I'm having a very rushed and stressful day and when this happens I tend to talk to myself a little more than usual. In an effort to clear my mind I thought it might be therapeutic to have this discussion here and be done with it.
First I would like to address my eyebrows:
Eyebrows, really? How do you grow so fast? I cannot keep up this kind of maintenance. I am really thinking about doing away with you all together if you can't control yourself better than this. Is that really want you want? Think about that before you answer. If anyone has a reason to rebel it is my legs. Hold on now stems...I was bragging on you. That was not an open invitation for you to complain. It's winter. Consider yourself in hibernation.
Face, you are ridiculous. How old do I have to be before you stop breaking out like a 14 year old? Yes, you could get more attention but if you think you are too good for soap and water you can get over yourself. I don't have time for these diva issues. Just relax. I'm sorry you are getting older but reverting back to your teenage years just makes you look silly. Grow up.
Coffee, my true love. You are killing me. I love you, you know this but you are wrecking my pearly whites. We are going to have to strike some sort of compromise. When all I want for Christmas is Crest White Strips something is wrong. Awww, come on now. Don't look at me like that. I know it is not fair to start putting conditions on our friendship after all of these years of being BFF's. I know were it not for you I would be in a coma. You know what, never mind. You are forgiven. Pretend we didn't have this conversation.
Dear RMS coaches, yes, I will have to pick Jordan up from practice early today because I have to go to a sports banquet tonight (that I totally forgot about hence my mental breakdown). Let me forewarn you though. If you put my kid on the bench for the entire game on Friday because of my issues...I will make you cry...a lot. I am still trying to forgive you for making her sit on the bench for the entire game last night because she was sick and missed the last one. You have no idea how close I came. You are lucky I love Jesus. That is all.
and lastly I would like to address my entire wardrobe....
Look, I know you are tired. I know that I have kept you through 3 cycles of being in style, out, in, out...but you have to come through for me again. I do not know what I am going to wear. I'm sure whichever one of you I choose you will want to pitch a fit and rent yourself in half but I beg you...hang in there. One day I will let you retire or you will die, whichever comes first.
Now, don't we all feel better?! Good talk guys. Now let's get back to work!
3 comments:
You are so funny....
I could have this conversation also -- except for the coaches -- I have no middle school children.....if it makes ya feel any better....
What would you do if you had a job? I will tell you. You wear a hat, a mans size camo shirt (as a jacket, I have to wear a uniform thank you very much), you drink your coffee and look at the men with their Copenhagen between their teeth, and you get over it! Really, really fast. Really. I was making up songs to myself today....
probably your most awesome post yet..:)))
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