we are the last people to get on the track trolly too.
Picture of the girls waiting for their dad to get back on the trolly truck ... Jordan taking a nap.
It's hard to see this picture but Rocky just finished setting a new "record" on the nascar racing game thing. I think I was 4th out of 4. W/E
One of the few pictures I was in (on purpose)... you see, in Florida you can take a shower, not dry your hair and not wear make up and go anywhere you want and not stand out because people just assume you just finished swimming. It was most excellent as long as no one had a camera around. All week I told the girls, "It's vacation ladies...let your ugly hang out....no one cares" And let me tell ya, we did just that. :-)
The rest of our adventures are waiting for me to pick them up at the Walmart photo counter so you'll have to sit tight and wait until I have enough energy to travel ALL THE WAY to Walmart.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
This is the day we went to Disney. Since Kayla graduated this year we let her choose which Disney park she wanted to go to and she chose EPCOT.
This is when everyone was starting to get grumpy because the lines were getting long and we couldn't decide what we wanted to do next so we sat down to eat popcorn (because that is what you are supposed to do when you can't decide what to do.)Kayla was being a trooper. She is the only one who would smile.
A cool fountain and a random girl trying to lick her elbow
The boat ride that takes you through the "It's A Small World" show
Moroccan Belly Dancer
This is a picture I took of Rocky outside of the store in Morocco because we were waiting for Kayla to finish buying her magic genie lamp but she was inside flirting with the Moroccan sales boy so it took a while.
The only Disney characters we saw...I was a little disappointed with Mickey Mouse. You'd think that he would be all over the place since he charges so much but I didn't see him one time.
Friday, July 10, 2009
We just got back from our Florida vacation! Well not just just but a couple of weeks ago just. I have decided that the thing I do not like about vacation is getting ready to leave. The cleaning, packing, paying bills ahead of time, doing EVERYTHING a week in advance (this is just not how I operate)having to take the dog to puppy prison, oil changes, tire rotations, no money havin'...it's exhausting!
I have also decided that I feel really bad for anyone who has to drive more than 8 hours to get to the beach. We usually go to a different part of Florida so the scenery was a little different this time but I have to say...going through Alabama with their no paved road having selves was more interesting then going straight across Florida. Something you may not know about Florida...If you are not at the beach or in a tourist town there is a whole lot of NOTHING. Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything but I would never live in or around Atlanta. I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. I don't like driving OR riding through that traffic. My head hurts just thinking about it. Anyway...
Let me show some pictures...First from St. Augustine...This is where I picked to visit because I had thought a few times that it would be fun to vacation there but since we were so close I could just go see it...
We went to the Mission of Nombre De Dios Shrine of Our Lady Of La Leche. This is the only place I bought anything for myself. What did I buy you ask? Well let me tell you. You guys, they had a gift shop and in that gift shop was a container of water BUT not just any water...it was of the Holy version. So yes, I purchased a plastic flask full of Holy Water. You just don't know how excited I was/am. I got a couple of drops on my hand and it didn't burn so I'm thinking that was a good sign. Anyway, pictures...
This squirrel was posing so I took a picture.
This is the actual Mission.
I made the girls pose with a Saint.
Not sure what this building was...I was just taking pictures
So then we went to St. George's Row and did some shopping.
We saw the oldest schoolhouse but they charged admission to actually go inside and since it was the size of my bathroom I was pretty sure I wasn't going to pay someone to let me look at the inside four walls when I could look at the outside walls all I wanted to without paying a dime.
A cool fountain. I told the girls to make the face but Jordan was the only one who would play.
Ok. So then we went to the Lightner Museum
And saw a dead guy
And sniffed armpits
Flirted with pasty white guys
Posed like Super Hero's (I told the girls to pose or something so all of our pictures wouldn't look the same and this is what I got...nevermind)
And walked over a bridge
So it was really really hot and we were getting tired so after we paid $50 for 5 slices of pizza and 5 waters we decided to wrap it up at this fortress thingy..I can't remember the name. It was a place where people fought and it was made of rocks and was kinda stinky and if you ever go save your money...not really interesting at all.
Done and Over It
Gah that took me an hour to post...I'll put up more pictures tomorrow...or Monday. :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I have to say...it was pretty sad. I am not emotionally invested in this couple at all but I still felt really bad for them and those kids. I'm no expert but it doesn't look like those two really like each other anymore and that is sad because I am also pretty sure that this 'reality' show has a lot to do with it.
Jon is hating this whole reality thing. He is over it. But since he won't stand up to his wife and continues to let her treat him like her 9th child...he isn't getting out of it. So, plan B, act like a baby,abandon your husband/daddy duties and revert back to your teenage years. How's that working out for ya? Anyone else notice how rough that brother was looking on the show last night? Obviously noone is laying his clothes out for him or making sure he is eating a nutritious meal...
Kate, darling, you are great, amazing, beautiful, #1 mom...if I write that enough times would you consider dropping the show? I can't help but think that you have chosen this show and the glamour/money/benefits you receive from it over your family. You can still make appearances and write books and travel without having cameras following you around 24/7. Your kids have been living like this since they were born! Can't you give them a break? You can do like the rest of the moms on the planet and document your children growing up with blurry pictures and video that shakes because your hands won't be still! Think about it. You can't say it is for your family anymore. It's not for your husband and it's not for your kids...so who does that leave?
Not judging...just an observation. :)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
LOL @ Miles
NO NO NO NO NO
RUN RUN SHOOOOOT HIM!
JOHN? JOHN IS IN THE BOX??!! Then who is....
No Ben. DON'T!
"What about you?" HAHA oOoOoOoOo
NO! STOP WITH THE BOMB! BAD IDEA! You are NOT a variable!
The End (it took me about 3 min. to recover and un-drop my jaw.)
I have officially concluded that by the end of the final season I will either be deeply offended by the story line and launching an anti-LOST campaign or I will be amazed at the genius of it all and will have to watch it all over again from episode one just to take in all of the awesomeness of it.
In Other News...
I was lucky enough to avoid braces with Kayla. Thinking I'm not gonna be so lucky with Jordan. I'm kinda bummed about it. Her teeth aren't really jacked up but they could use some straightening.
I get annoyed at these parents who have a kid with one crooked tooth on the bottom back half of their mouth, who go out and get the kid braces and pay thousands of dollars for it. That is just dumb. One crooked tooth is not going to kill a person. But when they are front teeth you kinda have to consider it. I don't really understand why they cost so much though. We are talking about glue and metal. How much could that really cost? And the orthodontist spends what? 5 seconds tightening the braces once a month? I think we are getting ripped off.
Gah, I wish someone would come clean my house! No...it wouldn't help. I just need to have a 'throw stuff in the garbage' party. I have been watching marathons of all the HGTV decorating shows and I think I am almost ready to tackle something. I'm thinking we should have our own little challenge. What if we all picked a project we have been putting off forever and do our own little 'before and after' pictures? There would have to be a time limit because I know how unmotivated we all are...and the only prizes would be either tons of praise for a job well done or heaps of shame for those who don't finish. Sounds like fun, yes? Think about it.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Where have I been?
A. Backpacking through Europe
B. On a secret mission for the government
C. At home, spring cleaning and being a good mom who cooks a lot of food
D. At home but too lazy to blog
Well, I just watched the last episode of LOST and I have to tell ya that it is starting to look less like a mystery and more like a family reunion on Sand Mountain. Dude, everyone is related. Sisters are moms of brothers who are dads to the cousins who married the sisters. It is bizarre. I'm semi-upset about Daniel but at the same time would have picked him as the person (regular) that I read about who was going to be killed off the show this season...even though his demise made this whole episode seem pointless. I would also like to comment about the GOOFY smoke monster from the prior episode. Not that smoke monsters are not cool and all but when Ben flushed that muddy toilet to "call the monster" I was all, "really? A mud hole toilet? That was lame."
So I'm not really feeling a new theory here except for now I'm wondering what was the point of the secret smoke monster cave and the Egyptian hieroglyphics. Anyone out there read Egyptian wall art? Richard is the key. I am convinced. If I can figure out who he is and why he is then I got this. Maybe Richard is the dad of everyone on the island!
This better not end up being some kind of dumb public service announcement about how we are all related in one way or another so we should be nice to each other and stop shooting people.
Anyway, what else have I been doing....
My yard has been mowed TWICE in as many weeks.
I have been trying to do my Jillian Michaels 30 day shred workouts but I swear I am gaining weight. Of course it could be because of those ice cream snicker bars or that Burger King at 10 p.m. but still. I can now do at least 15 push-up's without falling on my face (girl style push-up's...don't judge)
I have a new favorite show to add to my favorite show list! There is this show on Discovery channel about this group of people who have been dropped in the middle of Alaska and have to hike their way out before they die from starvation, exposure, or bear. Good stuff. It comes on after Deadliest Catch, which is also on my favorite show list.
Jade's excellent amazing best field trip ever has been cancelled. They were supposed to go to Huntsville, Al tomorrow to the Space Center but since somebody was just diagnosed with the swine flu in that area they canceled the trip. Jade insists that she would rather risk getting this "Swan flu" than have to miss her field trip though. She also babbled on about how they had already paid for the charter buses so we may not get our $40 back that was paid for this trip and all I have to say about that is someone better be calling BO and asking for a special "canceled excellent field trip bus fare already paid parents need money back" stimulus package.
Jordan pulled a muscle during track practice a couple days ago and told me on the way home that her coaches said she may have "split shins" hehaha. Don't tell her I told you...she will hit me.
Kayla has decided that cute summer dresses are not the same as wearing shorts (which she has refused to wear for the past 6 summers). I think I would be way more comfortable hanging around in shorts than I would a dress but w/e...it's better than bluejeans! She is getting there.
Ralphie has figured out that after we put him in the van to drive to school we open the gate...so now, instead of being a good bratty dog and jumping right into the van...he runs to the gate to try and get out. grrr @ paininthebutt dogs.
That is all I can think of right now because Survivor is coming on in 3 min. and I have to go watch.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Wake up on the first day of Spring Break and it is 30 degrees outside and drizzling with the possibility of snow showers by Tuesday.
The kids decide that since it is Spring Break they can destroy my house more than usual and get offended when I ask them to pick up after themselves because, "Gah mom, it's Spring Break!"
Even the dog woke up this morning and decided to eat his toy basket so now we have shredded wicker all over the house as well.
2 hours after the kids finally decide to wake up they are already:
"I hate you"
"You shut up"
"I would shut up if you would shut up but since you won't shut up I won't shut up"
"You started it"
"No, you started it"
(Mom: holy cow girls...could you both just stop talking?)
"she won't stop!"
"You are the one who won't stop!"
pushing and shoving and girl fighting
(Mom: just go to your rooms, NOW!)
"Fine, I don't care"
"You ALWAYS take her side!!"
(Mom: I sent BOTH of you to your rooms!)
"But SHE started it!!"
fake crying and stomping...slamming doors
(Mom: you are both grounded)
"THIS IS NOT FAIRRRRRR!!!"
(Mom: Tell me about it. :/ )
Not Fair Indeed.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
When your mother posts a picture of you and your little sister from 5 years ago...and the outfit you were wearing then is the same outfit you wore 2 days ago...it is time to refresh your wardrobe. When you are a 36 year old mom who has a t-shirt collection that puts your teenage daughters to shame...it is time to buy some big girl clothes.
But...here is my problem. The Junior section of the store is not fit for a child over the age of 14 which means that the older teenager needs to shop in the older, still hip but fit for a young ladies body section. That my friends, only leaves the stretchy pants and embroidered hummingbird shirts. What do 30 somethings wear? You don't want to dress like a teenager (really ladies, please don't dress like a teenager..it is not attractive on them and it looks plain silly on you...)however, if the teenagers are shopping in the more adult section, there isn't anything left!
Another major turn off is when you are looking at what seems to be a nice "in-between" section and see something that you think is pretty cute and then a lady in her early 80's comes over and says, "lookie here Gladys..this is cute" and is talking about the same thing you were just looking at...it is time to go home and regroup.
I think I need Clinton and Stacey from What Not To Wear to come and throw all of my clothes away, give me a $5000 credit card and tell me what to buy. I'm not sure I would enjoy paying $750 for one pair of pants though. Someone needs to teach them how to bargain shop.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I really got a kick out of Hurley trying to figure out what was happening. He thinks a lot like me. I wonder if that is why Clair disappeared? Maybe something changed and whatever it was made Clair disappear back to the future, erm, or past? In fact, maybe all of the appearances by "dead people" weren't really dead people at all but instead people from different time periods trying to make contact or change something. Ouch...brain cramp.
I lied, I can't help myself. I have to try to figure this thing out.
It is Kate and Sawyer's fault that Ben turns out to be evil. He was supposed to die from the gunshot. Richard said that if he took him that he would no longer be the same boy and that he would lose his innocence, right? And that he would forget everything that had happened which would explain why he didn't remember any of them...Well, had Kate and Sawyer not taken Ben to them then that would not have happened. So obviously evil little boy Ben goes back and proceeds to kill them all.
Question: What was the name of the little girl that young Ben was friends with? The one who gave him a doll...? (This was from an episode a long time ago)
Monday, March 30, 2009
I know that some of you may be thinking that I am one of the crazy Jesus people who refuses to let her kids participate in the real world and that one day they will be wild because they were too sheltered. Ok. I'm cool with that. However, untrue that may be I do not mind being one of those Jesus people. And yes, I am a little touched in the head but you can't outgrow genetics people. Also, if my kids are going to be wild it will be of their own free will and not because their parents were too afraid to tell them No.
I guess I will, grudgingly, state my case on this subject because...well, because I'm a little bored right now and this is the only thing I could think of to blog about...just be clear that it is not because I feel like I should have to ever explain my parenting skillz because people, there are some Mad Skillz involved that the average brain cannot and will never be capable of comprehending. I don't hold a grudge against people who don't understand. I don't expect you to get it.
5 Reasons why my kids will not watch *T*W*I*L*I*G*H*T*
1. Because it is a PG-13 movie and my youngest kid is only 11. Not only will she most likely have nightmares about vampires for the next 3 months but she is underage and I do not want to break any Federal Laws. If you knew anything about Jade you would know that she is all about drama and needs no cinematic extravaganza of vampire lust to add to her list of things to obsess about.
2. I have made it a general rule in my own life to never subject my kids to anything, whether it be a movie or a book or piercings or bad fashion etc... that causes the type of obsessive behavior that is clearly CLEARLY present with this movie. When grown women wear "I love Edward" t-shirts or parents let their kids skip school so they can be the first ones to see the movie or you have 5 shirts in your wardrobe and 4 1/2 of them say something about TWILIGHT on them or When adults get angry with you because you won't let your kids watch the movie...there is a problem. For the record, I won't let my kids watch Cartoon Network after dark, or some Nickelodeon shows or Desperate Housewives or 99% of Lifetime Network movies or Law and Order SVU (I have a pretty long list). It is called discernment and I be usin' mine. It be my job as a mommy. I'm sure this is where someone in my past will point out that I was once in love/obsessed with Michael Jackson but I would like to argue that this only adds validity to my point. Luckily I outgrew it before he lost his nose.
3. Because so many people think I should let them watch it. Nothing deep here. Just don't like to be told what to do. :)
4. I do realize that vampires are fantasy like the wolf man, dracula, frankenstein...etc...but I do get a little eye twitch when it comes to the eternally damned and wondering if my kids are equating cheesy movies with Scripture. Just a little eye twitch but usually if the best answer I can come up with is "I don't know" the correct response is to just say "No". This could be another area that people will want to argue with me about to which I will go ahead and respond with: I don't care...Care I don't...Do I care? Nope...I careth not...Who me? Care? Don't think so. This is more of an informative post than a debate.
5. Rumor has it that the books progress into a "darker" theme and that their is a pretty descriptive sex scene further ahead. Now, I ask you this, are you someone who can watch part 1 of a 3 part movie and walk away satisfied to never watch the other 2 parts? Don't lie. You know you can't. So how and why would I expect my young daughters to be satisfied with the not so bad first movie knowing that I will have to fight them later when the a little worse and then the flat out not gonna happen movies come out? Why would I want to do that?
Guys, it is a vampire movie. Watch it, buy the t-shirts, marry Edward...I don't care.... I just think I will sit this one out. I truly do not believe that my kids are going to suffer if they miss this movie. If you are seeing red right now and your ears are pouring steam you may want to relax a little bit and try to figure out why you are so bent out of shape because I won't let my kids watch this movie. Think about it.
P.S. - I would be a liar if I didn't admit to be obsessed with certain shows. If you truly need to add meaning and depth to your life you should try watching the BACKYARDIGANS on Nick Jr. Best show ever!
P.P.S. - I did turn off comments for this post because it is not intended to call out any one person but to share with the planet, or the 3 people who will read this, the reasons why it is pointless to continue to TWILIGHT me. I am not calling into question anyone's character or saying that those who watch this movie are making a bad decision. I know a few perfectly brilliant Christian families that have let their kids watch this movie and have no negative feelings towards that decision at all. It really is a matter of opinion. My concern is less about this movie than the next one or the one after that. I'm just planning ahead. My decision was made before Thanksgiving of last year (before the movie but after the book obsession) so this post is not a reaction to any one event but a compilation of several TWILIGHT episodes over the past 6 months. So please do not get your feelings hurt because you think I am talking about or to you. I am talking to Edward and he understands.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
First Kid: We will call him boy #2 because Lisa numbers her kids instead of calling them by name.
He was over at my house and needed to go to the bathroom. Nothing exciting about that. When he came out of the bathroom he said: "You need to call Bob Villa". And walked off. You have to understand that this kid never speaks and yet he felt compelled to point out to me the sad state of disrepair my bathroom was in. Message for Boy #2: It still looks the same way...5 years later. :p
Second Kid: This was the grandkid of a neighbor who used to come over and play with my girls.
This kid walked into my living room and said, "Are y'all havin' a yard sale?" I know you are wondering what the big deal is. The big deal is that NO we were not having a yard sale. I just had piles of clothes, dishes, dvd's, shoes etc... all over the living room and this kid thought we were having a yard sale when in reality that was just our everyday stuff that we walk on, over or around.
This weekend Jade had a friend spend the night and my house ate her cell phone. I can't find it anywhere! Of course, you really don't have a 'starting place' when it comes to looking for something around here because it is all one giant mess.
I tell you this because for those of you to whom I say, "My house is a mess", I would respectfully ask that you not say, "Oh, it's ok...so is mine" when we all know that your definition of mess is: dust, vaccuum, empty trash...and mine is: I lost my dog somewhere..I can hear him whining but I can't pinpoint which pile he is under.
Think of it this way: If my kid wanted to spend the night at your house and your house looked like my house looks all the time, I wouldn't let them come over there. :)
My mess can beat up your mess.
Is it because I haven't brushed my hair? Is there a dress code to attend this shindig? Are my theories better than the ones the writers have thought up and they are feeling intimidated?
I am fixing to just hop on a plane and go to the island and just ask Sawyer what has been going on. He'll tell me....(after he makes fun of me and calls me names)
I guess I will just have to invest in a pair of headphones and hook up the laptop at church in the Pastors office and catch up. Don't think I won't!
In Other News...
Jordan ran her first track meet yesterday. She was scheduled to run in 3 events but since there isn't a coach in this entire area that is qualified to do the job they sign up for it was unorganized and chaotic so they decided to cut the last event. Anyway, she was running the 400...(I wasn't there because I had other kids to pick up from work and take home and so forth and so on...just say what you are thinking, "Bad Mommy!") Where was I? Oh, she was running the 400...Now here is where I need to give a back story.
Jordan said that her coaches told them that they needed running shoes with spikes and that it was ok not to have them for the first meet but Jordan is not very patient and she hearts new shoes so she went ahead and found some. Now, for those of you who do not know, the spikes are metal and you can only wear the metal spikes on grass or rubber tracks (please don't ask what the heck a rubber track is because I am just repeating what I was told and have absolutely no knowledge on the subject..just work with me)
anyway, she asked her coaches if the shoes were ok and they said yes. So...she put the spikes on her shoes and got ready for the race. This was a full on track meet...hurdle jumping and all...so she was there for almost 3 hours before the race she was in started (that tidbit has no relevance to my story at all)
Finally, it was time for her race. She started in the back of the pack but before she got to the 3rd turn she was in 2nd and about to take 1st...and then...she fell! The stupid track was stupid asphalt and the dumb underqualified coaches didn't think to mention that or didn't know or didn't care or maybe aren't even coaches at all but just a couple of random parents with whistles...(I have underqualified coach turrets.) So of course when the spikes got hot the shoes got slick and my kid did a number on her kneecap and her ankle.
Que: "Chariots of Fire" song....
This, my friends, is why my kid is better than your kid... Instead of renting her clothes, gnashing her teeth and curling up in the fetal position wailing like a baby, MY KID picked herself up and finished running her race...gimped up ankle, bloody knee and all. Granted it was probably pride that kept her from crying and quitting and we all know that pride cometh before the fall...BUT...in this case the fall cameth before the pride so I'm pretty sure that is ok. :D
Now I get to go buy my kid some new running shoes before the next track meet because I'm sure we are all now aware that the underqualified coaches have no idea which shoes should be worn on which track and since the only solution to that problem that I can think of is to put metal spikes on their shoes and insist they run around the track to see if they slide and bust their face on it...it is better to be safe than sorry (sorry for causing a huge scene if my kid falls again because I will and people will cry and it won't be anyone related to me) Amen.
Friday, March 20, 2009
So I get my short boots and am all looking forward to wearing them with my new dress pants. I got all ready and the boots looked good but then I sat down and the pants shrank up above my ankles. :( I don't usually lose my cool just because my ankle is showing but when you add short boots and short pants you get a whole bunch of ugly. Add to the fact that I don't usually invest much time or thought into sock shopping so I just had on my regular all white ankle socks. Now picture it. Short boots, short pants, white ankle socks sticking out of short boots. Pretty sure that picture hasn't been in any fashion magazines lately.
I'm so sad! Now I have to go and buy dress pants that are 'long' just so I can wear my short boots. I don't like to wear pants that are so long I walk on them. It's annoying!
So if there is anyone out there who is looking to buy boots, remember: short boots/long pants...long boots/short pants...and buy colored socks so you won't look like a hillbilly.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I cannot get ABC to load the last LOST episode! Maybe I should reboot my computer? Everything else works. Lisa sent me a text last night about jumpsuits and Jack and Workman and now I'm all, "dang, I might have to rethink my theory" but I can't watch it to see what is going on! I will save it until I am able to watch the show. I'm sure there is a special secret hint in there just for me.
Bugs. A bee flew by my head this morning! Isn't it too early for bees? GAH! I hate bees. AND that is not the worst thing. Jade said she found a TICK in the bathroom (of course she crushed the life out of the little beast and flushed it but still..) I also found a tick crawling on my dog a few days ago. Do you know how many ticks I have seen in my life? Maybe 2. But already this year I have seen 2. That makes me itchy and paranoid. What if I have a tick? Maybe that is why my blood doesn't flow!
I have never had a seasonal preference because it's always springtime in my house no matter what the weather is outside..however, now I think I hate summer/spring because of bugs and bees and fleas and ticks and hotness and sweat and lawn mowing and flip flopping (I love flipflops I just can't stand hearing them flip and flop) and how obvious it becomes that I don't have a tan and leg shaving and having to match your toe polish with your clothes and bathing suit shopping.
I don't care who wins this basketball thingie...what I do care about is that you are putting this dumb basketball thingie in the place of some of my favorite shows. Don't you have your own special sport channel for stuff like this? I guess I will be able to get more stuff done around the house until your giant ball dribblers finish throwing the little orange ball into the nets but next year you should really consider showing it on CNN or PBS. I never watch those channels. Thanks.
I accidentally left the news channel on this morning and heard BO's (Barak Obama) voice. I'm starting to understand the people who couldn't watch George W talk. However, at least my W. was entertaining. BO just gets up there and says, "I am wonderful...you people are dumb...I can say HOPE and you all fall at my feet...I am a pretty man...You people are suckers...I won...you are all losers...I am running the country into the ground and putting us into so much debt that the United States will no longer be a super power and will have no voice in world affairs because we will have to ask China for permission to speak because they own us! If you love my decisions it is all me...if you hate them, it was someone else's fault...I have no idea what I am doing...blahdy blahdy blah I'm amazing. Now cheer for me so I can go pick my favorites to win the basketball tournament while you all try to figure out how you are going to buy groceries this week...."
I'm not sure if that was an exact quote... but that's how I heard it. :)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Instead it takes me 30-45 min. to fall asleep and a pot of coffee & 3-4 hours after I get out of bed to completely wake up and feel alert enough to function.
So I have been trying to figure out how to manage my sleep schedule to best fit my day.
The whole time I was on Lisa's retreat I went to bed early-ish (as early as someone can go to bed when Lisa has the microphone haha) so when I woke up I wouldn't be grumpy and would have enough sleep to be sociable. That was ok except I missed most of the social time because I was in the bed trying to get enough sleep to be social. I know. By 10 p.m. I was done and ready for bed again and it was because I was missing my afternoon nap! So going to bed early and getting up early doesn't suit me....
Next I have tried to go to bed a little later (11ish) and get up early (6ish-to take the kids to school) and nap around noon. Well that is all fine and good but it totally takes away a third of my day when I have no distractions and a little peace and quiet. That's no good.
Then I tried the whole 11 bedtime and 6 get up time with a 4 p.m. nap. That works out pretty good except then I am not sleepy until around 1 a.m. and still have to get up at 6 a.m. to get the kids off to school or sleep late and pull into the school parking lot sideways...tires squealing...saying "if you run to class you may get in there before the bell rings!!" but since I only had 5-6 hours of sleep I wake up sleepy and even if I don't take a nap until 4 I am useless because I am too tired to do anything.
This morning I just said forget it...I'm going back to bed as soon as I watch the episode of Amazing Race that I missed on Sunday. That is what I did and I slept until noon. Grrr. The dog was supposed to wake me up around 10 but he fell asleep too so he is useless. There is no accountability in this house.
So anyway. That is my issue for the day. I still haven't figured it out. I just wish I could sleep all morning and stay up all night. I don't like morning or anything associated with morning. Except sunshine. If the sun could shine at night that would be great.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Let's start with my favorite quote:
"We have these huge buts with all this nasty stuff trailing behind them"
This little gem came straight from Lisa on the last days session. Now taken out of context it is probably one of the most hilarious things I have ever heard. Being the good sister that I am, I shared this with Lisa after it was over. Just trying to be a blessing Lis. :) This is why you should never take things out of their original context. haha.
Keeping things in context is a different story. I can honestly say that I have heard many people speak and after sitting through this weekends study...my sister has some mad skillz! I can usually tell how well a speaker or preacher does by looking at my notes later. I am a doodler. If you lose my attention or if I get bored or you are just plain bad at what you do, I will have lots and lots of pictures, creative ways to write my name, circle chains, flowers etc... doodled all over my paper. However, after sitting through 4 sessions that lasted about an hour each time I only had one, "C"...one "Christi" and one "Circle chain" That only totals about 5 min. of mind wandering. That is amazing! God has truly taken Lisa's gift of gab and turned it into a ministry. She did an excellent job. People get paid to do what she did this weekend that do not do it as well as she does. I'm really glad I went and will probably be pondering on this study for several more weeks. Buts and all.
If it were me trying to lead a ladies Bible study it would last about 20 seconds and all I would be able to say is:
Jesus loves you
Stop being silly
Go and sin no more
Now, I'm breaking out in hives so enough with the sister love.
Let's move on to the after hour parties......(Keep in mind that these are Lisa's people)
There is a whole 'pee on yourself' story that goes along with this picture that Lisa might want to explain. lol Yes, those are Depends undergarments.Lisa speaking....
Lisa gagging? Sorry Lisa, this is one of my favorite pictures. I couldn't not post it. :))
The ladies who cooked the delicious food...
This is Ms. Greene. She is 79 and I want to be her when I grow up!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I have to give it to the school system. They really know how to get a kid to sell overpriced items to family and friends. I'm usually opposed to all things fundraiser which is why you normally do not have to buy things from my kids but this time they were on a mission and there was no stopping them. They were promised a party for those who sold at least 5 tubs and a prize for those who sold at least 10. So, of course that was the goal and while Jade didn't make the 10 mark she hit the 5 so it was all good.
As it turns out, the party was an after-school event which if you ask me defeats the purpose of a party because what is a school reward party if you can't skip a class to go to it?! So on top of the inconvience of selling and the constant pestering from my kids, I had to postpone my day even more to pick them up late from school. When I picked them up they said, "that party was lame, all we did was eat chips and play video games." They do that every day at home. To make matters worse, the "prize" Jordan got for selling 10 tubs of overpriced cookie dough was this little plastic toy that I could have bought at the dollar store.
But, I guess it was for the good of the school so I can't complain much. I just think that if kids are going to ask people for money they should have something amazing to offer like house cleaning or yard work. Something useful. Or it could be that I'm just no fun and am not a team player. Yeah, probably that.
I am also going to tell you how the first day at the new church went but am kinda waiting for this guy to send me some pictures so I can have a little show and tell. I took my camera but have a hard time with taking pictures in church. My camera doesn't do well without the flash and it's pretty distracting to have a flash going off during church so I didn't take any pictures.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Or maybe I really am an athlete. Maybe what I do every day is all they do everyday and all this exercise stuff is just hype!
Since I now know that my blood pressure probably rivals that of Michael Phelps, I will go take a nap and relax for a while.
Monday, February 23, 2009
I know! Right?!
Jack - if I were knowingly getting on a plane that is going to drop out of the sky and end up on a mysterious moving island I would not wear a suit! Really Jack? A suit? Did you learn nothing from your last adventure? You could have at least wore layers so you could share some of your freshly laundered clothing with those people who were not fortunate enough to get off the island. You should have also stuffed your pockets with some sort of tasty treats for those who were left behind. Maybe some everlasting gobstoppers? Those last a while. Also, what if that note had said, "JACK DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT GET ON THAT PLANE!" You would have felt a little silly, right? You should never not read notes from dead guys before trying to crash land on an invisible island. That should be in a rule book somewhere.
Kate - I'm beginning to dislike you and your moodiness.
Sun - You are not a super hero. Why would you leave your child with your mother when you know your dad whom you hate will end up raising said child if you do not return? Yeah, too late to ponder that now.
Hurley - You would be my best friend in real life.
Sayid - You are second only to Desmond. I'm glad they let you get back on the plane!
Now, here's what I think....I think Kate is pregnant now. This is because she didn't take the baby back to the island but to recreate the whole scenario as much as possible there needed to be a baby going back. Also, I believe that Ben killed Penny. He promised her dad that he would kill Penny since his dad was responsible for killing his (not really) daughter. I know he was all bloody and beat up looking but Ben is shady. He probably beat himself up after he killed her. And why is it noone asked what happened to his face? Anyway, that was the thing he had to go do after he left the church. That would also support my theory that baby Charlie is Charlie charlie because something happens to Penny and Desmond. I believe Desmond will find Penny dead and come back to the island later to kill Ben because really, how much of a show is left if we can't see Desmond?
That is about all I felt like needed to be said. We'll see what happens this week!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Kayla is not the best shopper. I look and she follows me. Literally. She follows me around the store without looking at anything for herself. Just follows. Weirdo. I did make her go browse by herself but that only lasted about 3 min. until she decided there was nothing she was interested in. Movin' on...
When we go out just the two of us...and have money...we always eat somewhere we have never eaten before so we can have something different and maybe find a new favorite place to eat in the future. Today we went to 'The Mud Pie'. It was underwhelming. It wasn't bad but it wasn't memorable either. Kinda bland. Thumbs down. Next.
Our plans were to walk across the bridge, we were on the Coolidge park side, and check out the other side of the river but it was getting close to school being out and I wasn't sure if Rocky would get my message to pick up the girls and I really didn't want to get halfway across the river and have to run back across to get to the school in time...so we left.
On the way home we stopped at the LaDean shop to see what kind of prom dresses they had. Ummm, no. Dude, when you have prom dresses with tons of sequins on them you can hang them next to each other without putting them in bags. You wouldn't believe how many dresses were damaged. Bad business. She tried on a couple and decided she wasn't going to the prom..lol.. Don't you love how trying on clothes makes girls want to just go back home, get in their p.j's and forget about going anywhere again...ever? The lady who worked there had her little girl with her. She was pretty hilarious. She kept asking if I wanted a "bar". I had no idea what she was talking about so I said, "no, thanks" Turns out she was selling candy bars. I still didn't want any but she did manage to sell 4 to a nice man who was getting fitted for a tux. After he bought them the little girl proceeded to tell him that his "butt looked big in those pants". Then she told her mom that she wanted to go watch t.v. because "her neck hurts because she has been wearing it all day"
I did manage to get ahold of Rocky and he agreed to pick up the girls so we went back to Chattanooga to finish what we had started. We went to the Hunter Museum and looked at the art stuff. It was pretty cool for the most part. I'm not entirely sure that the old mansion part of the museum is safe though. We went up to the third floor and I'm tellin' ya, those floors did not feel stable. They were creaking and seemed to be sinking when you took a step. I told Kayla that the people on the second floor were probably wondering who those fatties were on the third floor making all that noise. It was fun but like the Aquarium it is one of those places you could go to once a year and that would be plenty.
We got to walk around the Art District. I have decided that the only thing you need to do to be considered artsy is to braid your unbrushed hair into pigtails...throw on a crocheted beanie hat and some pointy glasses and you're in the club. I also saw one girl's entire butt. Not on purpose. I actually gasped because it caught me off guard. She was sitting in one of those outdoor restaurants and her whole butt was hanging out of the back of her pants. Whole butt. Sadly I have become accustomed to seeing crack so that doesn't phase me much anymore but entire butt's should not be shown in public. I don't care if you are an artist. That is ugly.
hmmmm. what else...
We walked down to the Aquarium in search of a Cold Stone Creamery but couldn't find one. I'm pretty sure there is one down there somewhere but it was getting late and I didn't want to be caught 5 miles from my car when the sun started going down so Kayla bought us an ice cream from Ben and Jerry's and we headed home.
Tomorrow I get to stay home and try yet again to get the funk out of my carpet. If it doesn't work I am ripping them up.
That is all.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
After watching the last episode and learning that Desmond's son is named Charlie I started thinking that his son Charlie might be the original Charlie in baby form. Now before you tell me I'm crazy think about it. Daniel, the scientist guy, said in one of the shows that for some reason...and he wasn't sure why...Desmond wasn't affected by all the strangness that was happening which is why Daniel was able to talk to Desmond and tell him to find his mom. Right? So, while Desmond met Charlie on the island and became BFF's with him, until Charlie died, then it is possible that Desmond was in the future at the time without knowing it and was in reality hanging out with his grown son Charlie. I'm just assuming that he named his kid Charlie in memory of his friend Charlie but in the land of Lost that could be a part of the giant circle of confusion.
The only thing that makes me think I might be wrong is that Charlie had an older brother that was in his band and Desmond doesn't have any other children BUT maybe Charlie was adopted and didn't know it because something is going to happen to Desmond and Penny because Penny's dad is a nut job. Confused yet? Me too.
On a totally different note:
I shampooed my carpets a few days ago over and over in the same spot because they were just that gross and it took until today for them to get dry but now my carpet smells like feet!! haha. Why does my carpet smell like feet? Not just my carpet but the whole room smells like feet. Yet another reason why we never have company over. They would be all, "why does this room smell like feet?" and I would be all, "it didn't stink until you got here so maybe you are smelling yourself?!"
I need new floors. Rocky says that I shouldn't shampoo them so much because they shouldn't be wet like that...they could get moldly but I'm thinking you should have seen the water after I shampooed them. We are obviously going to die from gross carpets no matter what I do.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Chocolate is yummy but those boxes of Valentines heart shaped boxes full of mixed chocolates are gross. You get 30 pieces of chocolate, eat 5, and have finger holes in the rest (because that is the only way you can tell what they are). If I were a box of mixed chocolate maker I would make boxes with only caramel, almond, plain milk chocolate and crunch. Dark chocolate should be against the law along with unsweet tea.
Going out to eat on a normal day is annoying but on Valentine's Day it is impossible. Why does everyone have to eat steak on Valentine's Day? It is not romantic to have to stand in line for an hour and a half to get food. Since when does, "I love you", translate into a medium well slab of beef with a side of garlic potatoes? You should feed the people you love all year long.
Jewelry is great but I would much rather you save your money and take me on a trip...but not on February 14th because it is cold and I don't like to be cold.
Better yet, bring home a couple of pizzas and a movie. That would be amazing and would cost less than $20.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
They will be voting on him February 15th I think but they have talked lots and it's pretty much a done deal. It will be bi-vocational but I think that makes me happy because I'm not a huge fan of change. Just ask my wardrobe. This way he can keep working in this new steady job with insurance but still pastor.
We have been up there a couple of times and the people are really nice. We even ate at this one lady's house (I'm pretty sure she has a name but it wasn't "Wally" so I don't remember it...)I'm just gonna tell ya, she knows how to cook food.
It seems far away but it only takes me 30 min. or so to get there and the drive is very easy. Most people drive that far to work every day and I'll only be driving it a couple days a week. Plus, if you subtract the amount of time it takes me to get to my church now...it will only take an additional 20 min to get to the new one. Can you tell I have been trying to rationalize the driving time in my head? Wally.
So there ya go!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My Friend: So Christi, I have been trying to call you all week now but you won't answer your phone and you won't call me back.
Me: Well My Friend, I don't usually have my volume on.
My Friend: Why?
Me: Because I went to a comedy show a couple of months ago and there was this hypnotist there and now every time I hear a phone ring I bark like a dog and shove a banana in my ear.
My Friend: Seriously?
Me: Nah, Just kidding.
My Friend: I left you a voicemail
Me: Don't check those either.
My Friend: Well that is ridiculous. Why have a phone then? I think you need to stop being like that and turn up the volume on your phone.
Me: Well I think you should turn the volume down on your mouth.
My Friend: Fine, I will just come to your house.
Me: You were not invited and I won't answer the door. I'm not even sure I like you.
My Friend: Well I am very sure I do not like you.
Me: Great. Glad we agree.
My Friend: Oops. I'm late for choir practice. Call me tomorrow?
Me: Of Course!
I have a hard time transitioning into seriousness so I'm thinking I should just start my conversations with the intention of being completely serious and fight the urge to say things that will make other people ask if I am being serious. I really don't want to scare these poor new people or make them cry or have Rocky come home and say, "there were 138 complaints in the complaint box at church this morning and guess how many of them have your name in the subject line?"
Then I would be all like:
Are you serious?
and he would be all:
(insert face of despair and disappointment)
and I would be all:
I was kidding!
and he would be all:
Christi, you can't be telling people that "The Message" bible was written by the devil. They didn't know you were kidding.
Then I would be all:
I wasn't kidding.
and he would be all:
and then I would say:
Nah, just kidding.
See how complicated that could get?
Monday, January 26, 2009
This is the AMAZING HAAN. It is a steamer mop that according to the infomercial kills every germ within a 2 mile radius. It could have been purchased (if I would have called within the first 5 min. after the show) for the low low price of $99.99. But wait! Just to make it easier they will break that up into 3 easy to pay installments of $33.33. They are practically giving it away, right?!
And then I would have bought this...
This is the Best of Philosophy skin care which can be found at bestofphilosophy.com..clever eh? They didn't have me at hello on this one. I had to watch it a little longer than the other one just because I'm pretty convinced that most skin care products are the same just some are more expensive. But then they said, "This item was featured as one of Oprah's favorite things a few years ago". Umm, Hello? Oprah loves it! SOLD! Don't get me wrong. I am far from being an Oprah follower. Don't even watch the show. However, this woman has e-ver-y-thi-ng and I'm guessing isn't easily impressed so when she says it is one of her favorite things I pay attention! I bought the flip video for Kayla because it was one of Oprah's favs and I have to tell ya, it is one of my favorite things too! Oh, so it was offered at the introductory price of $29.95 but that is just for the trial sizes.
And lastly, (mostly because it was time to take the kids to school) I would have bought this...
Yeah, Jillian Michaels has teamed up with NordicTrack and they have this new cool treadmill that includes these cool workout cards designed by Jillian to make you cry alot and possibly vomit. I would probably buy anything exercisey she peddled, if I were an exerciser, because she is a beast and shows no mercy. I admire that. This would have only set me back $1599.00 but I'm pretty sure that is without tax and shipping.
Luckily, none of this was an option and it was time to drop the kids off. By the time I got home I was able to settle into my regular programming while I drank a gallon of coffee.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
"What an opportunity we have to change this country," the Democrat told his senior staff the day after his inauguration. "The American people are really counting on us now. Let's make sure we take advantage of it." And take advantage of it he has!
"On Thursday and Friday, Obama, with an executive pen in his left hand, overruled eight years of Bush administration policies, signing several executive orders on national security and abortion funding."
I will not tell you how thrilled sarcasm intended...IF I was talking about this I am that during this time of financial trouble when people are struggling to pay their bills, have lost their house and/or their job, ...our new president considers sending tax payer dollars overseas to help them kill babies, one of his first and most important priorities.
And while I'm not talking about it I'm wondering how shutting down a prison that is full of terrorists (just to appease people in other countries who hate us) and bringing those terrorists into the United States makes sense. Aren't we supposed to be trying to keep them out?
This is certainly the CHANGE I expected. It isn't looking any different to me. Ok, well maybe he looks better in swim trunks than George W would and his kids are adorable but that is about it. I'm just going to go sit in the corner and HOPE this country is strong enough for the CHANGE. I don't think anyone wants the man to fail. I just want him to hurry up and finish paying back his supporters and get his advisors to tell him how to handle the real important issues.
I am done not talking about this.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
awwww, that is his scared look...just kidding buddy.
install a new door knob which I would have done a long time ago had it occurred to me that we have 3 doorknobs just waiting to be installed. Why do we have a supply of spare doorknobs you ask? Talk to the closet doors that have been sitting on my back porch for 4 years waiting to be put in. My next project. :D
So anyway, I did it all by myself! Without directions because the directions were too confusing and mostly in a foreign language.
Now you can start happy dancing.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I have tried to avoid the news lately because I can't decide whether to laugh or be frightened. Most in the media are acting like they are 3 years old and just got a pony for Christmas. The problem is, you grow up and realize the pony leaves large piles of poo in the yard and smells bad. The fantasy never really lives up to the reality. After catching a little bit of the euphoria from the crowds of people who caught a glimpse of our new Rock Star Prez on the news yesterday this video came to mind and it cracked me up. Tell me this doesn't remind you of the cult-like followers of Obama. Oh, and Obama would be the leopluradon that makes a noise but never really says anything and of course candy mountain represents the illusion he is trying to sell us. Guess I will be Charlie. haha.
Now, I'm going to find a hobby.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Let me know!
Friday, January 16, 2009
7 is a lucky number
7 is the name of a scary movie
7 is how many days there are in a week
7 is the balance of my checking account
7 should not be a temperature!
That is all I have to say about that.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I walked into the grocery store last night thinking in my mind that I just had to get some tea, coffee, bread and cheese and you'll never guess what they did. There was a giant display of every variety of Doritos you can imagine AND it was buy 1 get 2 free! Buy 1 Get 1 free I could have probably resisted but get 2 free?! Heck no. I'm talking the display was right in front of the door. You had to walk around it to get inside. All that was left was to decide which kind I was getting!
This is where it gets ugly... I got one of those bags with 2 flavors mixed, the Chipotle Ranch and Zesty Taco..mmmmmm. My lack of willpower combined with the addictive crunch of Doritos topped with my love of all things Taco was a disaster waiting to happen and it did. Dude, I ate the whole bag. Yeah. Well, minus maybe 2-3 servings between Jordan/Jade/Ralphie (you have to feed him equal amounts of whatever you eat because he stares at you with those giant eyeballs until you give in). But yeah, the whole bag of Doritos. Shameful. I didn't even bother to eat a sandwich with them to make it appear as though it was a semi meal. And you know that it is a cosmic rule that when you eat something salty you have to wash it down with something chocolate-y. So I also had a nutty bar. ha! Dang. But yeah, that was dinner.
I'm wondering if I could sue Dorito for making a taco flavored chip. They have to know that there are people like me out there who will find that combination irresistible and eat entire bags in one sitting. I'm pretty sure Jillian Michaels would be really unhappy with me right now. I did do that one workout but I'm pretty sure a bag of Doritos and a Nutty Bar cancelled that out pretty quick. Hmmm, but, if you figure that in with the calories I saved by skipping the sandwich and washing it down with a DIET coke then maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all that bad, yes?
Speaking of Nutty Bars, I'm getting pretty tired of all this salmonella stuff getting into my peanut butter. First of all, how the heck does it keep getting in there? Maybe the people who work there had eggs for breakfast and didn't wash their hands afterwards. Maybe it is a terrorist attack on peanut butter loving Americans. I don't know. I just know that by the time I hear about the recalls I have already consumed that peanut butter sandwich or those peanut butter crackers that go really well with my morning coffee. I just think it will really stink if my cause of death is tainted peanut butter. On the other hand it would make for a pretty hilarious tomb stone
She was killed
by Peanut Butter
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Chapter One: I Thought About Getting Up...Once
I mentioned a little something about not feeling well last week but I never found out what was wrong with me. Mainly because I'm positive that as soon as I finally walk into a Doctors office they will inform me that I have 7 different types of disease and 2 of them are deadly....p.s. you have less than a month to live. Who wants to hear that? Yeah, not me either.
So I wasn't on my death bed but I was feeling pretty lousy. It wasn't a sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I couldn't rest sickness...it was more of a I Just Don't Feel Good And Have No Desire Or Enough Energy To Move From The Bed To The Couch Today So I Will Just Stay In Bed kind of sickness. I'm pretty sure I caught someone's germs from all of the holiday festivities or food poisoning or I ate way too much sugar over the holidays for the not yet discovered diabetes I'm sure that I have (I know you are thinking that I sound like Nikki so I feel like I should point out that we differ in that I do not search for illness nor do I seek out Doctors to confirm my illnesses. I am just sure I have them and that is all. Big Difference) So Anyway, I finally started to regain some energy which leads me into Chapter 2...
Chapter 2: The Really Good Bad Idea
After I finally built up enough energy to make it from the bed to the couch I was flipping through some channels and saw Exercise T.V. Now usually I would just watch and think to myself
these people really have no life...don't they know that if they ever stop exercising all of that muscle will to turn to junk and they will look like everyone else? Who wants to be held captive to that kind of forced program and how much of their life have they wasted just so they can look amazing in case what? In case they are ever naked in public? Or maybe they might be chased by a serial killer and they want to make sure their endurance is high enough to outrun them...or maybe they just want to look cute in their clothes but really, you will be old one day and noone will care how cute you were in your clothes and all that time you spent at the gym could have been spent doing something fun like watching people on t.v. exercise. Just please don't tell me it is because you want to be healthy because I heard on the news that cell phones can give you brain cancer as well as french fries, microwaves and breathing air...
Anyway, on this day I saw Jillian Michaels (?) from the Biggest Loser on there and she has her own 30 min. workout. I was feeling a bit froggy so I decided I would try it out to see how hard it was. Well, I did it. All 30 min. of it. No big deal. That was Monday. I am still walking like a grandma. And Now, I don't feel good again!!! This exercise stuff lowered my immune system and the mystery disease is coming back. Now, not only can I not walk right or raise my arms above my head, I'm tired again. Of course it could also be because of stress...Chapter 3.
Chapter Three: The Heavyset Lawman
Here's where I confess that I am a law breaker. I have not renewed my tags since last year on my birthday. Before you judge me, the economy has been bad and we have just been trying to live with does not include paying a ridiculous amount of money to the woman at the tag office, who always smells like fried chicken, for a STICKER to put over the 20 other stickers on my tag. Call it a form of protest.
So anyway, I have been evading the law for the past 9 months. It is exhausting. Last night I had to stop on my way home from CHURCH to grab a jar of spagetti sauce to use for dinner. That is relevant because had I not stopped I would have gotten home without incident. I made it all the way to the road I turn on and he got me. The stupid stinkin' blue lights came on and I knew I was busted. I didn't get nervous I got mad. I drive like a grandma. I always make complete stops at the stop signs. I slow down on yellow lights. I drive in the slow lane and never go more than 5 miles over the speed limit and yet here I am getting pulled over.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
What is worse, Jordan and Jade were with me. No, that made it hilarious! They have never been pulled over before. I thought Jade was going to have a panic attack. Good Stuff.
Moving on. The cop was some 12 year old heavyset guy who probably has his mother iron his uniform for him in the mornings. I probably could have worked myself into a pitiful mess and told him a sad story and maybe gotten away with a warning but pride set in and I just could not do it.
He was all.."I pulled you over because you have an expired tag"
And I was like, "Oh."
That was it. OH.
What I was thinking was..Really Mr. Heavyset Lawman? Really. You have nothing better to do than pull over mom's in minivans to give them a ticket that will probably cost more than the tag renewal? Are there not any illegal aliens you could be pursuing or does your mom not allow you in those types of neighborhoods? You know, that nice lady that walks up and down in front of the gas station on the Blvd. in her torn fish net stockings and pleather mini skirt is not there to buy gas or a newspaper. Maybe you could go harass her for a while, yes? Oh, no. No, because if you were to look for real criminals you might miss out on all the good stuff like pulling over old ladies because they drive too slow or asking that fellow who hangs out in front of the grocery store to "move along" because he is bothering the customers. I wouldn't want you to break a sweat. You do realize though that if you were to be chased by a serial killer that you are not in good enough shape to outrun him, right? I have the perfect workout for you.
He kinda paused for a second waiting for me to wail like a girl and beg for forgiveness but this kid wasn't getting it from me. My luck he would have let me pitch my fit and still given me a ticket...
I think that there should be a law that having 2 out of 3 required documents to drive should get you off with a warning. I had a license and insurance I was just missing the sticker from the chicken lady.
Well, when I started I was thinking that there were 4 or 5 chapters to this book but my illness is forcing me to return to my bed and be pitiful for the rest of the night. Maybe I will remember what the rest was tomorrow.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous week!