Monday, March 30, 2009


I have found 2 websites you can use (free of charge) to check out the contents of movies, books etc... before you watch, buy or rent


The Vampire Slayer

Yes, that is me. I am the one person I know that has not let my kids watch *****T*W*I*L*I*G*H*T***** Apparently this translates into me being unreasonable and overprotective. Does anyone besides me see a pattern emerging here? I should sell t-shirts and start a club. OPUM - OverProtective Unreasonable Mom - Club. If I weren't the founder I would definitely be a member.

I know that some of you may be thinking that I am one of the crazy Jesus people who refuses to let her kids participate in the real world and that one day they will be wild because they were too sheltered. Ok. I'm cool with that. However, untrue that may be I do not mind being one of those Jesus people. And yes, I am a little touched in the head but you can't outgrow genetics people. Also, if my kids are going to be wild it will be of their own free will and not because their parents were too afraid to tell them No.

I guess I will, grudgingly, state my case on this subject because...well, because I'm a little bored right now and this is the only thing I could think of to blog about...just be clear that it is not because I feel like I should have to ever explain my parenting skillz because people, there are some Mad Skillz involved that the average brain cannot and will never be capable of comprehending. I don't hold a grudge against people who don't understand. I don't expect you to get it.

5 Reasons why my kids will not watch *T*W*I*L*I*G*H*T*

1. Because it is a PG-13 movie and my youngest kid is only 11. Not only will she most likely have nightmares about vampires for the next 3 months but she is underage and I do not want to break any Federal Laws. If you knew anything about Jade you would know that she is all about drama and needs no cinematic extravaganza of vampire lust to add to her list of things to obsess about.

2. I have made it a general rule in my own life to never subject my kids to anything, whether it be a movie or a book or piercings or bad fashion etc... that causes the type of obsessive behavior that is clearly CLEARLY present with this movie. When grown women wear "I love Edward" t-shirts or parents let their kids skip school so they can be the first ones to see the movie or you have 5 shirts in your wardrobe and 4 1/2 of them say something about TWILIGHT on them or When adults get angry with you because you won't let your kids watch the movie...there is a problem. For the record, I won't let my kids watch Cartoon Network after dark, or some Nickelodeon shows or Desperate Housewives or 99% of Lifetime Network movies or Law and Order SVU (I have a pretty long list). It is called discernment and I be usin' mine. It be my job as a mommy. I'm sure this is where someone in my past will point out that I was once in love/obsessed with Michael Jackson but I would like to argue that this only adds validity to my point. Luckily I outgrew it before he lost his nose.

3. Because so many people think I should let them watch it. Nothing deep here. Just don't like to be told what to do. :)

4. I do realize that vampires are fantasy like the wolf man, dracula, frankenstein...etc...but I do get a little eye twitch when it comes to the eternally damned and wondering if my kids are equating cheesy movies with Scripture. Just a little eye twitch but usually if the best answer I can come up with is "I don't know" the correct response is to just say "No". This could be another area that people will want to argue with me about to which I will go ahead and respond with: I don't care...Care I don't...Do I care? Nope...I careth not...Who me? Care? Don't think so. This is more of an informative post than a debate.

5. Rumor has it that the books progress into a "darker" theme and that their is a pretty descriptive sex scene further ahead. Now, I ask you this, are you someone who can watch part 1 of a 3 part movie and walk away satisfied to never watch the other 2 parts? Don't lie. You know you can't. So how and why would I expect my young daughters to be satisfied with the not so bad first movie knowing that I will have to fight them later when the a little worse and then the flat out not gonna happen movies come out? Why would I want to do that?

Guys, it is a vampire movie. Watch it, buy the t-shirts, marry Edward...I don't care.... I just think I will sit this one out. I truly do not believe that my kids are going to suffer if they miss this movie. If you are seeing red right now and your ears are pouring steam you may want to relax a little bit and try to figure out why you are so bent out of shape because I won't let my kids watch this movie. Think about it.

P.S. - I would be a liar if I didn't admit to be obsessed with certain shows. If you truly need to add meaning and depth to your life you should try watching the BACKYARDIGANS on Nick Jr. Best show ever!

P.P.S. - I did turn off comments for this post because it is not intended to call out any one person but to share with the planet, or the 3 people who will read this, the reasons why it is pointless to continue to TWILIGHT me. I am not calling into question anyone's character or saying that those who watch this movie are making a bad decision. I know a few perfectly brilliant Christian families that have let their kids watch this movie and have no negative feelings towards that decision at all. It really is a matter of opinion. My concern is less about this movie than the next one or the one after that. I'm just planning ahead. My decision was made before Thanksgiving of last year (before the movie but after the book obsession) so this post is not a reaction to any one event but a compilation of several TWILIGHT episodes over the past 6 months. So please do not get your feelings hurt because you think I am talking about or to you. I am talking to Edward and he understands.

Peace Out

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

No...It's Not Like Your House

I know I have already posted once today but as I was looking around my house trying to figure out why I was on the verge of a panic attack yesterday because of all the things I needed to do but today can't think of one thing knowing full well that something needs to be done, I remembered a couple of darling kids that came over to my house a long time ago. This story is still relevant today because nothing has changed, in fact, it is probably worse...

First Kid: We will call him boy #2 because Lisa numbers her kids instead of calling them by name.

He was over at my house and needed to go to the bathroom. Nothing exciting about that. When he came out of the bathroom he said: "You need to call Bob Villa". And walked off. You have to understand that this kid never speaks and yet he felt compelled to point out to me the sad state of disrepair my bathroom was in. Message for Boy #2: It still looks the same way...5 years later. :p

Second Kid: This was the grandkid of a neighbor who used to come over and play with my girls.

This kid walked into my living room and said, "Are y'all havin' a yard sale?" I know you are wondering what the big deal is. The big deal is that NO we were not having a yard sale. I just had piles of clothes, dishes, dvd's, shoes etc... all over the living room and this kid thought we were having a yard sale when in reality that was just our everyday stuff that we walk on, over or around.

This weekend Jade had a friend spend the night and my house ate her cell phone. I can't find it anywhere! Of course, you really don't have a 'starting place' when it comes to looking for something around here because it is all one giant mess.

I tell you this because for those of you to whom I say, "My house is a mess", I would respectfully ask that you not say, "Oh, it's is mine" when we all know that your definition of mess is: dust, vaccuum, empty trash...and mine is: I lost my dog somewhere..I can hear him whining but I can't pinpoint which pile he is under.

Think of it this way: If my kid wanted to spend the night at your house and your house looked like my house looks all the time, I wouldn't let them come over there. :)

My mess can beat up your mess.

Why Dost Thou Hateth Me So?

Y'all I still can't get ABC to let me watch LOST. CBS let me watch the Amazing Race and Survivor but ABC won't budge. Who is this vile creature who goes by the name ABC? What transgressions have I commited against thee? I have requested access to your vault of rerun webisodes for half a fortnight but alas my efforts have been in vain. Thou teaseth me by loading a mere 30% each time only to shatter my hope and freeze my computer.

Is it because I haven't brushed my hair? Is there a dress code to attend this shindig? Are my theories better than the ones the writers have thought up and they are feeling intimidated?

I am fixing to just hop on a plane and go to the island and just ask Sawyer what has been going on. He'll tell me....(after he makes fun of me and calls me names)

I guess I will just have to invest in a pair of headphones and hook up the laptop at church in the Pastors office and catch up. Don't think I won't!

In Other News...

Jordan ran her first track meet yesterday. She was scheduled to run in 3 events but since there isn't a coach in this entire area that is qualified to do the job they sign up for it was unorganized and chaotic so they decided to cut the last event. Anyway, she was running the 400...(I wasn't there because I had other kids to pick up from work and take home and so forth and so on...just say what you are thinking, "Bad Mommy!") Where was I? Oh, she was running the 400...Now here is where I need to give a back story.

Jordan said that her coaches told them that they needed running shoes with spikes and that it was ok not to have them for the first meet but Jordan is not very patient and she hearts new shoes so she went ahead and found some. Now, for those of you who do not know, the spikes are metal and you can only wear the metal spikes on grass or rubber tracks (please don't ask what the heck a rubber track is because I am just repeating what I was told and have absolutely no knowledge on the subject..just work with me)
anyway, she asked her coaches if the shoes were ok and they said yes. So...she put the spikes on her shoes and got ready for the race. This was a full on track meet...hurdle jumping and she was there for almost 3 hours before the race she was in started (that tidbit has no relevance to my story at all)

Finally, it was time for her race. She started in the back of the pack but before she got to the 3rd turn she was in 2nd and about to take 1st...and then...she fell! The stupid track was stupid asphalt and the dumb underqualified coaches didn't think to mention that or didn't know or didn't care or maybe aren't even coaches at all but just a couple of random parents with whistles...(I have underqualified coach turrets.) So of course when the spikes got hot the shoes got slick and my kid did a number on her kneecap and her ankle.

Que: "Chariots of Fire" song....

This, my friends, is why my kid is better than your kid... Instead of renting her clothes, gnashing her teeth and curling up in the fetal position wailing like a baby, MY KID picked herself up and finished running her race...gimped up ankle, bloody knee and all. Granted it was probably pride that kept her from crying and quitting and we all know that pride cometh before the this case the fall cameth before the pride so I'm pretty sure that is ok. :D

Now I get to go buy my kid some new running shoes before the next track meet because I'm sure we are all now aware that the underqualified coaches have no idea which shoes should be worn on which track and since the only solution to that problem that I can think of is to put metal spikes on their shoes and insist they run around the track to see if they slide and bust their face on is better to be safe than sorry (sorry for causing a huge scene if my kid falls again because I will and people will cry and it won't be anyone related to me) Amen.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Short Pants Short Boots

I was super excited in Pigeon Forge because I scored a pair of short boots for 75% off! I KNOW! All I have are long boots and while noone can tell the difference when you wear them with some point it gets too hot to be wearing them. Last year I pondered on buying the short boots when they were on clearance but decided not to and then when the next year rolled around I was filled with regret because I needed some but I refuse to pay full price for short boots because you are getting less product for the same price as long boots. Are ya feelin' me? Good.

So I get my short boots and am all looking forward to wearing them with my new dress pants. I got all ready and the boots looked good but then I sat down and the pants shrank up above my ankles. :( I don't usually lose my cool just because my ankle is showing but when you add short boots and short pants you get a whole bunch of ugly. Add to the fact that I don't usually invest much time or thought into sock shopping so I just had on my regular all white ankle socks. Now picture it. Short boots, short pants, white ankle socks sticking out of short boots. Pretty sure that picture hasn't been in any fashion magazines lately.

I'm so sad! Now I have to go and buy dress pants that are 'long' just so I can wear my short boots. I don't like to wear pants that are so long I walk on them. It's annoying!

So if there is anyone out there who is looking to buy boots, remember: short boots/long pants...long boots/short pants...and buy colored socks so you won't look like a hillbilly.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

4 Reasons Why I Will Probably Be Grumpy Today

Reason #1:

I cannot get ABC to load the last LOST episode! Maybe I should reboot my computer? Everything else works. Lisa sent me a text last night about jumpsuits and Jack and Workman and now I'm all, "dang, I might have to rethink my theory" but I can't watch it to see what is going on! I will save it until I am able to watch the show. I'm sure there is a special secret hint in there just for me.

Reason #2:

Bugs. A bee flew by my head this morning! Isn't it too early for bees? GAH! I hate bees. AND that is not the worst thing. Jade said she found a TICK in the bathroom (of course she crushed the life out of the little beast and flushed it but still..) I also found a tick crawling on my dog a few days ago. Do you know how many ticks I have seen in my life? Maybe 2. But already this year I have seen 2. That makes me itchy and paranoid. What if I have a tick? Maybe that is why my blood doesn't flow!

I have never had a seasonal preference because it's always springtime in my house no matter what the weather is outside..however, now I think I hate summer/spring because of bugs and bees and fleas and ticks and hotness and sweat and lawn mowing and flip flopping (I love flipflops I just can't stand hearing them flip and flop) and how obvious it becomes that I don't have a tan and leg shaving and having to match your toe polish with your clothes and bathing suit shopping.

Reason #3:

I don't care who wins this basketball thingie...what I do care about is that you are putting this dumb basketball thingie in the place of some of my favorite shows. Don't you have your own special sport channel for stuff like this? I guess I will be able to get more stuff done around the house until your giant ball dribblers finish throwing the little orange ball into the nets but next year you should really consider showing it on CNN or PBS. I never watch those channels. Thanks.

Reason #4:

I accidentally left the news channel on this morning and heard BO's (Barak Obama) voice. I'm starting to understand the people who couldn't watch George W talk. However, at least my W. was entertaining. BO just gets up there and says, "I am people are dumb...I can say HOPE and you all fall at my feet...I am a pretty man...You people are suckers...I are all losers...I am running the country into the ground and putting us into so much debt that the United States will no longer be a super power and will have no voice in world affairs because we will have to ask China for permission to speak because they own us! If you love my decisions it is all me...if you hate them, it was someone else's fault...I have no idea what I am doing...blahdy blahdy blah I'm amazing. Now cheer for me so I can go pick my favorites to win the basketball tournament while you all try to figure out how you are going to buy groceries this week...."

I'm not sure if that was an exact quote... but that's how I heard it. :)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Can't Get Right!

I really wish I was one of those people who could lay down and BAM! I'm asleep in 5 seconds and then when it is time to wake up....KAPLOW! I'm up and happy and energetic and ready for the new day....sigh....

Instead it takes me 30-45 min. to fall asleep and a pot of coffee & 3-4 hours after I get out of bed to completely wake up and feel alert enough to function.

So I have been trying to figure out how to manage my sleep schedule to best fit my day.

The whole time I was on Lisa's retreat I went to bed early-ish (as early as someone can go to bed when Lisa has the microphone haha) so when I woke up I wouldn't be grumpy and would have enough sleep to be sociable. That was ok except I missed most of the social time because I was in the bed trying to get enough sleep to be social. I know. By 10 p.m. I was done and ready for bed again and it was because I was missing my afternoon nap! So going to bed early and getting up early doesn't suit me....

Next I have tried to go to bed a little later (11ish) and get up early (6ish-to take the kids to school) and nap around noon. Well that is all fine and good but it totally takes away a third of my day when I have no distractions and a little peace and quiet. That's no good.

Then I tried the whole 11 bedtime and 6 get up time with a 4 p.m. nap. That works out pretty good except then I am not sleepy until around 1 a.m. and still have to get up at 6 a.m. to get the kids off to school or sleep late and pull into the school parking lot squealing...saying "if you run to class you may get in there before the bell rings!!" but since I only had 5-6 hours of sleep I wake up sleepy and even if I don't take a nap until 4 I am useless because I am too tired to do anything.

This morning I just said forget it...I'm going back to bed as soon as I watch the episode of Amazing Race that I missed on Sunday. That is what I did and I slept until noon. Grrr. The dog was supposed to wake me up around 10 but he fell asleep too so he is useless. There is no accountability in this house.

So anyway. That is my issue for the day. I still haven't figured it out. I just wish I could sleep all morning and stay up all night. I don't like morning or anything associated with morning. Except sunshine. If the sun could shine at night that would be great.

Monday, March 16, 2009


I was out of space on my card so I didn't get much of this one

Black Eyes And Huge Buts...

I just got back from a weekend retreat with Lisa's church and for those who have never had the pleasure I thought I would fill you in...

Let's start with my favorite quote:

"We have these huge buts with all this nasty stuff trailing behind them"

This little gem came straight from Lisa on the last days session. Now taken out of context it is probably one of the most hilarious things I have ever heard. Being the good sister that I am, I shared this with Lisa after it was over. Just trying to be a blessing Lis. :) This is why you should never take things out of their original context. haha.

Keeping things in context is a different story. I can honestly say that I have heard many people speak and after sitting through this weekends sister has some mad skillz! I can usually tell how well a speaker or preacher does by looking at my notes later. I am a doodler. If you lose my attention or if I get bored or you are just plain bad at what you do, I will have lots and lots of pictures, creative ways to write my name, circle chains, flowers etc... doodled all over my paper. However, after sitting through 4 sessions that lasted about an hour each time I only had one, "C" "Christi" and one "Circle chain" That only totals about 5 min. of mind wandering. That is amazing! God has truly taken Lisa's gift of gab and turned it into a ministry. She did an excellent job. People get paid to do what she did this weekend that do not do it as well as she does. I'm really glad I went and will probably be pondering on this study for several more weeks. Buts and all.

If it were me trying to lead a ladies Bible study it would last about 20 seconds and all I would be able to say is:

Jesus loves you
Stop being silly
Go and sin no more
The end.

Now, I'm breaking out in hives so enough with the sister love.

Let's move on to the after hour parties......(Keep in mind that these are Lisa's people)

There is a whole 'pee on yourself' story that goes along with this picture that Lisa might want to explain. lol Yes, those are Depends undergarments.

Lisa speaking....

Lisa gagging? Sorry Lisa, this is one of my favorite pictures. I couldn't not post it. :))

The ladies who cooked the delicious food...

This is Ms. Greene. She is 79 and I want to be her when I grow up!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Fridge Full Of Cookie Dough

For those of you who supported the RMS band program by buying a tub of has arrived! Not sure when it will be delivered. :p

I have to give it to the school system. They really know how to get a kid to sell overpriced items to family and friends. I'm usually opposed to all things fundraiser which is why you normally do not have to buy things from my kids but this time they were on a mission and there was no stopping them. They were promised a party for those who sold at least 5 tubs and a prize for those who sold at least 10. So, of course that was the goal and while Jade didn't make the 10 mark she hit the 5 so it was all good.

As it turns out, the party was an after-school event which if you ask me defeats the purpose of a party because what is a school reward party if you can't skip a class to go to it?! So on top of the inconvience of selling and the constant pestering from my kids, I had to postpone my day even more to pick them up late from school. When I picked them up they said, "that party was lame, all we did was eat chips and play video games." They do that every day at home. To make matters worse, the "prize" Jordan got for selling 10 tubs of overpriced cookie dough was this little plastic toy that I could have bought at the dollar store.

But, I guess it was for the good of the school so I can't complain much. I just think that if kids are going to ask people for money they should have something amazing to offer like house cleaning or yard work. Something useful. Or it could be that I'm just no fun and am not a team player. Yeah, probably that.

I am also going to tell you how the first day at the new church went but am kinda waiting for this guy to send me some pictures so I can have a little show and tell. I took my camera but have a hard time with taking pictures in church. My camera doesn't do well without the flash and it's pretty distracting to have a flash going off during church so I didn't take any pictures.