Sufferin' Sucatash

RMS Basketball Coaches:

Dear Mrs. Bradford,

We are very pleased that your child made the RMS Basketball team! We are looking forward to a great year. Now what we need from you is to buy your child a pair of khaki pants in the winter when no one sales khaki pants unless they are on the clearance rack and are capri's or size one million and have them by this Friday since 3 days notice is perfectly reasonable. We realize that your child is an abnormally tall and thin girl who winces at the thought of a pair of pants that rise above her ankles when she sits down and is too small for a size 2 but too tall for a size 1 and too short for a size 1/tall without stepping all over her brand new khaki's and soiling them beyond repair.
The good news is, Walmart carries khaki pants and they are only $12 what we failed to mention is that this is in the kids department and a child your age probably...no, more than likely...can no longer wear these sizes but hey, it sounds nice, yes? Now, Mrs. Bradford, what you have to do is drive all around the country since we gave you zero time to order something online and use all your gas making whatever you might happen to find cost an extra $10 to put more gas in your tank and if you don't your child will not only not match the rest of the team but will also be humiliated and have to wear her old, too short, size 0 khaki pants that no longer fit her. And, as an added bonus, we will keep your kid in basketball practice until 5:30 every day this week to make sure you will have to fight the after work crowds no matter where you go.

Congratulations!
RMS Coaches

Dear RMS Coaches,

How about you just shoot me in the face and we will call it even?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Bradford